Thursday, February 17, 1994
Leagalizing Marijuana
by Laura Borawaki
Collegian Staff
When I told one of our
ibrarians the topic of this week's
•
• inion column, and that I had
'posed to support the "pro"
ide of the issue at hand, I
"ved a look of surprise along
with a smirk that purveyed that
"Oh, really?!" remark. We then
chuckled together at her response,
as she had no intention of
shunning me away. The librarian
then offered a few words of
wisdom- words to live by: "You
have to look at things with an
open mind." And I could not
agree more.
I am not a "druggie," nor do I
condone the abuse of any
substance; or anything else for
that matter. This includes
substances like alcohol,
marijuana, cocaine, nicotine, etc.,
legal or not. I would like each of
you to read this column with an
open mind, and to remember that
I am, as are each of you, entitled
to an opinion.
Marijuana has been proven
effective by various medical
doctors, scientists, and molecular
biologists in terms of remedial
care for symptoms. Despite
efforts to endorse the legal use of
the drug for medical purposes, it
Second
by Dave Barry
Syndicated Columnist
Recently, my wife and I
decided to put some "zing" back
into our marriage by going to a
"couples only" resort. This is a
popular new type of resort that
does not allow you to bring your
children, the theory being that it
is difficult for you and your
spousal unit to get into a
romantic mood if one of you has
to pause every 45 seconds to
shout, "JASON! I TOLD YOU
NOT TO SQUIRT SUN
BLOCK INTO ASHLEY'S
EAR!"
The resort we went to is in St.
Lucia, a small and lovely island
nation 'way out in the
Caribbean, not far from Grenada,
which is the island that Ronald
Reagan rescued from the
Communist Menace. I am
frankly amazed that the
Communist Menace was a
problem in that area, because to
get there you have to spend all
day scrunched up in various
airplanes. I would have thought
that by the time the Communist
Menace finally arrived and
located its luggage, all it would
have wanted to do was lie down
and enjoy a refreshing popular
local beverage consisting of rum
mixed with rum.
That's certainly what we
wanted to do when we got to St.
has yet to pass by the hand of the
law. Research has proven these
efforts to be fruitful and
progressive; however, no one
wants to take the next step.
According to the March 28, 1992
issue of Economist magazine,
marijuana is effective in relieving
the nausea of chemotherapy, in
the treatment of glaucoma, and in
the fight to sustain the lives of
AIDS patients. Thirty-five states
in our nation have endorsed
medicinal marijuana. Esquire's
July 1992 issue states that the
Drug Enforcement Adminis
tration's own judge concludes
that marijuana "is one of the
safest therapeutically active
substances known to man." It
also stated that a nationwide pole
revealed that fifty percent of
cancer specialists would in fact
prescribe marijuana if it were
legal. Forty percent admitted that
they had already recommended it!
Question: Why would pavans of
the medical profession, of such
intellect, tamper with the
illegalities of some drug unless
they believed in the positive
attributes it had to offer those in
neal?
Human bdngs have a tendency
to want what they can't have. I
am willing to bet that I don't
stand alone in this theory as
Lucia, but we had to spend the
first hour and a half riding in a
small, couple-filled van from
one end of the island to the other
on the main road, which
apparently also doubles as a strip
mine. Technically, you're
supposed to drive on the left
hand side in St. Lucia, but the
drivers swerve all over the place
to avoid the holes, which means
that sometimes both your
vehicle and an oncoming vehicle
are in the same lane. The only
strict driving rule in St. Lucia is
"No hurtling off a cliff into the
Caribbean without a good
reason."
At one point -- I am not
making this up -- our van was
driving down the middle of the
mad, and oncoming traffic was
passing us ON BOTH SIDES.
This occurred when we were
making our way through a traffic
jam caused by the largest banana
spill I have ever seen. (Bananas
are the No. 1 industry on St.
Lucia, followed by tourism and
goats.) This was on a sleep hill,
where a massive load of bananas
had slid off a truck, thus forming
a tremendous natural defense in
case the Communist Menace
ever CMOS back to the area with
tanks. ("Drive down that hill,
comrade!" "OK! Here we
goooooNooooo ...")
Eventually we got to our
OLRINIOLIA
many of you have witnessed this
tendency in everyday life.
Children fuss endlessly over what
they can't get their hands on,
guys and girls go crazy when
they are faced with the challenge
of winning over another's heart.
In theory, then, if marijuana were
made legal, it is possible that the
desire for it, the fight for it, the
kill for it, would be decreased. A
case of reverie psychology.
Alcohol is legal; why not
marijuana? After all, look at all
the tragedy and misfortune caused
by die abuse of a legal substance.
A friend pointed out an article to
me in his February, 1994 edition
of Playboy (not "mine, "WI)
that dealt with our nation's war
Honeymoon
resort. It is what the travel
industry calls an "all-inclusive"
resort, which means that you
pay a flat amount of money per
day, and the resort sets out large
mounds of food, and you try to
include it all in your body.
