Page 4- The Behrend College Collegian Thursday, February 6, 1997
Where is the culture at Behrend?
by Colleen Fromknecht
Collegian Staff
Behrend is pleasing to the eye.
The natural surroundings that have
been incorporated into the campus
provide a sense of calm and
serenity on an often hectic day at
school. Our classes stimulate our
minds (or at least they are
supposed to!) and provide us with
a variety of topics to think about.
Yet there is something lacking
at Behrend. It seems that the arts
have a low priority on this
campus. Students, faculty, and the
administration seem to be satisfied
with this sorry state of affairs, but
I'm not.
There is a series of theatrical
programs on campus, but the
productions are performed in a
drafty, ugly, barn-like building.
The seating is not only
uncomfortable, but cramped. The
acoustics are terrible, and the
sound system stinks.
The photography lab is tucked
away in the corner of the
Hammermill building. I know
that for a fact because I was
actually there once or twice. Yet
it also seems to be a slip-shod
affair. The available space is
cramped and seems to be operated
with a shortage of materials.
Did you know there is a drawing
class offered at Behrend? I've seen
it listed in the schedule of classes
by Danielle M. Murphy
Editor in Chief
The Chinese will usher in the
new year Feb. 7, celebrating the
Year of the Ox. I would like to
propose a similar tradition dubbing
1997 the "Year of the Donkey," or
as I like to call it--The Year of the
Ass. The Year of the Ass would
celebrate the unique qualities that
make men men. For Year of the
Ass parties, ex-boyfriends would
be invited to come as their favorite
donkey. Upon their arrival, they
would be greeted with cheers of
"The asses are here, let's nail those
tails! !"
Throughout the Year of the Ass,
events would be held celebrating
The Behrend College
Collegian
mooed w.,6** the agiento of Penn
Slap Erie, The Oehrend 0,04f1e
Editors In Chief
Jennifer V. Colvin
Danielle M. Murphy
Business manager
Carley Gwin
News Editors
Doreen Foutz
Sara Prosser
Sports Editors
Brian Gregory
Man Pliggt
Entertainment Editor
Sheila Bickel
Photography Editor
Colleen Gvitzen
Opirdon Editor
Colleen Fromkneoht
Advertising Minor
Torn Keefe
Office Manager
crystal. Watt
Minors
Or. Ursula Davis
Dr. Rab Speer
The Co*Pim
inddishedvereidx tq the slochetts of Penn
Ste*lns, Ibt:ardtleed Collet*: All
Floor, The 4 Elmer Reed Union Building,
Satan Road, Erie, PA 16503, The
Collegian can be reached by Calling
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Last Pidkr The Collegian
encourages *Mrs di the wider an news
etiollitlFt, editorial content add tllthfeleitr
/this. totters should be lypOWlitim,
double spaced and signed. Utters
should be no longer than 400 wont*.
Letters should include the semi* ,
standing end In** , of the enter. RH
Wore should provide the eddies and
phone number of the writer or veriksitiose
of stolidly. The Collegian *e serves> the
fight to edit *tiers tar length and to td)Et
ballet LAOS submitted 10 Th• COllOOllO
become the papal' at the newspaper.
The Collegian * published every
Thursday dialog the academic year on
which we use to register for each
semester. I've also seen students
occasionally walking around
campus with their portfolios.
Where is it held? Who teaches it?
I bet the only people who can
answer these questions are members
of the cabal who are involved with
the class.
We have some excellent teachers
who try their best to educate us in
their art classes. I have taken a
couple and can honestly say I have
never been bored in class. Yet
our hearts and our emotions.
there were people in my classes
who would rather have their
fingernails ripped out than have to
sit through an art class.
The only art we are exposed to
on campus is the art which is
found on the zillions of flyers
which are plastered up all over the
Year of the donkey
manly things. There would be
burping competitions, Beavis and
Butthead marathons, name writing
in the snow and the Festival of
Lighted Gas. There would also be
keg tossing contests and a Beat
Your Buddy Blowout because men
like to physically abuse one
another.
While the Year of the Ass may
sound harsh, I do not hate men. I
really love men, well most of
them. When my friends say all
men are dogs--I am the first to
jump in and put a stop to it. It's
cruel, what have they done to
deserve such an unfair
generalization? Dogs are loyal,
trustworthy and obedient--so unlike
the men I've met.
So what is there to love about
men? Well, they can be useful. A
man taught me how to drive a
standard, he had to sell the car
shortly afterward because the
transmission fell out (Coincidence?
