b %%la
Jose and Boutros Food Critics
• • • • • • • • •
Casa
Coney,r.
by Jose' Mottillo (Pronounced
Moe-t- ho) and R.C. Campbell
(Pronounced Boutros-Boutros)
Collison Food Coniset • ,
One of the finest dining
establishments in the greater
metropolis of Wesleyville is
Coney Island. Coney is noted for
its fabulous dining room, fine
entertainment (jukebox and video
game), and lastly, its stupendous
menu.
After partying until well into
the morning, R.C. and I travelled
to that place that some old lady
that sits on the corner calls her
home. After fighting through a
pack of dwellers of Wesleyville,
we made it inside. The faded
grease stained walls illuminates
the establishment from the bare
neon lights that hang on the
same ceiling of the fly strips.
A lone picture against the faded
antique walls, "The U.S. Brig
Niagra" marks the history of this
diner that has entertained students
at Behrend for years. The dinner
conversation went as follows:
R.C.- Someone clean the damn
table?
J.M.- I think I'm going to be
sick!
R.C.- What the hell was in
that keg?
J.M.- What keg?
R.C.- (whispering) Oh yeah.
(Maitre' d arrives)
Coneyite- Monsieurs, bon
jour. May I take your orders and
show you the water list?
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
Q
Fi
0
Z
co)
•—i
ANOTHER WORLD:
Rachel told Carl that "after
tonight" Robert Shapiro will be
powerless. Jake and Pauline
disarmed Marcia Clark and turned
her over to the police. Wait
to see: OJ gets to dance in
court.
BOLD AND THE
BEAUTIFUL: Johnny
Cochran and F. Lee Bailey
struggle to see who is correct in
the contest for what color
•
underwear Judge Ito wears, and if
5 Marcia Clark wears leather dog,
g . collars or not. Wait to see:
Phob by The Office of Development and University Relations. F. Lee Bailey bends over for $5O.
Matchbox Players presents the "Imaginary Cuckold," a classic DAYS OF OUR LIVES:.
00-I Due to the ongoing saga of the
on Moliere farce, performed in the Penn State-Behrend Studio Theater. O.J. Sims on hearin the.
4t The play officially opens Friday, March 31 at 8:00 p.m. Additional producers of 'Days' have fleckled
Cperformances are scheduled for Saturday, April 1; Thursday, April 6; no that instead of having the devil All other Soap Operas have
z Friday, April 7; Saturday, April Bat 8:00 p.m. Two matinees are possess Marlene, they are having been cancelled due to the vowing
scheduled for Sunday, April 2 and Sunday, April aat 2:30 p.m. There 0 Kato Kailin possess her. Walt cOncern, by the F(C, in having
white s tallion,
Marlena says it w,tis . . j s quality shows. The FCC
0 - 4 will be a free student performance on Thursday, March 30 at 8:00 p.m.
C 4 For ticket information or to make reservations call the Studio Theater at sta not . a w h ite mandates that no quality w
onco.
will be shown on national
898-6279. Shown in the photo are Kim Mcilwain, Matt Milroth and David Midi.
E.» ti GENERAL HOSPITAL: tekvision for the fear that it will
•• vi Mark Marmon comes back . froei compete • with Court TV's
THIS IS NOT A JOKE. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. RI the dead. Rick Springfield rocks nit
*************************.************************i
R.C.- No thanks, I would like
two greek cheeseburgers, a greek
fry with cheese, and water
.M.- Same for me, Where the
heti is the bathroom?
The bathroom is a chipped
baby blue door with a toilet that
Admiral Perry might have hurled
in. The puke might still be
there.)
Man sitting behind the two
with a red neck and long greasy
hair, a thin inbred sits next to
him chewing on the napkin
dispenser- Why don't you two
watch your mouthes, Let's go
outside!
R.C.- I'll kick your #$S
myself (burp!) I've been to this
restaurant before.
J.M.- (pointing with his index
finger and his pinky) Man...
don't make me get violent. I
know seven forms of hitting in
the face with my fries.
WHAM!!!
Fifteen minutes later and
minus the entire Wesleyville
police force:
R.C- Joe, how many cops do
you think there were? Six. two,
maybe one.
J.M.- I, ulthhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(through a busted lip), could have
taken the cops. They're lucky my
food arrived
Getting back to the
food. Russ and I both recommend
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
>'~~-'.
• • • • •
Jose' PAMIIIo and R.C. Campbell wield there knives (and a gun (bad, bad, Boutros) ) and
the tastes to the Wesleyville four star restaurant - The Coney Island. Read the review to your left
and find out how they found the main entrees.
the greek cheese burger (with
everything on it), greek fry (same
way) and the gum in the machine
outside. Afterwards we can
guartee a bowel movement that
will border on mystical and
beware it might last for a few
days especially depending on how
much beer you drink. After
paying for this meal(which came
to under a case of Beast), plus
getting first aid, Russ and I
headed back to the respective
ranches to pass out.
CONEY TRIVIA:
How long have the pie slices
been sitting in their display?
How often is the grill cleaned?
Did George Washington once
camp there?
Is it true that you should be
intoxicated to eat at Coney?
THIS IS NOT A JOKE. g
z
0
Yo, dudes, this is only a joke. If
you think this is real, then you need to
have your head examined. If you think
this is real, you have been eating to
much of Dobbin's food. If you think
this is real, yok have bee in the
Biology labs to long. Lighten up, get
with the grove and enjoy you April
Fool's Day. The staff membenof The
Collegian.
ait. 4 , 4 4. it 4444
O.J. U
?Ala At sb-ualh ApilartuAT
date
with John Stamm, and Jack
Wagner gets pregnant. All while
Tristan Rogers falls madly in
love with a kangaroo. Walt to
see: Nothing, due to the
explicit material shown last
week, General Hospital has
wound up in its morgue.
OLD AND THE
LISTLESS: (ALSO KNOWN
AS THE MAJOR LEAGUE
BASEBALL SEASON) Due to
the baseball strike, the players
have been replaced by players
twice their age. This has hence
become an appropriate' soap
opera, or comedy opera for the
real baseball players. Wait to
see: The fans fall asleep in the
half empty baseball stadiums.