Thursday, November 10,1994
Defi
by John Rostomando
CoßtgimStiff
What is conservatism? Who
ms these people, this evil
diabolical menace to our
hedonistic, self-fearing culture?
What feisty stand fix?
Conservatism is the belief that
daae am certain time honored
beliefs and practices that are
necessaty for the maintenance of
an orderly society.
Conservatives tend to be
skeptical of the ability of human
society to improve itself
culturally by giving each
member of the society the
ability to decide her/his own
morality.
Conmrwdtoa fa the rational
and logical preservation of atl
Idiii mat can he observed to
ham a positive or negative value
to this belief is the
notion that there exists an
anderiyiag divinely instituted
natural law that all tilings are
bound to including humanity.
Therefore, arguments feat are
rooted in irrational subjectivity
are considered invalid by
conservatives because they are in
essence a distortion of truth or
reality.
Modem <sifoefvatiffo*cart he
dimply traced to the reactionof
Dave's a poet,
by Dave Barry
Sjmtkatott Cotmmut
Recently I got a very nice
computer generated letter from
an outfit call The National
Library of Poetry.
"Dear Dave,” the letter
begins. "Over the past year or
so we have been reviewing the
thousands of poems submitted
to us, as well as examining the
poetic accomplishments of
people whose poetry has been
featured in various anthologies
released by other poetry
publishers. After an exhaustive
examination of this poetic
artistry. The National Library of
Poetry has decided to publish a
collection rtf new poems written
the THE BEST POETS we have
encountered.
"I am pleased to tell you,
Dave, that you have been
selected to appear in this special
edition: Best Poems of 1995 ...
The poem which you will
submit for this edition has been
accepted for publication sight
unseen on the basis of your
previous poetic
accomplishments."
You talk about feeling
honored. It's not every day that
a person who does not,
technically, write poetry is
selected as one of die lop poets
for a year that has not,
technically, occurred yet
ng conservatism
Edmound Burke to fee radicalism
of the French Revolution.
Burke was one of the first
people to propose die idea tint
government shopM he restrained
to its “sphere of influence,” ix.
defense, infrastructure, internal
security.
Urn government must he
wnwtniiiiff) front acting fa every
sequent erf society in order to
prevent the establishment erf
political, economic and social
tyranny. Conservatives believe
tint individuals am better suited
to deal with their own situations
than the government.
The Marxist-Socialist nation
tint everyone mast be equal and
the government must intervene
to prevent inequality between
rich and poor is rejected outright
tty conservatives.
Redistribution of wealth only
miserable.
Conservatism is about
individuals setting out and
taking charge of their own lives
and not depending upon the
government to provide their
dignity. Individuals must con
trol their own destinies because
if they do not the result is die
loss of freedom.
Economic freedom is the
central and most important
Oh, I know what some of you
are thinking. You’re thinking,
"Dave, you wienerhead, they
don't really think you're a
leading poet. They got your
name from some mailing list,
and they'll publish any drivel
you send in, because what they
REALLY want to do is throw a
book together and then sell it to
a bunch of pathetic loser
wannabe 'poets' for some
absurdly inflated price like $50."
Well that just shows how
much YOU know. Because it
turns out that Best Poems of
1995 is now available at a
special pre-published discount
price of just $49.95. But listen
to what you get: You get "a
superb collection of over 3,000
poems on every topic," as well
as "an heirloom quality
publication" with "imported
French maritieized covers."
I called the number listed on
The National Library of Poetry
letterhead; a pleasant-sounding
woman answered, and I asked
her which specific poetic
accomplishments of mine the
judges had reviewed before
selecting me as one of the Best
Poets.
"Um," she said, "we don't
have that available right now.
All that information is closed in
a backup file system."
I frankly have had very poetic
freedom because without
economic freedom we are
powerless to control our own
destinies. Capitalism is the
means for individuals to raise
foeir standard of living. Liberals
think tint it you redistribute
money to the poor they will be
able to improve their lifestyle.
When was the last time someone
mi public assistance improved
thdur way of life?
Capitalism offers individuals
the opportunity to raise their
standard of living. Socialism
exploits everyone and exalts
mediocrity and everyone is
miserable.
