February 10, 1994
Serery.
Coggin air
The wad *abortion" brinp to
mind make, heated argue atts -
even violence. Truly, the
dents and opponents of
legs shortie' have found little
ammo grand.
But one goal should see=
desirable( to both camp, as wdl
as to the pawns who hold a
position somewhat* in between.
Nobody should wish to place
young mama in a poskite in
which de kids forced to have an
dation.
One skim effect hew* tiled
by Mks of abortion Is this: that
a woman who undergoes an
Modal suffers a cert
ain amount
~de tank ki some CMOS,
a oat deal.
We fight and me kill over
the question of * fetus' moral
status, but we shotdd sizes
that a sea* sate n ee
do a psychok*krd himn all its
own. litewhe, I mom that the
consequences of not having an
may he ommlomilly
by Dave Barry
Syrulicated Cotwromist
Americans are very upset
about crime. It has become such
a serious problem that even the
U.S. Congress has taken
precious time away from
campaign fund raising to pass a
tough Anti-Crime Bill, which
will make the streets safer for
decent, law-abiding citizens by
imposing harsh mandatory
minimum penalties on Sen. Bob
Packwood
But government action alone
is not the answer. I believe that,
to fight this crime wave, we
need to remember what our
pioneer foreparents did when
they were settling the Wild
West, and there were few
lawpersons around to defend
civilians from the cattle rustlers
and the gunslingers and the
highway persons and the roving
outlaw gangs of Amway
distributors.
In those days, ordinary
civilians sometimes had no
choice but to form posses, saddle
up their horses and bring
lawbreakers to justice at the end
of the barrel of a gun. I realize
that what I'm about to say is
highly controversial, but maybe
it's time we did the same thing.
That's right: If the police can't
protect us, then maybe it's time
we exercised our constitutional
t; ' 2 4444,, - • ‘‘‘
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;mange hr to all parties
bivciNed?
Aside (Kw the question of
whether or not a fetus is a
legitimate subject for moral
consideration, i.e. a right to life,
we should also concern oursdves
with possible harm to the
pregnant -woman, who is
certainly worthy of moral
amskiendko.
When we take the potential
emotional harm to a pregnant
woman as a cause for concern.
then it wears that the religious
right has largely failed to support
those girls and women s: ow, its
membership who do an fact
betaWl7 Y ad
1"14.
akenatheit - cglitiall soabortimdle "" * . peo. g
life" movement has done way
little to see that those young
women who do in fact become
papaw
. are treated with
eamimision
I laveweeett the opposite,
attic I hive seen awed mem
become the vimims deriskm
and tom mantchatkm by the way
maps inhkth take a mead spinet
Fighting Crime
right to keep -- and bear --
horses. A criminal is going to
think twice about entering your
bedroom if he knows there's a
horse in there. Especially if he
(the criminal, also the horse) has
new shoes.
Another option, of course, is
to buy a handgun. This is a
controversial issue, so let me
state out front that whatever
YOU think about the handgun
issue, it is my firm belief that --
and you may call me a
courageous individual if you
wish -- you are 100 percent
correct. But whatever epinion
we jointly hold, we need
toconsider the implications ofa
handgun-related news item that
was reported recently by Tom
McNiff of The Ocala (Fla.) Star-
Banner.
This item, which I am not
making up, describes a tragic
incident involving a Marion
County, Fla. commissioner
named Norm Perry, whose wife,
Betty, was getting ready for a
weekend visit to Miami.
Needless to say, Norm was
nervous about this, because
Miami has a reputation for
having a bed crime problem.
AUDIENCE: How bad is it?
It's so bad that this punch line
has been stolen. (Rim shot,
answered by gunshots.)
Seriously, I happen to live in
South Florida, and the crime
WIYS I
compulsion becomes the basil
for all &dim whit odsers in the
Christian Ad*.
Actually, anyone with a
concern for the psychological and
emotional well-being of a
pregnant woman ought to be
highly critical of the treatment of
unwed mothers within much of
the religious orthodoxy.
The Christian ideal of
forgiveness is admirable.
Unforumately, I have seen more
malk* toward pregnant umnuors
and other lamed mothers" than I
have seen support and
congtillatikm. And am sorry to
say that much of this malice
=WIWI thOthrwho claimed to
01.001kortion kw say tom.
Alithdimi
is, as havestated,
an idly imam* mint
one which is often compounded
by *deep feeling of guilt.
