The Behrend beacon. (Erie, Pa.) 1998-current, April 01, 2000, Image 1
Coed Naked Archery to debut as intramural sport 4mm** Behren Vol. MZPQLT No. 23 69 pages Presidential candidate The Rock holds tagteam debate at Behrend by Jabroni manager of Smack Down Hotel Just one week after WWF superstar The Rock announced his candidacy for U.S. President, the "People’s Can didate" brought the "People’s Cam paign" to Penn State Behrend for a tagteam debate. The debate matched The Rock with his running mate Mick Foley against A 1 Gore with vice presi dential nominee bongo the three legged monkey and George W. Bush with Jesse “The Body" Ventura. The Rock had a different idea as far as how the debate would run, moving away from the traditional debates held in the past. Gore and Bush got a quick sense of how things would run when the Rock asked them what they felt about raising college tuition prices. Gore began to answer, "1 think..." "It doesn’t matter what you think about tuition prices!" said the Rock. Bacon tests new font by Mike Frawley managing editor £i? *x» ?□«—N#e * x* ® ✓ v : ®a<o * :<aaxa ✓ •« i a— *>.fi&© ~*l “+*?* 9 R *3 9 h * + ? 9 *KO ii + ? * ii + *M + * * + * + * *~9 “ A«A AA[]^ia)Mi ?*!a?A*Xj l £# ftOA »* ?a All ©•* X?v* fl,? v *fiO« o^xiix □«_©□• ®* t * © ?»•!." i »l?0«l? fetfjft ?AjfcXA A ® »A@©#B anftxex rifc*j©Ml #x*i + —□•' + O ! »B? The April Fool’s Day Edition of the Bacon is entirely fictional to the best of our knowledge. All quotes, events and photo captions are totally fake...but if you didn’t know that then hit your call button and our photo editor will find you and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you are a pinhead. HAVE A HAPPY ARMISTICE DAY “It doesn’t matter what any of the is sues are. The only thing that matters to these students is that the Rock and Mick Foley can out-talk you, out campaign you and lay the smack down on you if you disagree with any thing we say!" The Rock continued, "So let's get to what everyone wants to see; a triple threat, tagteam match where the win ner takes all." Erie Hall was then transformed into a wrestling arena as hundreds of Be hrend students filed in for the event. The match began with the vice presidential candidates facing off. Mick Foley was thought to have had the upper hand, until Jesse “The Body, Mind and Soul” Ventura started mak ing fun of Foley s mother. Folev turned into the deranged Mankind and started whaling on Ventura. Bongo skipped off and joined A 1 Gore in his tree-hugging. Foley and Ventura brawled down the stairs which left the * ~ XI/ A -f X ✓ <a ✓ ? <> A ft # a X A X ?*•&*• ?<ftAH • •#rfft?J" <*>- - ?i3^ax «••*? L># £?• ?*4xQ»? ✓ ? -•+<D#ft '>__* ?AftX □JV + 9+* II +* ? !! + *?* ?ffiffivftffiffi? EH-ffi+ • • to— «-ffi© to*®to? i * ? M- s±- a*°*®x □ &—* -?j^.xl to- i * (Da ®# +^m + ®ffift? to— Affixx ?• a 43 ■'ffi *2*l M,m •• |x ft *arf © i * x*mi ffia ®# s>• + * X|IX O ? Affi?ft ?.r : «axi t^xft Rock and George W. Bush in the ring. Bush surprised the Rock with some left hands to the head. Bush used chairs and Bruno’s food to continue the assault, until Behrend’s own Ed Mulfinger, Manager of Housing and Food Service interfered. The Rock took advantage of Mulfinger’s help, ending the match and the debate with the “People’s El bow." Mulfinger said, “I couldn't tolerate such a waste of perfectly good food.” The Rock interupted saying, “good food? You know what I’m going to do with that good food. I am going to take it out of its cheap wrapper, fill it up with bongo’s monkey turds, turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candy a**.” The Rock immediately went to work as president getting fast food restaurants across Jordan Road to make sure that Behrend always can "smell what the Rock is cookin’.” • n + ?