To the conservative, principles
are more iiqgipffeiit than how
people fed; or even how they
accomplishments. 1 once
thought about writing poems
for a line of thoughtful greeting
cards but I finished only one,
which went:
"Thinking of you
"At this special time
"And hoping your organ
"Removal went fine."
Of course I have to produce an
entirely new poem for Best
Poems of 1995. I asked die
woman at The National Library
of Poetry if there were any
special literary criteria involved;
die said the only one was that
the poem had to be, quote, "20
themselves feel. Principles such
as loyalty, honesty, integrity,
reverence and personal honor are
more important than what is
popular to the media or what is
the latest fed.
Most conservatives are people
of integrity because they will
not compromise their principles
over a popular whim.
To be a conservative is to be a
realist because unless a situation
is dealt with in a workable
pragmatic way there cannot be a
solution.
Many liberals like our beloved
President Clinton have this
fuzzy-wuzzy idealistic nation of
what ought to be; not what is.
To lode at a situation through
your irrational emotions is like
“You can’t
tell me what I
can or
cannot do”
looking at the world through a
tense; it distorts your view of
the world. The only way to
view foe world socially and
politically is through what is
dictated by what is logical and
lines or less."
I was happy to hear that. If
there's one thing I hate, it's a
long poem. And if there's
another thing I hate, it's a poem
wherein the poet refuses to tell
you what the hell he's talking
about For example, when I
was an English major in
college, we spent weeks trying
to get a handle on an extremely
dense poem called "The Waste
Land" by T.S. Eliot, only to
conclude, after endless droning
hours of classroom discussion,
that the poem was expressing
angst about the modem era. I
felt like cdling Eliot up and
saying, "Listen, T.S., the next
time you want to express angst,
just EXPRESS it OK? Just
say "Yo! I'm feeling some angst
over here!’"
I believe that if some of your
former big-name poets such as
Homer and Milton (neither of
whom, to my knowledge, was
invited to be in Best Poems of
1995) had observed The
National Library of Poetry's 20-
line limit their careers would be
in a lot better shape today.
Anyway, I wrote a poem for
Best Poems of 1995. I call it
simply, "Love." Here it is:
"O love is a feeling that
makes a person strive
"To crank out one of the Best
Poems of 1995;
rational because only then can
you see what redly is out there
and not what you think is out
there.
For a liberal to say, “You
can’t tell me what I can or
cannot do,” is nothing but a lot
of self-centered BS fa the eyes of
a conservative mind set We are
all part of one another and
whatever we do either directly or
indirectly affects everyone around
us.
No person has the right to do
something just because they
want to do something because
what we do will affect others. If
we lower our standards all of os
will suffer. We are only as
strong as out weakest link.
Conservatism is about
excellence and high ethical mid
moral standards unlike liberalism
which tends to lower standards
mid accept mediocrity.
This is unacceptable. By no
means can we expect a more
civil society without high
moral, ethical and sexual
standard.
Ethics are foe care of any
society and without them there
can only be one result: foe
collapse of a society. This is
why I can never be a feel-good
liberal. There is no prize for
second best You must be the
best.
too!
"Love is what made Lassie
the farm dog run back to the
farmhouse to alert little
Timmy's farm family whenever
little Timmy fell into a
dangerous form pit;
"Love is a feeling that will
not go away, like a fungus in
your armpit;
"So the bottom line is that
there will always be lovers
"Wishing to express their
love in an heirloom quality
book with imported French
marUeized covers;
"Which, at $49.95 a pop
multiplied by 3,000 poets
"Works out to gross literary
revenues of roughly $150,000,
so it's
"A good bet that whoever
thought up the idea of
publishing this book
"Doesn't care whether this last
line rhymes."
I sent this poem in to the
folks at The National Library of
Poetry. If you think that you,
too, have what it takes to be
one of the Best Poets of 1995,
you might want to send them a
poem of your own; their address
in Box 704, Owings Mills, Md.
21117. Tell them Dave sent
you.
And T.S., if you send
something in, for God's sake
keep it simple.
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