Thursday, November 3,1994
The Behrend College
Collegian
Published weekly by the students
of
The Pennsylvania State University
at Erie, The Behrend CoHege
Co-Editors
Matthew D. Cissne
Alicia Hartman
Business &
Advertising Manager
Iris Spinier
News Editor
Laura Borawski
Entertainment Editor
Danette Patrctt
Sprats Editors
Tim Malian
JoeMottiUo
Photo Coordinators
Holly Beary
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Copy Editor
Alida Hartman
Office Manager
& Typist
Lori Anna Dyer
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Justin Tinker
Cornier
Jay Rozelk
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by Dave Barry
Syndicated Columnist
There is a simple explanation
for why I wound up dangling
from a rope 75 feet in the air
over a beaver dam somewhere in
Idaho: I was a house guest
You know how it is, when
you're a house guest: If your
host suggests an activity, you,
as a polite person, tend to say
sure.
My host is this case was my
good friend Ridley Pearson, who
makes his living writing thriller
novels, which means he spends
his days thinking up sentences
like: "Roger awoke in a dark
room and sensed immediately
that his body had been
surgically removed from his
head."
What I'm saying is that
Ridley has some spooky closets
in the mansion of his mind.
This is why I should have been
suspicious when, the night I
arrived at his house, he casually
said, "I thought that tomorrow
we could play hide and seek."
But I was a house guest, so all I
said was "sure."
The next morning we had
breakfast with Ridley's brother.
Brad, and a friend named Amos
Galpin, and then the four of us
set off in Ridley's car to find a
Collegia* SU& Adam Bebko, Jerry
Bruno, R. Carl Campbell, Maria
Cemadaa, Jane Csir, Megan Dearth,
Brian Esper, Tracy Gordon, Brian
Gregory, John Hafner, Erich*
Hagenbuch, Dia Harris, Erica Jones,
Portia Kelly, Sarah Melchlorre, Erik
Morrell, Loretta Olson, Jill Pouch, Grog
Pierce, Colette Rethage, John
Rossommdo, Betsy Sauer, Brian Stadhr,
Julie Stocker, NkkZulovich.
Photographers: Tannine Antonetti,
Sheila Shekel, Mandy Eldar, Keith Fish,
Paul Gtuseok, Mack Johnson, Dan
Nowidd, Zlobin Patrswala, Stephanie
hqm.
Letter PoHcy: The Collegian encourages
letters an news coverage, editorial content
and University affairs. Letters should tie
typewritten, double-ipaoed sad signed by
no more than two persons. Letters should
be no longer than 400 words. Letters
should include the semester standing and
major
provide
the wilt
Tkt v
Letters
Collegi
during
raw -
m
Erie,
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- k
m
*'l
tree to climb. This enabled me
to see some of Idaho (official
motto: “nobody knows where it
is"). It's a nice state, containing
a tremendous quantity of scenery
as well as several roads and at
least one city named
"Ketchum.” The state license
plate says "IDAHO" on the top,
and on the bottom it says - I
am not making this up --
"FAMOUS POTATOES."
Apparently this was judged to
be the most alluring possible
license plate slogan, narrowly
edging out "IDAHO A
WHOLE LOT OF ROCKS" and
"IDAHO - YOU'LL SMELL
THE COWS."
Most of Idaho is outdoors, the
result being that local residents
are able to enjoy year-round
interaction with the natural
environment, which gradually
drives them insane. At least
that's apparently what happened
to Ridley, Brad and Amos,
because they have turned tree
climbing into a serious, full
fledged sport, with special
equipment and everything.
They do not climb just any
tree. We drove past several
million normal, sturdy, vertical
trees before stopping at what
had to be the most unsafe
looking tree in North America.
I could not believe that the tree
In memory
"And I, languorous in
my room,
Dispel my melancholy.
And in the utter
stillness, I
Await the whispers of
your hymn."
She has seen both
sides of the road and
lived on both sides of
the fences. She could
tafc about anything."