✓*•»■- ii + ? ✓ ii ✓ n ll + ? </ *■ - ✓vii+ ? *■ ~* ? w \\* + ?i*M^- II ii 4- ? i t | ii v <p + ? *■ ii ✓ + ? «■ ii + ✓ v *M ii + ✓ ?•*■• + *? * Bua- ■» n + ? *■ll * + ? + ? * i *MM n + * • *M -•ii + ? * ■ - ■ ? ? x ft• *, e a«j ft fflj-BftX#X ! ftte a? ? -m® * a®-# + r ? ?Affi**#ffi? ?ft + c*>-—*? a- '•^feOftX i *2 * a ®#| to- ••* + I ®ffi*o ffitfJft H ft X © X ft •ffidft V sx®Qft? ft«ft & ■®nft? «ffix®ffiß A«ft <*,✓□* ax^lx^!/ •t. M SXxj A«jft ?fluftv*offi? ®*? ®•□ X ■ • ® * + ■ □-#?©••x®#H I ft XftDft®«ftft * + ! ✓ || + ?«’«*■«) ii * + ? i * M *» * ii + *?•■«'*- ffi?ftV A - ?✓»• u&e <V A ffiffix A® + X ft X 3Me * + + II + * * ✓ || ■«] lftffife© □ □ < , The Rekrenp Bacon Iwpex , , News page V WWF Report page 2.2 Corry News page 8 1/2 Huh? page 69 Saturday, April 1, 1900 The Rock shakes hands with AXE president Christina Aguilera before the big debate N’Sync to rock at Spring Fever! by Agent Katherine 10th wonder of the world Forget Brownie Mary and the Buzz Poets! N’Sync is coming to Spring Fever! And no one is happier about it than the Editor-in- Chief of the Beacon! “I cannot wait to see the guys in the band! They are the best singers in the world!” Just how did Behrend manage to book N’Sync? It was pretty much a fluke accident, but we can all thank Behrend student Gretchen Lokey. It was Lokey who is so obsessed with the band that she wrote 45,000 letters to their agent begging him to bring N’Sync to the campus. Rather than deal with any more letters, he caved and now Justin, J.C., Lance, Chris and Joey will be in the apartment quad this Saturday. With all the excitement this boy band is sure to bring, officers in Police and Safety are being trained on how to enforce crowd control. They have been temporarily issued tazer guns and are eager to use them. They have List of Stuff page 4 Nude Pictures page 3 Where’s Waldo page 2 Sports page 1 been warned about the obsessive behaviors of both Lokey and the Editor-in-Chief and are on the look out for them N’Sync will be performing songs off of both of their CD’s, and it has been rumored that they will be singing I Me rive members of N’Sync get fired up for Spring Fever. the song, Bye, Bye, Bye 15 times. It has also been reported that several students, including Lokey and her roommate, Kate Galley, will be preparing a dance to the song and will get up on stage and accompany the band in their final encore performance of Bye, Bye, Bye. The band also plans to call up Beacon staff member Mike Frawley to the stage to make sure that he gets Bacon . •*■"*»*. mm I M—I.- „ GawßswsS' s***® Hooters 9KCHVEB campuspß n j 200 a imam?* A Penn State Erie Student Pubication to hear them perform an extra special love song, just for him. Assistant Professor of Political Science, Dr. Robert Speel says, “I love the band more than words can express. I saw them in Toronto and Chris waved at me! I know he will remember me! I love them!” In addition to the concert the band will be sponsoring a date auction and will be auctioning off themselves to five lucky ? ' : *v TMS PHOTO Beacon that they will do everything they can to make sure that next year’s band will top N’Sync. But students have been doubtful that they can pull it off. Frawley said, “there is no way that they will top this year...unless of course they can book the Backstreet Boys. Now those guys are hot!” i 1 f 8 YESHIVA UNIVERSITY TMS PHOTO audience members There has been some debate as to whether or not Behrend will be able to top this Spring Fever next year. Lion Entertainment Board has told the