91 ,Ot. Anat. tioatentat
ThG Liming Mary
This years theater production opens on May 6, 1995
and will run daily through the summer. Tickets are
free and the preformance will start when there is a
actual audience. The actors are doing this out of
their own good nature and because they have nothing
better to do with their summer vacation. Please
humor them and come to see their production.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE
SERIOUSLY, THIS IS THE WAY
TO PUT A CONDOM ON
BY THE WAY, PLEASE
THE PAPER WET
P. 44 AIDS: TRADING FEARS FOR FACTS
the right way to use a
condom
1. Place the rolled-up condom
on the end of the erect penis
Hold the tip of the condom
(about a half-inch) to squeeze
out the air This leaves room for
the semen to collect after
ejaculation
2. Keep holding the tip of the
condom with one hand With
the other hand, unroll the con
dom down the :enqtt - . of ;he
erect penis (Uncircumc:sed
men '_hould first pull t. - „-ic< ;he
fore4.-kin
3. Unroll the condom all the
way down to the puort hart
4. Put the condom . on before
entering your partner
5. You can use a water-based
;übricant (check the label or ask
a pharmacist) such as K-Y Lubri
cating Jelly or Today Personal
Lubricant. Otl-based lubricants
like mineral oil, baby oil, vege
table oil, petroleum jelly. cold
cream, or vaseline should not
be used. since they can clam
age the condom.
6. Right after ejaculation
la) hold onto the condom as
you (b) pull out while the
Denis is still erect
zlato_fq
Sutton
by Sverre Sears and
Herve LaPointe
Panther Defensemen
The Athlete of the Week is
Chad Sutton. Chad had an
outstanding year on the court.
Said Chad of his abilities, "It
wasn't that I played good, it was
that I looked good. That's all
that really counts."
Sutton was born in Moose
Jaw, Manitoba and went to Deer
Bladder High School. Chad
averaged 45.9 points per game
for the Infections. Said Sutton,
"I was the man. I couldn't be
stopped. Of course a bunch of
penguins didn't play man-to
man that well."
Sutton most memorable game
was against the Spooners of
Grand Forks High (N. Dakota).
"I only sawed seven points, but
somehow managed five technical
fouls," said Sutton in an upbeat
Screwy
by Phil McCraken
The Yard Dog
Nine players on a softball field.
People must be insane in order to
play softball in Erie,
Pennsylvania. But they love the
sport, even in the snow.
Let's talk about a team of
nicknames; from 'The Big Dog,'
'Fish,' Hoona,"Cheeks,' and of
course, The Young Guns (who
are now juniors, and no longer
young, but don't tell them that.)
Shucks, there's even an Angel
in the INfield,. clueless
complainers at first base, and a
true freshman behind the plate.
This is among the list of
female athletes at Penn State-
Be!wend, you know,, where the
men are men and the women are
champions?
And of course, if you didn't
have to change anything about a
winning team, you wouldn't.
But, as Peter Brady says, "when's
it's time to change you've got to
rearrange.." But Christopher
Knight (Peter, in The Brady
Bunch) isn't the one doing the
changing; our Dean is.
So, in protest, Lady Lion
catcher Emmy Arnett (one of the
Young Guns) is planning on
taking her pick-up truck and
turfing the softball field with an
opposing team on it. I would
hate to be the field crew the next
morning. Hey Varrassa, grab the
plunger.
Becky Reed, a second of three
YOU TOO PIECE
Stop by Nick 69 and help yourself to a
piece of asbestos floor tile.
Hurry, they're going fast!
scores
In his free time, Chad likes to
walk his chitzu on Presque Isle.
"It's tough when It, the name of
the dog, does it, I have to clean
it up. The pooper scooper is
really heavy, but it helps with
my jumper."
Chad favorite foods are
strawberry shortcake, donuts,
and filet mignon. "I feel the war
in Somalia was unjust," said
Chad of something that wasn't
even discussed.
Since coming to Behrend, Chad
has become homesick. "The
games aren't the same as back
home. They actually play
defense." His scoring is down
46.1 ppg at Behrend compared to
Moose Jaw.
Concluded Sutton, "Let's rock
down to electric avenue and then
I'll take it higher." What did
Chad mean, I have no idea!
Softball
Young Guns, is suspected to be a
part of Arnett's scam. But it has
been reported that Reed doesn't
want to take part due to the fact
that no games may be played on
Behrend turf for a while.
No more games? Then no
more outfield obsentities when
balls go straight over their heads,
no more slackers at third base,
and no more blondies on the
pitching mound. Ooooh boy.
But I think the most important
thing these kids want at the end
of their softball season is their
coaching staff. They know who
they are. They know their
players have nothing but respect
for these guys who call
themselves "World Leader
Pretend" and "The Reverend."
And that's no joke.
Give me dedicated coaches for
$BOO please, Alex.
So when you see a softball
player in one of your classes, in
the mall room, in the Gorge or
computer lab, give 'em a hug!
Except, of course, if you're name
is John.
When the task has yet begun,
never leave it 'till it's done. Be
the labor great or small, do it
well or not at all.
I heard that somewhere, but I
can't remember where. Pretty
catchy, eh?
1...2...3...team...Repeat after
me, 1...2...3...team...14 players
and 2 coaches, to be exact.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
C %wet