day, Febuary 15, 2008
Don’t Forget to Validate Your Parking
...so I was supposed to mee
Lindsay Lohan for casting t<
But then I get a call from
agent saying, "She can't mal
cause she's not sure if she t
to do another movie at this
.the owner of the ploce is
rhis older Thai woman who
knows me by name She
speaks in broken English,
nd in a loud volume as most
fobby Asians tend to do
So I'm picking up> my pod;
thai, and she soys tP me,'
'Votf Strike? I tell her
all the writers are
Striking, Then she asked,
"Who you strike?!!"
I tell her against the
studios and networks
Finally she asked. "What
you strike about?'! 1 "
/ I looked up and just stared at
/ her I didn't know how to
/ explain it. It's complicated. I
I barely understand all the
\ issues myself, much less break
\ it down to someone who barely
\ speaks a lick of English.
: mean, how am I supposed
i make her understand DVD
residuals, new streaming
edia, fair market value, and
augh Out Loud Cats #55
E JOST
Lookttf*~
DIS T(AM£..
'Jokes are not really funny at all. but relleet the most serious of eoncerns: the pursuit of sobriety through the suppression of the absurd."- Marvin Minsky
( Interesting j
' I said to the agent, "Did
indsay decide this at the
we originally set up the
ieeting, or after she got
d up last night and now
in't climb out of bed?"
There's
this Thai
place I go
/ I was talking”
l about Lindsay-
listen, there's
this Thai place I
go to on Sunset
rollbacks?
(.i >,
'v-v y~ j
fZ- jVC .
Adam “Apelad”Koford
KTH X?V€!
Disclaimer: All articles are for entertainment pajposes only.
lUI/I
Mike Le
International News Watch
Steve Gibson, a 30-year-old graphic
designer from Cupertino, California, was
said to be ‘upset and bewildered’ after his
Valentine gifts of a dozen wilted roses and a
box of stale chocolates were received with
an enthusiastic hug and kiss from his long
time girlfriend, Claire.
The last-minute present, which still had
the price on, was supposed to have been the
final straw in a six-month campaign of
obnoxious behavior intended to make his
girlfriend realize their relationship was over
and leave him. The opposite occurred, after
she discovered the gifts on their couch
where Gibson had dumped them. Clare
“skipped” to the kitchen to make a romantic
Valentines dinner, leaving Gibson to write
complaining text messages on the iPhone
Claire had gotten him to mark the occasion.
Wanting for the single life but needing the
rent-controlled apartment, Gibson had
launched the campaign by buying Clare a
handheld vacuum for Christmas. He also
went above and beyond to be rude to her
Weekly Horoscopes
By Jerome Beramd Pohl lIIx
Failed astronomer and part time cosmometer.
ARES- Though not as popular as others,
many people rely on you for your entertain
ing nature, great taste in music, and willing
ness to provide for them. This is a good time
to use your computer skills, but avoid people
with the initials R, I, A,and A.
TARTARUS- Despite the abundance of peo
ple you have with you, none of diem are
happy. Things are getting pretty hot and you
wish things weren't so bleak. Despite every
thing people will still cross rivers to get to
you.
GREMLINI- This is a good time to stay in
and get out of the sun. Getting a tan by the
pool is out of the question. Not just due to the
bright daylight, but also the possibility of
getting splashed, which would result in more
problems for you and those around you.
Stick to your diet and don't have any mid
night snacks and things should be fine.
CANCER- You are unpopular right now, but
are not entirely blameless for that People
would not want you out of their lives so
quickly if you were more benign. Despite the
lengths that people will go to in order to be
rid of you, you serve an important purpose
and your presence is only natural as time
progresses.
LEGO- Your small stature is not a hinder
ance to you, though you may often feel lost.
You are an important part of the big picture,
Those you surround yourself with are color
ful and full of character and style, and that
counts for a great deal. You are part of some
thing greater than yourself alone, never for
get that.
VIRGIN- It's time for a change in strategy
and self image. If what you've been trying
hasn't been working, you can’t wait for the
world to change for you. You know there are
The Behrend Beacon I
friends, he also showed up drunk and three
hours late when her parents came to dinner.
He purposely forgot their anniversary,
which was difficult because it coincided
with her birthday, and New Year’s Eve.
Even with all of this Clare remained upbeat
and understanding.
“I’m running out of options,” complained
Gibson, while he cut his toenails, and
watched Bikini Mud Wrestling on Pay Per
View, “For the past month I’ve been telling
her that she doesn’t need (hat second muf
fin, But she won’t take the hint. If this goes
on much longer, I’m just going to have to
tell her I’ve been sleeping with her sister.”
Will Claire did confess she has been a bit
“lovey-dovey” of late, but feels that’s nor
mal for this time of year. However, she
believes that the evening she has prepared is
nearly perfect.
newsbiscuit.com
more important aspects to this game, but
until someone will let you play that hardly
matters. My advice is to find a friend with
parallel woes and help each other.
LIBERIA- Do not be consumed by the
chaos that surrounds you. You may feel
ignored by those you consider important
right now, but take solace in the negative
effects their attentions have on others.
SCORPION- Do not be quick to anger. Both
your words and actions can be toxic to those
around you if you are not careful. You may
feel small, but when people see the sharpness
of your wit, they will give you the respect
you deserve.
VAGITTARIUS- At this time things are
going to be rough for a couple of days.
Perceiver and ride out the storm. You will
face troubles like this many times in your
life, but that which does not kill you makes
you stronger. Don't be surprised if this hap
pens again next month, but only once in a
blue moon will you have to deal with it more
often than that.
CANDYCORN- Things always seem stag
nant for you this time of year, but do not
despair. Your time of prosperity falls with the
shortening of the days. There is no need for
change, only patience, stay as colorful as
you've always been.
AQUARIUMS- This is a time of renewal for
you. Get some smaller containers and drain
opt everything to make room for refilling.
Wheat you're done things will be clearer ad
your room .will smell better.
PIECES- The puzzle isn't complete for you
yet. This is a time for self-reflection. Start
with four stable comers on which to base
your life and fill in a border from there. Once
you have your parameters straight it will
only be a matter of time before the rest is
filled in.
Bryce Sayers