Page 10
The Behrend Beacon
Miss Cleo knows what's coming to her!
Miss Cleo poses for the camera. The woman we know and love might be in trouble with the authorities thanks to
allegations of fraud. Miss Cleo...please say it ain’t so!
By Tanya Barrientos
Knight Ridder Newspapers
Back in August, I tried to call Miss Cleo.
I wanted to talk with her about a bad moon
rising. Mysterious sources, channeled
through the Associated Press, had informed
me that the television-commercial psychic
with the Jamaican accent as strong as is
land rum was about to face serious legal
problems. The state of Missouri was sore
about the way she was peddling her sixth
sense to the public, and it filed a lawsuit
calling her a fraud.
Maybe she saw it coming, and that’s why
she was out every time 1 phoned. Maybe
she could feel the wicked mojo emanating
from the Show Me State, and sensed there
was bigger trouble on the horizon.
. If she did, she was right. Now the feds
Through the Looking Glass
A Texas man suffers from a bizarre psychological disorder that
causes him to fly into an uncontrollable rage whenever he hears certain
words, among them, "Wisconsin," "Snickers" and "Mars."
He thought his girlfriend was about to say "New Jersey," so he
shot her. He was convicted of aggravated assault.
Ten couples got married Valentine , s Day in an outdoor ceremony at
Runaway Bay on Jamaica' s north coast. They were all nude.
Crossword
ACROSS
1 Go away!
6 Space saucers
10 Trolley car
14 University of
Maine location
15 Location
16 Hawkeye State
1 7 “Little Lupe
Lu”
18 Town north of
Denver
20 Chew the
scenery
21 Glistened
22 Anil or woad
23 Graffiti artist's
equipment
25 Performance
27 Cartoon sailor
30 Ginsberg poetry
collection
33 Interrupt rudely
37 Cowboy’s
nickname
38 Black-and-white
treat
39 RSVP-er
41 Hoi fudge, e g.
43 Verdi opera
44 Dashed
46 Florida explorer
47 The slammer
48 Increase
50 Put the collar on
52 Viennese, for
example
57 Director Howard
59 Overjoy
62 Eagle's abode
63 Too willing
65 Andes beast
66 Poi root
67 Waistcoat
68 1946-52 N.L.
home-run
leader
69 Otherwise
70 Concerning
71 Eyelid swellings
DOWN
1 Parts of shoes
2 Constrict
3 Distributor part
4 Baker or Pointer
5 Long/Hanks
movie, with
“The"
€> 2002 Tribune Media Servtoee, inc
Al rtQtria reoMved.
Solutions
6 Consumes
completely
7 Mesh fabric
8 Football great
Graham
9 Visualized
10 Betting guide
11 Hope/Crosby
movie
12 Askew
13 Manufacture
19 Body of water
24 Doomed ones
26 Uses an axe
28 Still
29 Mass departure
31 Departed
32 Peacock of TV,
33 Slant
34 Military group
35 At-home fast
Mexico
51 Hive builder
53 Started the fire
ai,c>in
54 Teheran man
55 Singer Mann
food
36 Crownlet
40 Have a hero
42 Pre-game
encouragement
45 Most orderly
are after the two companies the allegedly
clairvoyant Miss C shills for. They say Psy
chic Readers Network Inc. and Access Re
sources Services Inc. cheat people out of
their hard-earned cash.
On Friday, a federal judge ruled that in
vestigators could not only peer into the
phone-in fortune-teller’s crystal ball, but
also take a close look at the companies’
business practices.
That ruling came after the Federal Trade
Commission Filed a lawsuit alleging that
the firms scam callers into paying for ser
vices she advertises as being free, harasses
patrons by repeatedly calling them at home,
bills folks for things they never bought, and
threatens to report them to collection goons
when they argue.
Of course, the head of the companies,
Peter Stolz, says the feds are wrong. Oh,
the weekly column that asks if there is intelligent life out there
by Mike Pingree
KRT Campus
IF I MAY SPEAK FREELY, HON
YOU' RE CHILLY, DARLING, I CAN TELL
56 Closes in
57 Memorization
Vallarta,
by repetition
58 The _ Office
60 Volcano output
61 Gets older
64 Fish eggs
FEATURES
Friday, March 1, 2002
sure, some callers have complained (the
commission puts the number at 2,000), but
he says that’s how it goes in the realm of
the unknown.
