Collegian
Page 4
by Terry Anthony & Jim Hale
Collegian Staff Writers
Welcome to our demented and often psychotic world. This semester we will examine the college student's
oneness with Behrend and the greater Erie area, as well as what possesses one (for one must certainly be
possessed by some ancient evil Indian spirit) to choose to attend school in this, the closest you can get to a
near Arctic environment and still remain in Pennsylvania. We will attempt to give you, the student, a behind
the scenes look at Behrend as well as visit some of Erie's finest exotic locals. In other words we will try to
define that elusive philosophical question that has plagued mankind for eons What exactly is the
Behrend experience?
For our first column, we have decided to clarify some of the terms contained within the Behrend recruit
ing brochure that enticed each of us to this, the garden spot of North America.
"...beautiful tree lined walkways..." really means "gauntlet lined by little pycho squirrels that bomb
unsuspecting students with acorns as they travel to and from classes."
"...overlooks beautiful Presque Isle and Lake Erie" is implying "as the smoke from the local industries
is blown away one can glimpse the murky waters of Eric's north shore"
"...offers many cultural events." They are saying "the annual elementary school Christmas pagaent is
free and open to the public "
...modern computer facility" is really a place to learn creative new high tech four letter words from up
perclass digitheads (a.k.a. MIS majors) as well as play and pirate the latest in computer games.
"...refreshing campus restores the spirit after a hard day of classes" or if that doesn't work, the
Brookside offers a viable alternative.
"...active student body," cookies and condoms, a winning combination.
"...the Wintergreen Cafe" a Gorge by any other name would still smell like a Gorge.
"...the library houses approximately 63,000 books" which means you can find a book on any subject ex
cept the one you need for tommorrow's speech
..one of the few campuses around that boasts it's own on campus ski slope." It has been rumored that
some speed demon has actually reached speeds exceeding 5 mph down the face of Mount Behrend's
treacherous 30 feet drop. If you know the identity of this masked wonder please refer them to the nearest
RA for counseling.
...Penn— State—Behrend fields nine varsity teams." All of which are represented by the Behrend lion,
who is just some horny geek who can't find any other way to attract one of the school's 35 percent female
population to dance or hug him unless he dresses in fur and wears a mask.
To celebrate the completion of their first real article, Jim and Terry now retire to the comfort and sanctity
of the comunity atmosphere that is available only in university housing to ponder their long range career
goals. What Jim and Terry are really going to do is sit around in their PSU boxer shorts, split a six pack,
and engage in a roundtable discussion on the merits of female midget rollerderby.
Until next time Behrend, this Bud's for you!
Editorial Policy
The Behrend Collegian's editorial opinion is deter
mined by the Editor, with the Editor holding final
responsibility. Opinions expressed on the editorial
pages are not necessarily those of the Behrend Col
legian,The Behrend College, or The Pennsylvania
State University. The Cony Journal, the publisher of
the Behrend Collegian, is a separate corporate
in
stitution from Penn State. '
Letter Policy: The Behrend Collegian encourages
on news coverage, editorial policy and University af
fairs. Letters should be typewritten, double—spaced,
signed by no more than two people, and not longer
than 400 words. Students letters should include the
semester and major of the writer. All writers should
provide their address and phone number for verifica
tion of the letter. The Collegian reserves the right to
edit letters for legnth and to reject letters if they are
libelous or do not conform to standards of good taste.
Postal Information: The Behrend Collegian
(898-6221) is published fourteen times annually
(seven times during each academic semester at The
Bchrend College) by the students of The Behrend
College; the Reed Union Building, Station Road,
Erie, Pa
16563
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by Ed Mesita
Collegian Staff Writer
Here are some earth-shaking,
late breaking news stories from the
last few days of 1987, in case you
might have missed them.
From Washington:
"A confused elderly woman who
apparently spent seven days lost in
a department store without food
and water, was in good condition
but unable to tell how she survived
her Christmas week ordeal."
It's too bad she didn't get lost in
a supermarket.
From Los Angeles:
Everyones favorite actress,
Susan Richardson from Eight is
Enough, filed a federal lawsuit
saying she was lured to South
Korea to make a movie, then was
sedated and held against her will.
She was also forced to work near
live ammunition and is suing for
$lO,OOO.
I think the United States should
pay her that amount on behalf of
her kidnappers, since they were
kind enough to keep her off of our
television screens for that long.
From Harare, Zimbabwe:
National airline officials have
given stewardesses six months to
lose weight or be grounded. Airline
officials said that it was "Unaccep
table.....we have these big, ugly
amazons pretending to be air hos
tesses. Some of them are so big,
their thighs knock against the pas
sengers as they are moving bet
ween the aisles."