•Kelley Clements
Bth semester
English Literature
"Her sister, at the
funeral, called her a
'jewel in the night.'
-Sarah Woodin
9th semester
EnaKshUterature/
Women Studies
"We bow,
Honoring the Light."
Jula Rebman
The Yogi"
authorities even permitted this
tree to exist. It was next to a
beaver pond, and it was leaning
WAY over at the stark angle,
looking as though it would
crash to the ground if a beetle
climbed up it, let alone four
middle-aged guys who had
recently consumed large
omelets.
"Is this tree safe?" I asked the
guys.
"Ha ha!" they reassured me.
They then helped me put on the
special tree-climbing equipment,
which they call a "harness,"
although what it looks like is
an enormous green athletic
supporter. It has a pair of 10-
foot safety straps attached to it;
Julia Rebman
The Visit”
Julia Rebman
The Lady of Indigo and Emerald
Bom August 31, 1953
Died October 26,1994
Last week many of us were shocked
and deeply saddened by the unexpected death
of a good friend and fellow student,
Julia Rebman.
As I was fortwna?**- enough to have known Julia,
I can say that the memory of her very caring
and delightful personality
will be with us for a lifetime.
May your beautiful spirit forever rest in peace,
my friend,
I will miss you very much.
the idea is that you clip these to
the branches as you climb, so
that if you fall, instead of
smashing into the ground and
getting killed, you fall only
until your safety strap becomes
taut, at which point you turn
into a human pendulum and
slam into the side of die tree and
get killed.
At least that's what I was
thinking as I inched higher and
higher up the Death Tree. The
other guys seemed oblivious to
the danger.
"Look at that view!" they'd
remark.
"Huh!" Td reply, admiring the
scenic vista of the two square
inches of bark directly in from
of my face. I hate heights. I
was clinging to this tree so
passionately that I might very
well have committed an act of
photosynthesis with it. And it
did not help my mood any to
know that the area was infested
with beavers. At any moment I
expected to hear a tail slapping
on the water, which is the
beaver signal for "COME
QUICKLY! DORKS IN
GIANT JOCKSTRAPS HAVE
CLIMED AN EASY-TO
GNAW-DOWN TREE!"
But beavers did not gnaw
down our tree. What happened
was much worse: When we got
In Memory
Respectfully submitted,
Maria Siegel
trees
"One could almost
hear the flowers in their
boxes singing
evening's song as they
retired in the twilight.
We sat there, quietly
absorbing the
experience, each lost in
their own thoughts. A
humming sound gf
contentment rippled
through us.
Sometimes audible, it
was a gentle call from
spirit to spirit. All of us
knew that the moment
was something more.”
Julia Rebman
Her degree meant a
lot to her. The
university granted her
the full degree:
bachelor of arts in
creative writing.
Everyone was crying
when Dr. George
announced she had
received her degree,
everyone applauded.
She gave off a lot of
positive energy. She
was very reassuring and
supportive. If you took
time to be with her she
gave more than enough
time to be with you.
She would always give a
lot."
-Sharain
Sasheir
sth semester
English Literature
near the top of the tree, Ridley
informed me that we’re going to
get down by "rappelling," a
technique that was invented by
mountain climbers who had
spent a lot of time at high
altitudes with no oxygen getting
to their brains.
The way rappelling works is,
you close your eyes, jump out
of the tree and slide down on a
slim, unsafe-looking rope,
which is attached to your
harness via a metal fitting that
enables you to slide WAY faster
than would be possible under
the influence of gravity alone,
so that you reach speeds
estimated at 450 miles per hour
as you hurtle toward the ground,
crashing through branches while
your fellow climbers shout
helpful instructions that you
cannot hear because you're
devoting all of your mental
energy to sphincter control. At
least that's how I handled it.
All in all, it was an extremely
memorable experience that I
will devote the rest of my life to
trying to forget. I'm looking
forward to the day when Ridley
is my house guest, so that I can
plan an equally fun activity for
him. I'm thinking maybe we
could play tag.
With chain saws.
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