I think so). Men are good for
pumping gas--they don't mind
getting dirty or smelling bad. In
the winter it's always nice to have a
man brush your car off--it would be
unmanly to complain that it's too
cold. Men are also good for
escaping from wary, creepy guys in
bars. On one unusually bad night,
I pointed out three different
boyfriends to escape groping
barflies at Sullivan's.
Men have other uses too. They
usually pay and they always say,
"No , honey, those stretchy hip
huggers with horizontal stripes (or
other unflattering outfit) do not
I THOUGHT
THE MEM
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NICELYAIRF.!
rille can stimulate our senses
and our minis,
also need to stimulate
place. And most of this art
probably is a violation of federal
copyright laws.
Some teachers have artistic
works displayed in their offices.
The only students who can view
them are the students who come to
the teachers' offices. I don't know
about you, but when I go to see a
teacher I am definitely not focused
on whether I can view the picture
or photograph on the wall. I've
been here three years now, and I
know my advisor has art on the
wall, but I couldn't describe it for
du t we
you if I was handed a bushel of
A's. (And it isn't because I never
go to see my advisor either.)
The point I am trying to make
is that we need to have some art
on campus. It sure would spice up
the Academic building! I realize
that there could be security
'roblems because some idiot
make your butt look like a wide
screen t.v." They can do this
without even looking.
Men also have entertainment
value--which I believe is their
most redeeming quality. Smoke a
cigar with a man. The look on
their faces the first time you light
up is priceless. It's a mixture of
disgust and affection laced with
awe. I've received marriage
proposals for lighting up a stogie.
It's also fun to watch men dance,
or at least try to, for some it's more
of a wiggle than a dance. Men can
also grow sideburns, which are
amusing and sort of cute.
Male bonding is by far the most
entertaining male thing. But I
could write an entire column on
that silliness.
I do have one major problem
with men--they lie. They lie about
everything-- their age, where they
were, what they did, and who they
did it with--I know this from
experience. A close friend of mine
was dating a doctor, he claimed to
be 30 but it was later discovered
that he was 37. This caused much
distress for my friend knowing that
while he was learning to drive--she
was still a fetus. She now lives by
the motto that if you heard it from
a man, it can't be true.
Another friend of mine dated a
man, I use that term loosely for
this individual, for several years.
While they had their problems
(mostly his fault), it was assumed
that they would get married and live
happily ever after. Well, this man--
we'll call him Dick--had other
plans.
would probably steal the art off the
walls, but why couldn't we paint
murals on the walls? Or perhaps
have a display case in the hall
which features students' works.
Art work would help to make
buildings such as Academic seem
less like a prison and more
"friendly."
I have heard a rumor that the
Humanities Department is
sponsoring an art show this
semester. It is supposed to be
opened to people attending
Behrend. This is a great
beginning. We need to support
this small step which tries to add a
little culture into our lives. (No,
culture is not a dirty word.)
But why aren't we thinking big?
I understand Gannon, Mercyhurst,
and Edinboro regularly hold shows
on their campuses. Penn State is
the largest and most prestigious
University system in
Pennsylvania. We should be
holding a humongous art exhibit
which is opened to the entire Erie
area. It should be divided into
professional and amateur status
opened to all age groups, from
elementary school kids to people
who make a living producing art.
At Behrend, we can stimulate our
senses and our minds, but we also
need to stimulate our hearts and
our emotions. All we have to do
is try to let some art be a part of
our lives.
Dick fell for an unemployed 30-
ish married woman. Her use of
cosmetics could keep Wet and Wild
Cosmetics in business. Dick began
dating this woman, but neglected to
end his other relationship. My
friend ended the relationship and
later learned of Dick's affair, one in
a series of infidelities. Dick now
lives with his concubine and her
child in a house that her husband
pays for. Dick also drives a pick
up with naked lady mud flaps and
plays in a garage band featuring
Skid Row covers. Dick is living
the all-American trailer trash dream.
Now, does this sound like a stunt
your dog would pull?
How can we stop the lies? Short
of spying and administering lie
detector tests, not much.
recommend asking for valid photo
identification upon meeting a man--
to avoid age fraud. Requesting
letters of recommendation from past
employers, friends and lovers is
also a step in the right direction,
but make sure they are notarized.
It is important to remember that
confrontation is not always the best
choice. "George, why did you say
you were 30?" My friend could ask.
"I know you're pushing 40."
George could then respond,
"Well, I was interrupted before I
could finish saying 30 uh....
we11,...7."