Ihrivever, I wad go so far as
to so that a meant mow in
a Christian community, who
chooses to continue her
prismincy, faces mere entrakod
victims than *es another, teen
who decides to , drert,
-- within
_ • _
situation down here is really not
that bad, as long as you take
certain basic precautions --
locking your doors, avoiding
poorly lit areas, moving to
Idaho, etc. But life down here
can be unnerving. For example,
a while back we rented one of
those warehouse storage lockers,
so we could store some of our
stuff in there for a couple of
years before throwing it all
away. The rental guy asked me
to sign a piece of paper, and he
said (this is a real quote):
"This just says you're not
going to use it to store any,
like, drugs or human bodies."
I looked at him.
"You'd be surprised," he said.
You would be surprised.
Here's another true Miami story:
quite possibly from her parents,
and maybe even ken die official
mechanisms of the community.
I should and will give you an
example, from my owg
experience within the religious
ordicxlbxy.
I graduated from a small,
parochial high school in
southwest Pennsylvania. During
my senkr year, a member of my
class became pregnant. In my
small school, this quickly
became public knowledge.
She suffered. In a school
whetiproafe rhetoric was a fully
ingrained part of the curriculum,
she was made to sestet that she
had maimed her pregnancy. She
faced insults, rumors, and the
subtle cruelty which only high
school students am inflict.
Another pregnant girl, the
year after I graduated, was asked
by the school'; almbisttution to
leave She was dismissed after
she %maw viol* pregnant, on
the grounds that she might give
the school a bad linage.
Would k set have been better
for this high school, which so
1, to
by
to
On Thanksgiving Day, some
workers were trying to fix a
clogged toilet at a rental duplex,
and they found A PERSON IN
THE SEPTIC TANK. (This
person was deceased.
Fortunately for him.) Police
don't know how the body got
there, but it's a safe bet that it
wasn't an accident, unless we're
talking about one of those
EXTREMELY high-suction
toilets.
But getting back to
Commissioner Perry and his
wife: The Star-Banner reports
that, at Commissioner Perry's
suggestion, Mrs. Perry was
planning to take a handgun with
her to Miami. As she was
packing, however, she discovered
that the gun was jammed; so she
brought it to Commissioner
Perry, who was standing in front
of his closet, deciding on what
to wear. He was working on the
gun when suddenly,
unexpectedly, it went off.
So let me just state, as a
South Florida resident, how
grateful I am to Commissioner
Perry for caring enough about
his wife's safety to want to send
her down here with a handgun.
The one thing we need more of
down here is armed people,
which is why, on behalf of the
Chamber of Commerce, I am
urging EVERYBODY who is
thinking of visiting South
Florida to feel free to bring the
weapon of his or her choice,
although we do remind you that,
before you travel with a gun,
you should take the standard
precaution of test-firing it in
Commissioner Perry's closet.
A terrible waste, you say? Also, flush with care.
You have probably already
guessed what happened: The
bullet -- in yet another of the
senseless tragedies that we read
about all too often these days --
went through nine of
Commissioner Perry's dress
shirts.
"Those shirts are $25 to $3O a
piece," he told The Star-Banner.
What message do such actions
convey to a pregnant teenage
girl? They seem to me to
recommend this solution: have an
abortion and do so quickly before
anyone finds out about the
PAY•
For as long as there have been
civilizations, there have been
people consenting to sex when
they weren't "supposed to" be
doing so. Each culture has dealt
with this in a different way.
Some take a lax approach; others
kill the offending parties.
What ought the Christian
religious right advocate do, which
inflicts the least harm to its
members and still retains the
integrity of its underlying moral
principles? Treat the "sinner"
with compassion - by edict of
Christian scripture.
I intend no argument on the
moral status of a human fetus.
But I assert strongly that as long
as the "pro-lifers" tolerate an
atmosphere in which unwed
mothers are openly subject to
abuse, the movement will be
ultimately self-defeating,
Yes. But sometimes you must
pay a price for Vigilance. In
today's crime-ridden society,
there could very easily have been
a criminal hiding in the back of
Commissioner Perry's closet,
planning to steal enough money
to afford air fare to Miami. And
this criminal could easily have
been penetrated by Norm's
bullet, which would have meant
that he (the criminal, also the
horse, if Commissioner Norm
kept one in there) would no
longer be roaming the streets and
victimizing innocent people.
Instead, he would be successfully
suing Commissioner Perry for
millions of dollars.
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