Page 4
This girl has done her homework. Nice
looking legs, but the only whistle she'll hear is
the caretaker trimming 'round her head
stone.
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Cramming for finals can be exhausting, to say the least. Hoping for extra credit.
Bob has an "A" in the bag.
Activities Schedule
Oct. 12, Friday Volleyball (W ): Gannon,
Home, 7 P.M.
Oct. 13, Saturday - Tennis (W): West
minster, Home, 1 P.M. Soccer: Slippery Rock
St., Away 2 P.M.; Football: Army, UP-UP
Homecoming.
Oct. 14, Sunday - Movies "Summer of '42",
with Gary Grimes, Jennifer O'Neill, Jerry
Houser, Oliver Conant, RUB Lecture Hall,
6:3oand9P.M.
Oct. 15, Monday - Behrend Players start
free, full-length previews: "The Glass
Menagerie", first come, first served, 8 P.M.
in the Studio Theatre. Varsity Basketball
Meeting - Women 12:15 Gym.
Oct. 16, Tuesday - Soccer: Allegheny,-
Home, 3 P.M.; Volleyball (W): Westminster,
Away, 7 P.M.; Behrend Players Free Campus
Previews continue: "The Glass Menagerie,"
Studio Theatre, BP.M.
Oct. 17, Wednesday - Horror Film Series:
"The Masque of Red Death", with Vincent
Price, RUB Lecture Hall, 7:30 and 10 P.M.;
Last Day for Behrend Players Free Campus
Preview: "The Glass Menagerie", Studio
Theatre, 8 P.M. Meeting for Christian Assoc. •
Oct. 18, Thursday - Tennis (W) : Villa
Maria, Away, 3 P.M. ; Distribution of The
Behrend Collegian. Commuter Student
Meeting 4 P.M. in RUB Lecture Hall.
Home-fries are a gas for dinner guests
A is for Apple? Bobbing for straight aces, this student is an understudy
of Jacques Costeau. His project: Aquadeath.
Behrend Offers
"Seminar in Suicide"
Dr. lan Lemming, Ph.D., is
opening a course on suicide. A
three-credit undertaking, the
course -is a must for Death and
Humanities majors.
ci C 4 1
"I've seen too many college
courses depend on text and text
alone. Here is a class suited to
individual achievement. Books
don't really matter, unless you
can kill yourself with them."
As an example, Lemming cited
an incident where a UCLA
student toppled over eight
shelves of encyclopedias,
crushing himself to a pulp. "His
research was superb," Lemming
stated. "We found a copy of the
Tibetan Book of the Dead on his
chest."
The new course, labeled
Suicide 104, is especially popular
with Oriental students. "We have
them jumping out of windows all
the time," Lemming said.
"Actually, the course is a piece of
cake. Where else can you take
your 'final' anytime you want?"
Lemming did stress the need
for originality when killing
yourself. According to him,
simple methods such as a Luger
in the mouth were too com
monplace, and thus not deserving
of top marks. "It was a hit with
Hitler, but let's fact it, biting the
bullet is an old cliche," Lemming
said. "I'm inclined to give the
best grades to students like
Behrena Collegian
By Marc Woytowich
Most students jump at the chance to demon-
The course offers the student strate their projects for "show and tell."
an opportunity to take his own Here, Bill showed a fine technique, but had lit
life. "This is where a depressed tie to tell about his experience.
individual can finally excell in
something," Dr. Lemming said.
„,!
Barbara. Barbara was a junior at
Bowling Green, a somewhat
obese child, but she had alot of
spunk. She lugged forty pounds of
quarters up a high diving board.
Then she swallowed them -- 800
in all and rolled herself off.
You should have seen it; she sank
like the Titanic."
Innovation can also be
dangerous, Lemming warned. He
referred to the case of Terry and
his "stairway to heaven." "It
was a fine idea to climb those
high tension wires, but Terry
should have checked the voltage
first," Lemming said. "There
wasn't enough to kill him just
enough to damage his genetic
make-up. Which, as it turned out,
was a blessing for Terry. He
received an offer from NBC to
star in his own TV show, "The
Amazing Colosal Irredescent
Sophomore." I bad to flunk him
though. No 'A's if alive. You have
to pass away to pass by me."
Lemming's harsh grading
system is under attack at
Oklahoma University. He is
being sued by a paralyzed fresh
man who received a failing mark.
"Tommy knows I graded fairly,"
Lemming defended. "I could-
Keeping track of homework assignments is David Anderson. If Amtrak keeps to his
study schedule, David will finish this assignment on the 4:15.
Almost any household appliance can add soothing electro-massage to that relaxing
bath. "Stir up those bubbles with a blender," Dr_ Lemming says.
have told him that piano wasn't
big enough. Anyway, his lawsuit
doesn't concern that matter. He's
upset because being paralyzed in
an intensive care unit makes it
difficult to finish the job. But like
I told him, no 'A' until you're
dead away."
The course sounds like a killer,
but Dr. Lemming is determined
to stick to his guns and teach it
exactly as the course founder,
Dr. Tao Chow would have wanted
it. Dr. Chow was killed recently
when he drove his Toyota into an
aircraft carrier.
JOBS OFFERED
Job proposals for Work-Study students are
still being accepted by the Student Affairs Of
fice. If any faculty, or staff member would
like to submit a proposal for Work-Study
students, he-she should do so as soon as
possible. Current Work-Study supervisors
who are interested in requesting additional
Work-Study students, may still do so also.
Information and job proposal forms may be
obtained in the Student Affairs Office, 2nd
floor RUB.
October 11, 1979