BEER & POP
WAREHOUSE
Lim Street (Hills Plaza-East)
Phone 456-BEER
Largest selection and lowest Hours:
everyday discount prices on Mon.-Thurs. 9 a.m. - 10 p.m.
Domestic and Imported Beer, Fri.• Sat. 9 a.m. - 11 p.m.
Pop and Snacks Sun Closed
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ITALIAN RESTAURANT
3512 Buffalo Road
Wesleyville
Phone: 899-3423
!! WE DELIVER OUR ENTIRE MENU I!
Pizzo, Pasta, Wings, Subs, Sofas, Shrimp or Chicken Dinners, ginger Yoods
Large Cheese Pizza & Three 16oz. Pepsi Soft Drinks
I I
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I
Editorial: Book Blues
First things first. It's the
beginning of a new semester
and along with it are two new
editors of the Collegian.
James Martin and myself will
be acting as co-editors in the
place of the one editorial
position. We are looking for
ward to the semester and we
hope that you will continue to
let us know your - gripes,
comments, etc. about the
newspaper or its contents, via
Letters to the Editor(s).
Now the real reason for
this article.
When you walk through
the Reed Lobby at the begin
ning of the semester, the
walls are practically
wallpapered with signs that
read something like: BOOKS
FOR SALE only $19.15. I
always make myself the
promise that I'm going to be
economical and buy my
books from sources other
than the bookstore. However,
usually by the time I remem
ber that I have those little
slips of paper with peoples'
phone numbers who want to
buy or sell books, those
papers are already in the bot-
Maybe they should start serving
the passengers more beer. At least it
would make them look thinner and
better .. looking.
Also in the airlines, in Los An
geles passengers on a cross country
flight, enraged by a smoking ban,
lit up anyway and shoved atten
dants who asked them to stop, forc
ing the pilot to radio for police.
They were taken into custody when
the plane landed.
I hope they were allowed to
smoke in jail.
And here are the best statistics of
the year, courtesy of Parade
magazine:
Pepsi must sell almost two
hundred million cans of soda to
recoup the cost of its Michael Jack
son advertising campaign.
Five percent of Americans think
the afterlife will be boring.
Thirteen Americans are currently
frozen in the hope of one day com
ing back to life. Unfortunately,
Michael Jackson is not one of
them.
Thirteen percent of American
women consider themselves pretty,
while twenty-eight percent of
American men consider themselves
handsome. •
And here's one more story. Joe
Patemo say's he was out coached in
the Florida Citrus Bowl on January
first. I'm glad he clued us in. I was
wondering what the hell went
wrong.
Tell me something. Am I going
crazy or is everyone else?
.B4om44lg,igr;i
torn of the washer because I
neglected to take them out of
my jeans. My point though, is
not to talk about my dirty
laundry or the decorum of the
Reed Lobby, but to address a
problem that we all face at
this time in the semester.
Books.
Unfortunately the new
semester brings empty bank
accounts and pockets because
the $250.00 worth of books
that you bought last semester
only faired about 25 cents at
the Buyback Book Table. I'm
sure all of us have faced this
scenario during our college
career and it happens all too
often.
.I used to think that the
bookstore was the big villain
in the neverending book tur
moil. This for the most part is
untrue. Number one the
publishing companies are the
ones who are there at that
table outside the bookstore
and give you pennies when
you think you should at least
get a couple hundred dollars.
The real problems that most
of us run into when buying
and selling books, are be
cause of publishers.
Instructors request the
books for their courses but
they have no way of knowing
or controlling how much a
book is going to cost. Gran
ted, sometimes the instructor
changes the book for the next
semester and you and about
ten other people you- know
just paid. $35.00 for a brand.
The Collegian would like to wish Mike
Chiteman a very Happy Birthday
expires 2-11-88 I
opinion
new book that you can't even
get a cent back for (ie. Chem
011). This is usually due to a
change in an edition or be
cause the book doesn't work
well with the class, but where
does that leave you.
Nowhere. We are all ul
timately at the mercy of
publishers because they have
to make the price high
enough to cover the cost of
their materials (paper, print
ing, binding, etc.) and still
make a profit.
What can be done you ask?
Nothing really in terms of
getting publishers to lower
their prices but there is al
ways hope. For now though
you can look for those won
derful little yellow stickers in
the bookstore that signify you
are getting a used book. I
know I'm always happy to
find them. The other
solutions? You can practice
the "Buddy System" (as they
say in Girl Scouts) or buy
your books from others. Or,
when selling them back you
can help decorate the Reed
Lobby with your BOOKS
FOR SALE signs or try and
flirt (if you're a girl) with the
book man from the publisher.
But then again I thought it
would work and all I got was
an extra quarter.
.\*,
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If you're a college graduate or
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School and pilot training. Call
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716-633-7094 Collect
/SE4EI
by Lisa Hahn
Collegian Editor
1644,/i(A /0, - ,4 ^-