4-4-444444-44-444444-4-4-44-44-
h1.0d %
4444-4444-44-4124-44-44444-4-444
Police Log
March 30: Police and Safety officers raided the Academic Building after reports of loud music, strobe lights and a
"marijuana odor." Officers discovered a secret meeting of the humanities and social science professors, who were
watching Cheech and Chong movies. The meeting had become a party when an anonymous non-student professor lit a
joint and began singing Kumbya My Lord...." Don't bring me down, pig," said one disgruntled English professor as she was
being cuffed.
March 31: Officers discovered a stolen yogurt machine by following pink dribble marks to the Office of Student Affairs. The
alleged thief's name was not released, he is known only as the "guy upstairs."
March 31: A student was arrested after discovered running naked through campus. According to officers, the student was
protesting Penn State's failure to earn number one ranking as party school.
March 31: Busy night. Police and Safety officers arrested Police and Safety officers for offering young women big beers
for their panties.
April 1: A tall white-haired man was arrested after running across campus naked except for a pair of muddy wing-tips. "It
just looked like fun," he said after his frisking. "How fun is a full body cavity check?" replied the officer on duty.
April 1: John Lilley, Provost and Dean, had his office raided today after a Budweiser truck pulled up to the Glenhili
Farmhouse and unloaded 45 kegs of Bud and Bud Light. "I called to report a skunky beer," said the Dean. "And all hell
broke loose." Officers also discovered an intoxicated Chris Rizzo, Assistant Dean of Students, attempting a keg stand
without using his hands.
April 2: A disgruntled commuter student held the Erie Hall lot hostage with a potato gun attempting to thwart resident
students from parking in the lot. Officers attempted to arrest the student but later joined in the protest pegging students
who don't park between the lines with Idaho's finest spuds.
April 3: Two female students were arrested leaving the restrooms in the Reed Union Building for "getting the seat wet."
April 3: An inebriated biology student was arrested after peeing in a beaker. Screaming, "SAVE THE GERMINSIIIII" She
was pulled from the classroom, following a storm of flying test tubes and petri dishes. "My eyes! My eyes!" was all that
could be heard throughout the Nick building.
April 4: Two Collision editors were reported missing. The two were last seen wandering State Street near Scully's
singing, "Show me the way to the next whiskey bar...."
The Behrend Colle
Entertainment Editor
Sheila Bikcel
Advertising Manager
Tom Keefe
Opinion Editor
mie/te
Prg 1-0 -. 0 I- 0-1 0110MIMM
News Editor
Sara Prosser
Assistant Entertainment
Editor
Tim Holsopple
atoll' liftman The Collision is the only issue of the year published entirely by the students of Penn State Erie, The Behrend College; First Floor, The J. Elmer Reed Union
Buildin , Station Road, Erie, PA 16563. The Collegian can be reached by calling 867-5301 or your local beer distributer. ISN 1071.9288
• The Collision encourages letters to the editor on news coverage, editorial content and University affairs, however the administration tends to frown on student opinions
being published. Letters written by brave souls not afraid of losing their diploma should be typewritten, double spaced and signed. Letters should be no longer than 400 words.
Letters should include*" semester standing and major of the writer. All letters should provide the address and phone number of the writer for verification of the letter. The Collision
reserves the right to edit letters tor
, - ;"1 and to reject letters. Letters submitted to The Collision become the property of the newspaper.
The Collision is published every Thursday immediately following April 1 on recycled toilet paper.
del
0. 060\ A
(N NtiOese %co Coe°
*6e° Y ' 19 0 •\c` \ ‘gz,s
• ,oe,o S&lz 0 \ *\\ 4\\. fik•k sc\* \os s9es
4, 01-zi •%0( e ° • • kSc) °
',NO V 2.44 i ( jk.;0000 ‘(); ( ,,,k t\e C" ecc4\s
20 % cgdo\eo NA as 9
(100 et‘s• Ve . \s slzz•
epot.`oe k- \* sepc\e\e, ~c\
`<\?)\. •
\e,dose . _ cep 2,0 09-
4\es • k‘°
Assistant Opinion Editor
John Amorose
Photography Editor (not pictured)
Colleen Gritzen
Assistant Photography Editor (not pictured)
Dave Boulos
Advisors (not pictured -
tin pictures don't reproduce well)
Ursula Davis
Rob Speel
Carley Gwin
\\ kle
'O OP
at 0 ezz. 6 1
0 sf?'\''? -c\os ~
I%"# 's ok
~,c‘e re\•:.l7l\\,9 .4
::sos p k‘co pg,21.0 ,
cscv*o9o6.
e Behrend
Editors in Chief
Danielle Murphy
Jennifer V. Colvin
Sports Editors
Brian Gregory and Matt Plizga
e Collision
ollege