6 I The Behrend Beacon Thought for food By Rebecca Andrusky staff writer I am often described as a picky eater. I feel that this is a pretty negative term. I prefer the term 'selective.' For example, 1 am a vegetarian. Some people become vegetarians for the sake ofanimal rights, and others for health reasons. 1 became a vegetarian because, frankly. I'm lazy. Vegetables are a lot easier to eat because unlike a deer they don't need to be chased before eating it. If you eat meat, there is effort involved, usually in the form of hunting, slaughtering, going to the grocery store and picking out a cut. and possibly grilling it on top of that. Lettuce does not run 45 miles per hour and does not need to be shot with a gun before it can be I was never much of a shellfish fan before I stopped eating meat either. I have certain rules about w hat foods 1 eat. hence one of the reasons I’m often told I'm a picks eater. But really, these rules seem like common sense to me. For one. I do not eat food that had to molt before I got a hold of it. To me. that only makes sense. If a cow had to shed all its skin in the middle of the field every couple of weeks. I doubt anyone would be quite as inclined to eat it. So. that rule right there gets rid of all crus taceans, insects, and anything else that might be hiding under the counter of McDonald’s with more than four legs. Actually, the second rule is that I don't eat anything that is hiding under the counter of a McDonald's, no matter how many legs it has. So. reallv. the best food to eat is food that: 1. Doesn't require any significant amount of energy in order to eat (i.e. no chasing, hunting. Elections are a farce By Jerry Pohl calendar page editor A friend of mine wrote something about this year's election. At first I didn’t think anything of it. but then I checked into it. Its 2006, there was an election in 2004, and elections only happen every 4 years; it literally didn't add up. After a quick Wikipedia search I found out what's been going on. This supposed election you may have heard about is just another myth cooked up by the liberal media to attack our president. The public is not going to fall for some made up election, just like they didn't fall for global warming or civil rights. This pseudo-election is nothing more than an exaggeration of the facts. Several of the paper pushers in Congress will be reappointed this year and that’s it. Don’t be fooled by the fact that there will be "voting.” I’ve done some research and these people in Congress have been around so long that voting doesn’t even faze them. Sometimes there are new peo ple running for Congress, but they’re probably just doing it for a school project or something since it’s obvious they can’t get in. I don't know why these congress men ever run for President, that’s a dead end job; there’s no room for advancement. Being in Congress is job security second only to the Supreme Court, which auto- picking, cooking, excessive chewing etc). 2. Does not have an exoskeleton to remove either by allowing the animal to molt or taking a chisel to 3. Does not live under counters This brings us t 0... what DOES make food good? Personally. I have found that the less healthy the food, the better it tastes. For example, lets compare regular amazing potato chips, low fat potato chips and no fat potato chips. Regular amazing potato chips are. well...amazing. They are greasy and salty and absolutely horrible for you (so says the nutritional chart on the back of the bag' listing them as having 600 calories per five chips). Low-fat potato chips have less fat and calories, but also half the flavor, and who wants that? And no fat potato chips, as we all know, are just cardboard in dis guise. It’s like movie popcorn. Why would anyone ever order movie popcorn without butter and salt? It completely defeats the purpose of popcorn. Without the butter and salt, though healthier fok you, movie popcorn becomes just.... popped com. What makes junk food really qualify as GOOD food for me. besides just tasting amazing, is that it is virtually effortless to prepare. Potato chips are just poured into a bowl; TV dinners are popped in the microwave. Even vegetables (though not junk food) require nothing more than taking a carrot, for example, out of the fridge and eating it. Veggies eaten raw will not give you E-coli, mad cow disease, or some other deadly illness. And yet again, the biggest plus for me is that raw veggies, as well as most other junk food take no effort to prepare, and they still qualify as food for most people. Bon appetite all. matically comes with permanent tenure More evidence that this election is a ruse is the fact that it’s not gerrymandered enough. Sure there’s the small-time local districting stuff, but nothing as massive as the Electoral College, whoa-boy, now that’s disproportionate representation. There’s no better way to divide America than to literally divide it by proportion of political party members. Without that nec essary division, liberals would run mad with power, holding elections every time they didn’t like how things were going. Without gerrymandering we’d be no bet ter than the ancient Greeks or American Idol. The election cycle is analogous to crop rotation; you have to leave a field fallow for awhile to ensure a good crop. This is why too many elections would be disas trous. Our political field has been a dust bowl since before I was old enough to vote. I’ve done my part by not registering, and thanks to general voter apathy, the lack of irrigation on our untilled political farm will soon result in a beautiful desert, perfect for opening a