"Hey, I PAID for this food," is
what you are constantly telling
yourself, to justify the fact that
you are already mounding your
plate with lunch even though
you have not, technically,
fmished chewing your breakfast.
The food was served on a
veranda next to a lovely, palm
fringed beach, so at every meal
we enjoyed a breathtaking view
of various guys' armpits. A lot
of guys, when they are on
vacation in a tropical climate,
wear "tank-style" tops, so that if
you happen to glance up from
your food mound just as a guy at
the next table raises his arm to
signal the waiter for another rum
and rum, you find yourself
staring into his hairy armpit,
hovering in from of you like
some hideous mutant alien space
rodent.
I think there should be a "No
Armpits" section.
But getting back to our all
inclusive resort: For those brief
interludes when we were not
eating, we were encouraged to
engage in a constant barrage of
organized fun activities such as
against drugs. Author Robert
Sheer discussed the fact that "the
most reliable government
statistics" report that though two
percent of kids have experimented
with drugs, seventy , percent have
consumed alcohol. Also, the
National Center for Health
statistics revealed that two-thirds
of serious assaults and homicides
involve alcohol. Twenty-five to
forty percent of all patients are
admitted into hospitals due to the
abuse of alcohol. Hmmm.
Makes me wonder why alcohol
isn't banned. Oh, I'm not saying
that it should be; it can add to
life's enjoyment if consumed in
moderation. So why can't we
regulate marijuana the way we
regulate alcohol?
That same Playboy offered
interesting information regarding
drugs on Penn State's main
campus. The article discussed
that disciplinary policies
regarding marijuana would soon
be reformed on campus. A group
of students that had formed to
fight for a marijuana policy
negotiated with the law, and after
two and a half years, were granted
their requests. The policy
included the requests that
marijuana would be distinguished
from hard drugs, and those caught
with possession be treated as if
volleyball, water polo, sailing,
hiking, sightseeing, wind
surfing, snorkeling, scuba
diving, ball-hitting and bun
flexing. At night there were
talent shows, newlywed games,
group singing, movie-showing,
limbo-dancing and of course
more food-eating. This level of
fun takes a physical toll. If you
are a middle-aged person such as
myself, by the end of just one
day, your marriage has about as
much zing as a severely over
steamed carrot, if you get my
drift.
To avoid total exhaustion, we
left the resort compound several
times. We went to the "Jump
Up," a regular Friday night event
wherein people come from all
over the island to a town called
Gros Islet. Everybody gathers in
a street lined with shoe box-sized
bars and people selling grilled
food. In the middle of the street
are some gigantic speakers,
blasting reggae music. It's a
fine place to enjoy refreshing
beverages and watch your braver
fellow vacationers doing a
highly entertaining dance called
"The Tourist," in which a person
attempts to get down and funky
while wearing a fanny pack.
On another day we
courageously rented a car with
25,000 St. Lucian miles on it
(equivalent to 43 million Earth
they had committed an under-age
drinking violation. Also, in
1992, the University of
Massachusetts' student body
voted to legalize marijuana use.
Students at the University of
Michigan did the same. It seems
to me that these procedures took
place in order to try to alleviate
problems at these institutions. I
happen to - subscribe to these
pnxedures.
After ails said and done, and
the facts are on the table- both
sides of the story- marijuana
should be legalized. Too much
of anything is harmful to a
human. Responsibility and
moderation are not out of reach.
I guess it's the alcohol-thing that
really bothers me. All the harm
it causes every day of every year
it doesn't fly well with me. Our
government needs to reconsider.
Murderers, child molesters, and
bank robbers are having their
sentences shortened in order to
make mom for those convicted
drug related offenses. I read that
in Playboy, too. Now isn't
comforting to know that a rap'
is being exonerated so a person
caught with marijuana can
incarcerated? I think not.
miles) and drove around with
another couple, Eileen and
Steve. Steve likes to fish, a fact
that produced the following
actual dialogue:
Eileen (looking at a
guidebook): Oooh, Steve, it
says here that in this town, you
can sometimes see local
fishermen gut their catch on the
beach!
STEVE: YESSSS!
We drove to a village called
Canaries, where we decided to
stop, primarily because our rate
was blocked by a highway
construction crew, probably
constructing new holes in the
road. We got out, went into a
local establishment and
purchased some beers from a
bartender who was maybe 10
years old. Nearby, three elderly
people, two men and a woman,
were sitting by the side of the
road, passing a bottle around.
The woman laughed, leaned way
back, and opened her mouth
wide.
LUUUUVE, she sang, is a
MANY SPLENDORED thing
...the people in Canaries seemed
very relaxed, despite the fact that
they were not, technically, on
vacation. I'm not sure what
their secret is. Maybe it's an
all-inclusive village.
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