The Behrend College
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April Fool's Day, 1998
Plans for $2O million
to include free beer for
business students
by Oz
ciaff Rriter
An unusual turn of events took
place over the past weekend involv
ing the use and distribution of the
anonymous $2O million gift given to
the School of Business last Wednes
day. A press conference was held on
Saturday, March 28 in Erie Hall an
nouncing the new plans for the dona
tion involving three individuals in at
tendance including Provost and Dean
John Lilley and the Director of the
School of Business Dr. John
Magenau. The third person involved
was of course, myself, Oz, in atten
dance to cover the landmark,
Dr. Roger Knacke, Director of the School of Science, has reacted to the Business
School donation with his own fundraising drive. He announced that he will bring a
donation box to all of his classroom lectures. "I collected $3.47 last Monday!" he
annouced proudly.
Collision to change
name to a pork product
The Behrend College
B
by Molly Ringworm
stun writer
Traditions come and go. Change is
the only sure thing. Well at Penn State
Behrend this is surely coming true, at
least for the campus newspaper. The
paper, which has gone by the name,
the Behrend College Collision for
about thirty years now is going to he
referred to as the Behrend College
Bacon beginning next year.
Many of the members of the news
paper staff agreed that it was time for
a change. Anne Rajotte, the Manag
ing Editor for the paper said, "Rumors
are funny things and a name like the
Bacon really says to me. 'hey you
won't find any rumors here...just the
truth.—
Indeed the rest of the staff is happy
about the change. Nathan Mitchell,
the Collision layout editor, stated his
personal feelings, "I think it's great!
groundbreaking, climactic event
The first order of business was for
the three of us to hum the Penn State
fight song in unison and then in
rounds until one of us broke the chain.
We did this to get ourselves fired up
for the event. Apparently Dean Lilley
couldn't keep up and passed out at
half court after the fifteenth round
leaving a grinning Dr. Magenau to
make the historic presentation to the
empty gymnasium over a newly in
stalled public address system that was
purchased with a portion of the
money.
Among the newly proposed plans
is to utilize the natural resources
Bacon is my favorite food you know!"
Mitchell went on to say how proud
he is to be a part of the newspaper
staff at a time when such a monumen
tal change is taking place. He said,
"No one at Behrend will ever forget
the Collision staff for the 1997-'9B
"A name like the Bacon
really says to me, hey you
won't find any rumors
here...just the truth."
school year now! With our new name
change we're unstoppable!" Mitchell
is especially proud, being the one to
create the masthead for the future
The name the Bacon didn't come
around campus (namely the Winter
green Gorge) as a building block for
new business students coming to Be
hrend. According to Dr. Magenau,
"the Gorge will be filled in with con
crete and topped with asphalt to pro
vide parking only for students in the
School of Business." As a result, the
trees in the area will have to be torn
down and will be used in a new ice
cream at the Creamery in University
Park called "The Taste of Behrend."
With the new parking facilities, spe
cial passes will be issued to business
students indicating that they are to be
the only ones parking in the area.
Shuttle buses will provide transpor-
so easily for the staff; there was much
indecisiveness in the beginning.
Some people wanted the name the
Behrend College Universal Weekly
Times News, which was ruled out
mainly for space reasons. Rajotte,
who came up with the name, was per
sonally somewhat disappointed in its
being passed over for what she called,
"such a trivial reason."
Other names were the Behrend
College Flake, The Behrend College
Peeper, and the Behrend College
Menu of Choice. In the end, both
administration and the newspaper
staff decided that the name the Be
hrend College Bacon was the way to
go. "It relates most to our student body
and anyone who has any affiliation at
all with bacon or similar pork prod
ucts will want to read it," said Dr.
Robert Speel, Collision advisor.
Anne Rajotte
managing editor
Erie, PA 16563
Provbst and Dean John Utley passes out white showing his Penn State pride
tation to and from the lot and a new
division of Police and Safety will be
formed to insure the ultimate safety
of all business students.
When Dean Lilley finally awoke
from his slumber at center court, he
announced that "a large portion of the
donated money will he going to Oz
even though he is not in the business
curriculum." He then corrected him
self in his groggy state and said, "all
Campbell's Soup
awarded exclusive food
contract with Penn State
by Bambi Lee
Last Thursday, Penn State an
nounced its plans to establish a new
contract with Campbell's Soup. The
decision was made following the
success of the contract with Pepsi a
few years ago.
Penn State will receive $2l mil
lion over a period of five years from
Campbell's. Of the $2l million,
$20,999,900 will stay at University
Park to fund new uniforms and
equipment for the football team. The
remaining $lOO will he distributed
to the remaining 21 campuses.
Graham Spanicr, Penn State presi
dent, stated,
a great
for all of
Penn
State." When
asked why only
$lOO was to be
split among the
campuses, Spanier
k:cked
State campus?"
Though the football team will re
ceive most of the money, there will
be changes that all Penn State stu
dents will notice. For example, the
dining halls will only he allowed to
serve Campbell's Soup for all meals.
In addition, only Campbell's prod
ucts will be allowed in all vending
machines and dorm rooms. Students
found with food products not manu
factured by Campbell's will he re
ferred and the food will he immedi
ately be confiscated.
Ed Mulfinger, Manager of Hous-
.staff tvrtter
This is
Published initially by the students of Penn State Erie, The Behrend College
business students will have catered
room service by the Olive Garden 24
hours a day with free beer at all
times.-
At the end of the presentation I
clapped in recognition and the Be
hrend Lion even showed up for sup
port. And although the proposed plan
does not total $2O million, Dr.
Magenau insisted that "the remaining
money will be kept under (his) close
ing and Food Services, commented,
"This is a wonderful way for stu
dents to watch their diets. Nobody
will gain that freshman fifteen if
they only cat soup! Besides, think
of all of the money the football team
is going to get. They are going to
look great on the field with those
new uniforms!"
Support for the contract can he
found among staff members who al
ready believe that a monopoly is the
best way to go. Ron Hoffman, Man
ager of Network and Information
Systems at the Behrend computer
center, has applied this very concept
to his labs, though Behrend does not
receive any monetary compensation
for their Microsoft monopoly.
Hoffman enthusiastically stated, "I
find that it is best
students any choice. The new mo
nopoly of Campbell's Soup will free
students' minds of the burden of
making choices for their meals and
give them more time to learn how
to use the Windows NT system and
ONLY the Windows NT system.
Penn State has made a brave deci
sion with this contract and one that
I am happy to say only backs up my
long standing socialist beliefs."
Students have mixed reactions to
the contract with Campbell's.
Michael Zampetti, Student Govern
ment Association President, stated,
supervision
The reaction of Behrend students
in the School of Business has been
tremendous. Bill Do (06, manage
ment) says that "it's about time that
this university recognized business
students as the leaders of the future,
and gave us the superior treatment that
we deserve."
am outraged! This is a blatant vio
lation of students' rights. Though I
am too busy to make it to any Com
monwealth Campus Student Gov-
"The new monopoly of
Campbell's Soup will
free students' minds of
the burden of making
choices for their meals
and give them more time
to learn how to use the
Windows NT system."
Manager pl Netwot k and Information Systems
at the Behrend computer center
emment meetings, where one would
normally express their disapproval,
I will certainly send off an email to
someone or another letting them
know what I think."
Jim Smith, 10 engineering, stated,
"I just hope that they have a lot of
chicken soup." Shelly
O'Malley, 13 DUS, looked
confused and simply said,
"I don't really care. I
don't think that it
will really af
fect me."
ani i ir/‘
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"Please turn to the next page"
Ron Hoffman