t. swei
Hate Mail to the Editors
Missing tiles
I am a sixth semester Bio student and have I got
a story for you.
Last semester, a student doing research isolated
the enzyme responsible for life. Then,
accidentally, the enzyme was dropped and spilled
on the floor in Nick 69. Ever since then, the tiles
on the floor have been missing. Everyday, more
and more holes appear on the floor - holes where
tiles used to be!
COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!!!
Many of us in Genetics lab have seen these tiles
leaving Nick late at night while we were checking
our flies. The tiles said they were leaving because
they were tired of getting stepped on. When we
told our teachers they didn't believe us, they said
we were loopy from breathing in too much ether
and the fed up tiles were hallucinations.
But I don't care what people say, those tiles are
getting up and leaving. If you don't believe me,
stop down in the Bio lab in Nick 69 and see for
yourself!!
Sincerely,
An ether sniffing, cell counting, Biology major
THIS IS A
JOKE!
PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS
PAPER IS A JOKE (HEY, IT ISN'T
ALWAYS A JOKE!) AS IS
EVERYTHING INCLUDED IN IT.
3 4\%. 0
Top ten beers
Since my arrival at Behrend two years
ago, I have sampled many of the beers that
are available out there.
Here are a few of my favorites:
10. Red Wolf - it's the wolf that's red,
not the beer.
9. Yuengling - the taste of Pottsville,
this lager is is the taste of Bud at a cheaper
price.
8. Killian's Red - A thick lager beer,
this expensive taste offers an exquisite
buzz.
7. Old English - a @#&s*%#
awesome beer!
Drinking according to Peter Gzinya
Top ten mixed drinks
Personally, beer is not the best thing on
campus. If you're looking for fun (that is,
something to do besides hanging out at
Bruno's), mixed drinks are something that
you can not only experience with but can
give you one #s@& of a hang over. In
addition, mixed drinks give you more
buzzes for your money.
Here are a few that you can try instead of
the beers listed above:
10. Zima - though this isn't a mixed
drink, this alcoholic Sprite can be mixed
with practically anything.
9. Whiskey Sour - a favorite of men,
this drink is just as sour as it's name and
offers a great drink for depressed.
8. Kamikaze - an equal mix of vodka,
triple sec and lemon juice, this personal
favorite of mine is an excellent taste and
quick buzz.
7. Rum & Coke - basically self
explanatory but the drink offers an easy
taste for light or first time drinker.
2.42Q.1 t Ot. *mit aribrussin
6. Schlitz Lite Ice - expect a huge
headache the morning after the kegstand
with this ale.
5. Coor's Light - a favorite among
women drinkers, the Silver Bullet offers a
great lite beer in the silver can.
4. Beast - actually, it's called
Milwaukee's Best. This beer is popular
because of it's low cost at the 'butor
(distributor).
3. Rolling Rock - the taste of Latrobe
in the popular green bottle, this good beer
is a favorite for many on campus.
2. Budweiser - not only does this
classic beer have the best commercial on
TV now, but Bud offers a great taste.
1. Labatts - a smooth yet refreshing
beer in an attractive bottle, Labatts has the
best taste of all the beers.
6. Grain Punch - grain & any type of
fruit punch. Just don't smoke while
drinking (the label say extremely
flammable).
5. Lemon Daggers - lemonade and
vodka leaves the drinker buzzed after only a
few. I recommend mixing the drinking
with a game 'to make the fiin last longer.
4. Long Island Ice Tea - all I need to
say is rum and a lot some other junk. Buy
it mixed.
3. Southern Blues - what an excellent
drink! Without the twinge of heat in your
throat, the mix of So Co and blueberry
schnapps goes down smooth and nice. But
beware, the morning after hurts.
2. Sex on the Beach - the sister to the
screwdriver, sex on the beach offers the
great taste of gin mixed with chilled orange
juice.
1. Screwdriver - a classic at the bars
and at home. To sit down with a mix of
vodka and orange juice is a favorite of
many.