“To say we are being deceptive is just
plain wrong,” Stolz said, adding that
“99.999 percent of customers are happy
with the service.”
With Friday’s preliminary injunction,
the companies have agreed to take the
mystery out of their pricing by telling call
ers up front what a glimpse into the future
will cost them. The injunction will be in
place until the court rules on the suit’s al
legations.
So, you think it’s curtains for Cleo?
Open your mind. She already has a slick
lawyer. I predict that she’ll get an even
slicker Hollywood agent, and that her plan
ets will realign. She couldn’t have asked
•»«» 'ff j C2>==o "Jiii nag
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for better publicity.
After a few pesky court appearances and
the negotiation of a hefty fine or two, she’ll
be free to pursue her true calling: mega
stardom.
My Magic 8 Ball says her chances are
good.
She’ll read Letterman’s palm, then do
Leno’s chart. She’ll trade in her turban for
silky designer robes, and before we know
it she’ll be starring in her own TV show.
Think I’m crazy?
Look at John Edward. On his syndicated
show, “Crossing Over, he supposedly
speaks with the dead.
For an hour every morning, he stands in
the center of a softly lit studio and makes
people in his audience weep as he tells
them that dearly departed Grandma, or
Uncle Ted, or little sister Tess still remem
bers how much they love chocolate cake,
and by the way, isn’t it time to buy a new
car?
All I’m saying is there’s a market.
Miss C should use her down time to
study Edward carefully. He’s a master of
making skepticism work for him. He has
invited journalists to watch him channel,
and according to their reports his readings
miss as often as they hit. Still, through the
magic of editing he has become a daytime
TV star.
Florida authorities want Miss Cleo to
prove she really is a renowned seer from
Jamaica. That’s her cue: All she needs is a
sheepskin from the Shaman Community
College in Kingston and it’s goodbye, bad
luck.
Want to know what Edward’s psychic
credentials are? He was a ballroom-danc-
ing instructor.
Hey, Miss Cleo, give me a call and I’ll
be happy to give you more advice, for the
low, low price of $4.99 a minute.
““I
Ingredients:
Karl Benacci, Features Editor
HOROSCOPES
Horoscopes *
Horoscopes
To get the advantage, check the day's rating: 10 is
the easiest day, 0 the most challenging.
Today’s Birthday (March 2). Have you dreamed
of a fabulous cruise that you haven’t quite been
able to afford? Well, maybe this year you can get
closer. How are you at setting long-term goals?
Delaying gratification?
To get the advantage, check the day’s rating:
10 is the easiest day, 0 the most challenging.
Aries (March 21-April 19) - Today is a 5 -
Finances are of growing concern. Getting the
interest to grow on your savings might be your
motivation, or maybe cutting the interest you’re
paying on debt.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Today is a 7 - You
recently have been hooked up to a new source of
power. Mars, the planet of action, adrenaline and
assertiveness, has just gone into your sign.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) - Today is a 7 - Keep
your eye open for bargains; they’re all around
you. Anticipate traveling delays and be patient.
Cancer (June 22-July 22) - Today is a 7 - A
slight renovation at your house can make things a
lot more comfortable.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) - Today is a 7 -
Wondering how to make a special person notice
you? A little gift might be nice, but nothing too
outrageous.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) - Today is a 7 - You
could do quite well financially now. It could be
money coming in, or money you save on a
purchase. Do the homework.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct 22) - Today is an 8 -
Having fun should be your first priority. That
doesn’t mean you get to be lazy, benefactor. Or,
you might simply get a raise.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) - Today is a 7 - If
you let others know you’re listening to them,
they’re more likely to listen to you.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - Today is a 6 -
Earlier is better for having friends over. Later,
you’ll be more into solitude, reflection, contem
plation ... maybe even paying a few bills. Do it
while you’re in the mood.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - Today is a 7 -
The more you practice your craft, the better you
become. Others appreciate your expertise and
reward you generously.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - Today is a 7 - Get
out for as long as you can with your true love,
dearest friend or both. You may not get far, but
you’ll have a good time while you can. Make thr
most of each moment.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) - Today is a 7 -
You’ll be able to stay inside for a while, so do
your chores quickly.
DITHERED TVfTS
Never ask a flamenco artist for a lap-dance.
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ShrnWi