dune buggy course. The amber waves of governmental grain are no longer plagued by weeds like the thorny Newus Ideaum. Now we just have to wait for that pesky grain to whither and die so we can use the land for something that might actually yield results, like drilling for oil , i * *' V -': ,! ' v** . -•:. V * ‘ •• - ■ iumd: T‘ r Practically Political Will Rogers once said, “It’s easy being a humorist when you’ve got the whole government working for you.” He also said “an onion can make peo ple cry but there’s never been a veg etable that can make people laugh.” but since it doesn’t apply to the upcoming election, we’re not going to pay much attention to it here No, really, he’s right. Our govern ment, the wacky and fun-loving organiza tion that it is, is a con stant producer of quality entertainment and has been for over 200 years. It works like this: every two to six years, the public goes to various voting locations around the country and collec tively selects who is going to represent them in our system of government. Well, the winners won’t really represent the public per se, but will have already been bought off by powerful corporate interests and influ ential lobbies. Don’t worry if your candidate loses, though, because most powerful businesses and lobbies buy both candidates to insure that it does- n’t matter. This is a good thing, since most Americans can’t name their current representatives neither in the House of Representatives nor the Senate, let alone the candidates running or what their views are. In fact, most Americans don’t even know what parts of our government are involved in this election business. Since it’s important for citizens to make respon sible choices, I’ll include a brief description of some of the major offices that are up for grabs this week: US Representatives: The House of Representatives consists mainly of middle-aged white Protestant men who would like to be Senators. This house of our governmental legislature is the one that makes laws regarding important issues like finance, taxes, social issues, trade, and Terri Schiavo. This is why it is made up of people You belter recot>ni:e t see a Befioripou uft ahsao of us. THfctO MOOVU PRoPoSe TO twe CHAfcMwo<3i» Otoe might cwee. a I COOHTcess HtAOS Of I HftpPiN&s? ftwo oewcrriO'J By Pat Webster managing editor first wt'u, vwe foiJ OprirJG CAToAtuy Sr '.Ral MOnITHS. THfeiO ute’WL have A » Uftvtgn iMvATfc Al-LCW£. FRIERS' / w RGLA-riv/e?. J TH£fOOwfc PA'i IVu 6&r Slot anp Tie.ec? OF youe. FACe anp cHuoftcec! who have held a variety of important jobs and have notable qualifications on their resumes, like used car sales man, inheriting a lot of money, or hav ing fathers that were politicians before them. US Senators: The Senate is com posed almost exclusively by middle aged white Protestant men who would like to be President. This house of legislature deals with meaningful issues like foreign policy, treaties with contributed PHOTOjobs and have notable qualifications ontheir resumes, like used car salesman, inheriting a lot of money, or having fathers that were politicians before them. State Governor: State governors are important people who spend a great deal of time dealing with important issues in their state and who also would like to be President. Actually, I’m not quite sure what they do. Like Presidents, they seem to take credit for everything good that happens and blame the legis lature for anything bad. Lieutenant Governor: Lieutenant governors have no func tion. State Representatives: State rep resentatives usually are minor local celebrities who would like to become US Representatives. These legislators handle laws that deal with the day-to day business of their constituents, Friday, November 3, 2006 lucrative casino deals, taxes, and edu cation. This is why it is made up of people who have held a variety of important jobs and have notable qual ification's on their resumes, like used car salesman, inheriting a lot of money, or having fathers that were politicians before them. All in all, this means that the voting public has a lot of research to do to find out which candidate for each of these positions holds views that more closely resemble their own. other coun law This would include hours of comb ing through press releases, newspaper articles, and attending political con ventions and debates. Fortunately, the candidates buy advertising time on local television stations so prospective voters don’t even have to leave their recliners. Many, if not most citizens might not have even been aware that an opportunity to exercise their civic duty was approaching, if not for the helpful ads pointing out that the other guy often takes part in satanic rituals and hates puppies and apple pie. The public, being the keen observers that they are, pay close attention to these commercials right up until the point they’re ready to throw a brick through their television set. The arrival of the actual election enforcement, and passing laws that con trol the amount of that goes through your toilet when you flush. This is why it is made up of people who have held a variety of ort a n t no doubt saves a great many innocent TVs from imminent doom as the pub lic heads off to the polls, where they CONTRIBUTED PHOTO less...leading to our government offices being filled with people who have held a variety of important jobs and have notable qualifications on their resumes, like used car salesman, inheriting a lot of money, or having fathers that were politicians before them. 07.0C6 B 'mftfr TH£tJ wt'u. IWe A*o Exciting a»oo CouftrSmPumH SteiOUSMtS? A^COMM'TMe>'T TH£n> Otfc. 1 UU 60 o