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Editorial Opinion
Politics Go Hollywood
Voting for president of the (J.S. can be an unpleasant ex
perience. Usually, we end up voting for the lesser of two
evils. However, things may be looking up in the world of
presidential politics.
This election year has seen two out-of-the ordinary
presidential candidates. I’m talking about ‘celebrity’ can
didates, former astronaut John Glenn and Baptist minister,
civil rights leader Jesse Jackson.
Some celebrities have already announced their presiden
tial aspirations for 1988. Here is a brief review of these can
didates and their thoughts on the major issues.
Fred Rogers (TV personality Mister Rogers): “Can you say
‘President Rogers’? What 1 think we need is a government
led by America’s children. That is why I’m lobbying for a bill
that would lower the voting age to three. As a symbol .of my
campaign, I will choose Gary Coleman as my running mate,
who, no matter how old he gets, will always look eight years
old.
Muhammed Ali (former heavy-weight talker): “Unemploy
ment may be rising, but there’s hope on the horizon. Ali is
here to make it clear that all is well if you elect me and
Cosell.”
Michael Jackson: “I think peace is dependent upon
Human Nature. If somebody Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’,
I’ll just tell them to Beat It. I promise to make the Lady in My
Life vice-president. To get our economy booming, I will
make our new national currency ‘Thriller’ albums.
Joan Rivers: “Can we talk? Let’s ban the bomb. Who
needs it when we have Liz Taylor to drop on them. I’m all for
the ERA but have you seen some of those women who sup
port it? They’re hideous. They should rename it TRA.
Transvestites Repulse America. 1 mean, my VP, Boy
George, would be more likely to wear lace underwear than
these he-women.”
David Letterman (king of the insomniacs): “The key to our
nation’s defense is the build-up of our giant doorknob supp
ly. I would not hesitate to drop it if our nation was attacked
first. I have promised the vice-presidency to Bill Cosby in
return for his pledge to keep the White House stocked with
Pudding Pops.”
It is my prediction that by 1988, Michael Jackson’s voice
will have gone through a major change. Due to hormone in
jections, his voice will get increasingly higher until it peaks
when Warner Brothers asks him to audition for the role of
Glenda, the Good Witch of the North, in a remake of The
Wizard of Oz.
As Jackson’s voice gets higher, his popularity will dwin
dle, enabling David Letterman to defeat him for the
presidency. By 1988, Letterman will be the King of TV,
replacing Johnny Carson. He will take over for Carson on
the Tonight Show and dump Ed McMahon in favor of the
more sincere laughter of Larry “Bud” Melman. Letterman’s
slogan, “Wake the kids and phone the neighbors, Dave’s
running for president,” will catch on in nearly every
American home.
Rivers, Ali and Mister Rogers don’t have much of a
chance. Rivers will lose many supporters when Boy George
withdraws from their ticket after he finds out that Joan and
he wear the same pants.
By the election, Ali’s speech will be so slurred that he will
be acused of being alcoholic, forcing him to withdraw.
Rogers will be embarassed into doing the same when it is
discovered that he can’t spell ‘disarmament’.
There you have it folks. David Letterman and Bill Cosby
will be our next president and vice-president.
OPINION
Risa Glick
BEHREND COLLEGIAN
Company’s Trademark Not
Symbol of Devil Worship
Dear Editor,
An ugly rumor is circulating in
the United States, charging that
the Procter and Gamble Com
pany has some connection with
devil worship. This rumor and
the facts surrounding it have been
proven false.
Unfortunately, the rumor per
sists and, sad to say, does so
among many religious persons
and church congregations. In re
cent years, several other un
founded and reckless rumors con
cerning religious broadcasts and a
fictitious filmed life of Christ
have also gained equal notoriety
and resulted in the worthless sign
ing of millions of petitions.
The “Moon and Stars” has
been used as the corporate
trademark of Procter and Gam
ble for more than 100 years. Un
fortunately, this familiar
trademark recently has been sub
jected to preposterous, unfound
ed rumors that allege the
trademark is a symbol of satanism
Risa Glick
REPRESENTED FOR NATIONAL ADVERTISING BY
CASS Student Advertising, Incorporated
1633 West Centra! St.
Evanston, Illinois 60201
Mailing Address - Behrend Collegian, Station Road, Erie, PA 16563
Office located in Reed Union Bulding
Office Hours - 9 a.m. - 5 p.m.; Monday through Friday
Phone: 898-6221
Opinions expressed by the editors and staff of the Penn State-Behrend Collegian are not
necessarily those of the University Administration, faculty, or the student body.
Reader Opinion
or devil worship.
Typically, the story reports that
a Procter and Gamble executive
discussed satanism on a nationally
televised talk show. Another story
maintains that the trademark is
the result of Procter and Gamble
being taken over by the
“moonies” followers of Reverend
Sun Myung Moon and his
Unification Church. The rumors
are, of course, totally false.
The trademark originated
about the year 1851 as a symbol
for Starbrand candles. Later it
was designed to show a “man-in
the-moon” looking over a field of
13 stars commemorating the
original American colonies. It
represents only Procter and Gam
ble.
Several nationally prominent
religious leaders have also called
for an end to these false stories.
They have called the false stories
about Procter and Gamble’s
trademark symbol “vicious” and
“ludicrous.”
Penn State
Behrend Collegian
Member of
The Press Association
News Editor
Feature Editor
Sports Editor
Business Manager
Photo Coordinator
Advisor
Jill Bedford
Robbie Colville
Gregory Goldsmith
Kimberly Ford
Paula Maus
Thomas Martin
Thomas Milley
Kevin Moore
Barrett Parker
Paula Penco
Julie Potochny
Editors
Thad Wawro
Lisa Pavadore
Richard Larson
Daniel King
Napoleon Birch
Robert DiNicola
Staff
Michael Ross
Lorie Starcher
Tammie Starcher
Marge Tomczak
Dave Wallach
Anne Waskowitz
Roger Whelan
Michael Wimms
Tricia Wood
Jackie Wroblewski
Mark Yeager
NOVEMBER 9, 1984
Procter and Gamble is taking
this problem seriously and has fil
ed lawsuits against those who
spread the rumors. As the rumors
have been found false and the
Catholics of the Archdiocese have
been urged to reject them, so we
urge the rejection of this ill found
rumor. We should not only reject
the rumor but do what we can to
prevent any further spreading of
it in our community.
Anyone wishing more informa
tion of proof that these rumors
are false, may contact Procter
and Gamble by calling any toll
free number appearing on the
side of Procter and Gamble pro
ducts.
The “Moon and Stars”
trademark that appears on Pro
cter and Gamble products has
come to mean quality products
that consumers can buy with con
fidence. Peggy L. Fedeli
Third Semester, Telecom
munication
Dußois Campus of Penn State
Rod Luery