I believe that the piece of advice
when dealing with lying men
comes from the movie Singles,
"Stay single...have fun."
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America Online recently changed
it rates from an hourly rate to
unlimited time for a monthly fee,
about $2O. This charge has led to
an on-line crisis. I mean that
signing on to AOL is almost
impossible. I have been using
AOL for nearly two years and have
never had a busy signal until now.
Last week I spent three days
trying to get on-line and check my
e-mail. Thank God nobody ever e
mails me except my brother. If I
was doing business on-line and
depended on my e-mail to make
money I would have been in big
trouble.
I thought about switching
servers. About four months ago I
had another server, but the whole
experience was different. Whenever
I checked my mail I had twenty
advertisements from someone who
did a mass mailing. The server said
they kicked anyone off the server if
they did a mass mailing, but
obviously it didn't stop them from
doing it in the first place. They
contacted a couple thousand people
with an ad for a $lO monthly fee.
It was the cheapest advertising they
would ever get. Then the server
went to bankruptcy court. I just
love getting legal papers in the
mail.
What I'm saying is that AOL
takes the time to protect its users
from such abuse of the system.
They also provide a server that can
keep up with my modem, which is
another problem I was having.
But is it time to get out before
the ship sinks? I'm not rushing
out and looking for another server
quite yet. I plan to give them
another month before seriously
thinking about changing over,
although I blame the problem they
are having on their own stupidity.
AOL is a good server and with the
Winter is well upon us and has
vacillated between rain and snow for
a few weeks now. This makes for
just lovely driving. Actually, the
driving hasn't been all that bad. It
is the parking that has me irked.
I pay $95.00 a year to park in my
choice of around five parking lots.
Ninety-five dollars. That is a hefty
price to pay for parking. My
college friends, scattered widely
across these United States, have
parking fees of anywhere from
$5.00 (notice the decimal directly
after the five) to $30.00. My
friends, poor fools, think that for
$95.00 a year, I must park on gold.
Alas, I have had to tell them no. I
park on ice instead.
Ice makes for beautiful nature
scenes. You've all seen a beautiful
cascade of water, stopped in its
tracks as it was flowing over a rock
formation. It is truly breathtaking.
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On-line
crisis
by Chad Clouse
Collegian Staff
Winter
by Amy Lynn Zysk
Collegian Staff
ability to stay on forever, they
should have predicted that everyone
and their sister would be on-line. I
pay $2O for just local service on
my telephone. When my brother
was in Korea last year we e-mailed
each other instead of making costly
long distance phone calls. It's great l
medium for keeping in contact with
people you normally wouldn't call
because of the cost. It's like free
long distance, and if you don't want,
to talk to someone, but you want
to say hello you use e-mail.
The school has graciously
provided all students with e-mail
and access to the web. For now I
plan to use my e-mail at the school
more and suffer my way into the
computer lab although I find it a
very uninviting place.
If you really need to sign on to
AOL they have a 1-800 number.
They say it will work, but I tried it
last night and got a busy signal
there too. Some tips for signing
on include setting up a flash
session for the middle of the night
You can do this by looking under
MAIL in the header. It is easy to
do, but don't freak out if you wake
up to the busy signal humming
from your computer in . the
morning. The other option is to
sign on and do your work early in
the morning, which is what I'm
doing now. I e-mailed this story at
9:00 a.m.
I believe that AOL will come
back to being a great server with a
little time. Currently AOL is
being sued by a number of people,
but this has happened before and
was cleared up quickly and to the
benefit of all the users. I think
those suing the company are only
trying to make it live up to its
promises. I wouldn't go joining a
law suit, but I would like a
month's payment credited to my
account since I have been unable to
use the server like I normally
parking
Howe44 4 ,visiv the rock formations
we call parking lots, ice is mos
decidedly neither beautiful n.
breathtaking. It is treacherous
instead. Ice not only makes driving
more difficult (I love to see
fishtailing cars charge me from the
other end of the parking lot), it also
hinders walking.
Now, to be fair, when I arrive
here at 7:45 A.M., I do see the
snowplows working away at the
Engineering building's parking lot.
(I knew there was a conspiracy
against the Liberal Arts!).
However, when I leave at either at
2 P.M. or 4 P.M., gee, the ice has
magically returned. Wonder how
that happened?
Well, I must wrap this up and
head off to another gripe, the ever
popular will-I-make-it-from-
Academic Building-down- to- the
parking-lot-without-falling-on-my-
kiester.
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