Friday, April 1 25, 2008
Don’t Forget to Validate Your Parking miu i c
And the microphone on this thing
-- holy cow! Not only does it
catch every nuance and texture of
sound, but it also seemingly
mixes and equalizes sound while
it films. Completely takes out the
post-production process. Isn't
that beautiful 7
This space For Rent
Bryce Sayers April 24. 2008: the lime I began this was 6:04 p.m.. this may likely be my last suh-
Loyal Humorist mission to the Beacon humor page. lam told there won't be a humor page next year
bassooo@psu.edu [h a i th e final issue is just going to be the year in review. I'm also uncertain where life
will take me from here. We were going to print a parody of Allen Ginsberg's "America” inspired by my
trip to an anime convention, but it was too long. I'm not upset: I think it'd be better suited for the Evening
of Dubious Tastes. Now you have to go to the event it you want my "A game.
I’m not certain what my good material is. At the beginning of the semester I got into a comic-drawing
streak. I tried working visual puns. Freudian jokes and parodies of popular comics but I have second
thoughts over just about all of them that got printed. 1 know what my least favorite is. 1 redrew the intro
ductory Garfield comic ala the schizophrenic artist and eat person Louis Wain. I planned to make an
entire series, but I should have known better than to think it was tunny.
Unfortunately the paper didn't publish my “best" comic either, and it was my ow n fault. After discov
ering some underground work and realized the key to its appeal was how personal and trank it was. 1 doo
dled something trying to grasp that style. The result was a musing over my paradoxical interest and skep
ticism in the supernatural. 1 titled it Shadow People Watch me Pee. The production team liked it: Jeremy
said it was better than anything else I gave him (hopefully only up to that time), and it w as certainly more
original than the other comics 1 drew. It needed a lot of cleaning up but 1 ne\ cr made another draft. Sadly
the original had also been thrown out. If 1 could do things over again 1 would have had someone who
could actually draw do it over. Perhaps it will end up somewhere in the future.
Like the Shadow People one-shot and the letter of apology this feature is another strike at a different
It was unbelievable, you can
toss this camera around like a
bowling ball and it would still
function properly
.\V V * < X,
/ Sir, there is no such \
( camera in existence, ) \ .*
■, ,
J
fr
WELL, YOU TELL THAT X, lr »
TO JJ. ABRAMS THEN!!!
CAUSE HIS WHOLE
FIN' MOVIE HANGS
ON THAT GIMMICK!!!
a
RHGNNGI
arewe
"I don't want to achieve iminorlalit\ through my work. I w ant to achieve it through not dying." Woody Allen.
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7
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Enes
Disclaimer: All articles are for entertainment purposes only.
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Stuck
Letter from the Editor
Jeremy Korwek To my reader, well
Former Humor Editor maybe readers. 1 have
jdksoo9@psu.edu sonl ° news lor you
The humor page has
leached its end. It has done ail it can do. at least
lor now. The page has been through a lot over the
past couple of years. With the now Californiafied
Jem Bold bringing it back from the depths of
obscurity and keeping it alive during its darkest
hours. There was Ben Raymond: 1 don't know
much about him except that those in the Beacon
liked him. Alter Ben was Mike Sharkey, possible
one of the greatest humor editors to grace the halls
Weekly Horoscopes
Jeremy Korwek
Part-Time Astrologer
jdksoo9@psit.edu
oik' the\ should consult when new problems crop
Mosth because you're the one causing the
up
problems
Taurus (April 20-\lay 20): You're so busy today
that it makes you realize where you were wasting
time before. I'se the extra time tomorrow to write
for the beacon.
Gemini (May 21-June 21): You've been hurt.
Seek medienl attention immediately. Only kid
ding, just mb some dirt on it.
Cancer (June 22-July 22): You're connecting
w ith people you used to know well and finding out
how they have changed over time. Especially
those single celled ones, they have functional
lungs. Isn't evolution grand.’
Eeo (July 23-Aug. 22): You're active, trying
physical feats before thinking. Usually that leads
to a lot of broken ears and busted windows, so
calm clown Or. Banner.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Give yourself a tight
deadline. The Grim Reaper waits for no one.
Laugh Out Loud Cats #792 Adam “Apelad” Koford
vein than I'm used to. Jerry may have insisted 1 was a comedy Midas when it came to absurdum. but the
way 1 see it if I'm funny at all it really only comes out in dry observational humor. That must be the real
reason why 1 chose History, so 1 could cram a lot of stuff to be opinionated about into my whine machine.
All the same I fear I have just as much of a chance getting paid for History as I did with a Film degree.
Taking this into account. I've built up another pipedream.
I always had an unpolished appreciation for music. Back in high school 1 was too shy to throw in with
the music snobs, so 1 developed a kind of anti-taste for music. 1 was also a band geek. It certainly did
n't help that 1 got into video game music, but now I’m making amends. I still haven't got a bead on my
favorite genres, but I know 1 lean towards trip-hop and psychedelic rock. 1 also listen to Nine Inch Nails
and Wesley Willis more than anyone should, but at least it’s not as repetitive and asocial as video game
soundtracks. Some day. once I'm settled into a more urban environment and have trained my voice I'd
like to start a band. I anticipate that our music would be really experimental and outside the norms at
first, so it likely wouldn't take off in Erie. While I realize I should show more respect for the art part of
me really wants to gel into it just as an excuse to sing Willis’ songs. Maybe we can settle for one a gig.
when we feel safe enough to joke around with the audience.
1 did feel safe to joke around w ith this audience. It was also fulfilling to submit opinion pieces. Even
if it didn't win my candidate Pennsylvania it was rewarding to get my thoughts across in a more serious
tone. I leave with hopes that my writing did something to enrich the lives of its readers, even if it was
only good for a laugh or two. I'm starting to realize just how important even that can be. Rock over
London, rock on Erie, [slogan removed due to copyright issues).
T)
L\
Aries (March 21-
April 19): Hopefully.
people you work with
realize that you're the
The Behrend Beacon I
of Behrend. Sharkey not only kept the humor page
up and running but also functioned as a photo edi
tor, and graphic design, among other things for the
Beacon
While Sharkey may have been able to wear
many, many hats at one time, and wear them well
I might add, I can't wear hats, nobody has them in
my size. That's not to say I'm leaving the Beacon.
not at all. I'm just putting the Humor page down
and picking up a different Beacon project. Maybe
someday, some eager young student will come
along and revive The Behrend Beacon's humor
page.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): It was probably a w ise
individual who once said. "Chocolate, men. coffee
some things are better rich." It was probably the
same person who bankrupted Enron.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Your perfect relation
ship allows you to be strange, offbeat and quirky.
Just make sure you get weekly updates to your
Stepford Wife. . .
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21 ): Knowing that yoh
can't take work home with you. you will do what
you need to handle your responsibilities quickly
and cleanly. UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT
RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A should do the trick.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You admire some
one and would like it if this person fell the same
way. They would like it if you would stop staring
at their ass.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your life brings a
baffling twist. Kind of looks like a Mbbius strip,
might want to figure out which side is the lop and
which is the bottom before you move on.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Stamina is vour
thing. Now just work on your Charisma and
Strength.
w ™
'**,».
Anna Pennington