4 I The Behrend Beacon
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to
It happens on the same
By Jennifer ,Juncosa
perspcclircs afilot
j(1 . 15 1 / 6 I (a
Ni \ 111(1111 ha', a theory that there is no
e\ cuse to miss a hirthda\ \lndict's
andior Father's I/A\ , anni \ ersan, , or
Christmas. She sa\ s that if a holiday
that Lkser\ es a card. present, or phone
call lands on the same da\ ever \ ear.
then the excuse that on forgot isn't
alid.
I personttll ha\ e He\ er mksed any cat
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The average guy's guide to
I 3 Neil James Peters
OA ShON co7\ Cilllol
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There comes ;1 time in ever\ man's
lile \\ hen he. (Irk en h\ some uneadh)\
need (possibly to increase his level of
sophistication or to pick up chicks). set
tles himself into the local coffee house
and flips open a hrand new hook of poet
ry Upon losing his poetic virginity. he
1), pica!! leafs \er a few pages of work
while sipping a fresh mocha frappucci
no. Howe v er. the poor man ine\ itahlv
looks up. drooling from confusion, with
his cerebrum on the \ erge of collapse
and utters. "What?"
In my opinion:
We need some underground tunnels.
I live in Rochester, New York, and most schools in the area have
underground tunnels for when winter throws wind chill and snow in our face.
Out of all the places and schools to not have these tunnels...
Beacon Thumbs Up
*b.
- Syllabus day
- A clean slate
- Cashmere
- New computers
these holidays. But there is one thing
that needs to he clone even, year at the
same time. and e'er \ sear at the same
time, I forget. Wh\ tki I forget to stop
\\ riting the ()Id \ ear once Ne.\\ Years
passes. and \\ h\ Lloes it take a whole
month to Lk) it?
[ Near, after Christmas. I set an
hour or so aside to write thank Note cards
to Inv relatives that sent me Christmas
gifts, and this year. I had about seven to
\\ rite, As I wrote the last one and signed
MN name. I re
a led that I tOrgot to \‘, rite
It happens to every man on his first
time. We get a little over cunt - R.lcm he
cause we listen to Led Zeppelin and
think we can handle an\ tlUng. The fact
of the matter is. like eserything else in
life. it takes practice and patience. For
e\ample. it one wishes to ask a girl out
on a date. he does not just go flailing in
there, unprepa•ed with his pants around
his ankles, blowing bubbles from a
plastic pipe. He must approach calm!)
and confidently, with gentleness and
grace. pull hack its cover and ()kers e the
The next time you prepare to read a
poem, try to think of it as an attractive
woman and tiv . to assess it in the same
manner. How big. is it? How tall is it'.'
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PERSPECTIVES
The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
assemble and to petition the Go vernment for a redress of grievances
2009 on every siinlle card
Nosy.
I LIIII a perfectionist when it
conies to thank you cards because I
know the\ will be put on my grandpar
ents' refrigerators. so I try to make sure
they are perfect. I wrote each card at least
twice and I was not about to redo them
all. so I simply \\ rote "I'm sure I meant
to write 2009."
I know for a fact that I am not the
only one who fOrgets to write the new
year, because I asked. It's one of those
tedious things people lOrget. hut how
Why is it an - anged the wa\ it is'? Is it
harsh? IS it gentle and Iming? Does it
slap you in the face. call you an obscen
ity and make you feel had ahout leaving
the toilet seat up? If so. then you have
just taken the first step in hacking dour
\vay through the briar patch that is poet-
No \‘.. dm't get too confident. You
still have a long v‘ ay to go before you
are a full-fledged Liberal Arts major.
Shake off those training wheels because
it's time to actually read the poem. It is
a big world, and there are a lot of poems
that you may stumble upon: oats are
that the one you randomly flipped to
while on the trapper is a bad one that
doesn't make any sense. It may even
day every year
embairassim_2.. In most cases. people go
to parties to celebrate the new year.
People stand in freezing temperatures
and buy glasses with the new year mak
ing up the lenses and yet. by the next
day, it's like nothing changed.
Some might say that if you drink at
the party you just might not remember
and that's why you forget to write the
new year. Well. I'm still not 21, and for
the last 20 new years of non-alcoholic
parties I have been to. with friend; or
with my parents, I wake up the next
seem as though the poet simpk threw a
fistful of Scrabble tiles against a wall
and onk used whichever ones tell into
the tray of hash brownies. Don't get
discouraged. It is going to happen more
often than not.
A more astute ready may query. "Why
do poets 110 that?" It is a well-known
fact that many poets. and artists in gen
eral. eventuall suffer from what I like
to call Aging Rock Star Syndrome.
This sad ailment is caused when an artist
puts out a few good albums. compila
tions. or hooks and establishes them
selves as a recognized person in their
particular field. After this establishment
occurs, the artist is able to put out
mediocre albums with only one decent
Friday, January 16, 2009
morning tbrgetting to write the new
year. Alcohol has nothing to do with it.
In psychology. you learn that it takes
up to 20 days to form a habit so it might
just be that simple. It's just amazing
how you can forget something that hap-
pens every year on the same day.
Luckily, I wmte my thank you cards
in January and caught my mistake early,
so in February I am still not writing the
wrong year. I guess that's the perk of
writing thank you cards in a timely man-
poetry
song and the rest are tiller. This leaves
the devoted fans with nothing but disap
pointment and confusion.
After reading all of this and seeing
how much work can he put into reading
poetry, an even more astute reader may
think, "What's the point?" The point is
that reading poetry will make you
smaller. It can maybe give a man some
thing more to talk to a woman about
than how cool her cell phone is and how
it matches her eyes. It also may help a
gratuitously macho man seem gentler,
or an engineer look well-rounded. Just
remember that poetry is not a replace
ment for good hygiene. So make sure
you remember to shower every day. Just
a heads up there.
Beacon Thumbs Down
rfl .
a-t-i
-11
._d_. ...
if 1,1, If lb If N.
- Negative temperatures
- Wind chill
- Full classes
- Salt rings on jeans