Thursday, April 8, 1993
Placement Office, Y
parse weekend, wltat alVut you it
Iteed*but..dintliel wrath tbespedtaset—i
ores
i l lt.yOnThtrr — • Wern: ro a ' .. stud "
antly.looloB. Ask th em if dubs Or orlituuzathana. or not.
they'll mitt You' the want , ad eollege 'related volunteer
aec*en s evertio uteri . (41east hone/ If so, was itln
*ll get am idea ti the hiring din stllnstnelar What
tvend in than T ics) )< aeeetnitilsh fori*thliteclub
0 0 hu*Peudent Record .. If Yea have a particular city in or organization? Are 'You
Ivitlueuut* 3 / 3 / 9 3 ) tbem t a mind, send rot: ittionoutkutabout outgoing? to trov or led?
in article elmut Job seeker biues. that city, The best mime ot r.terOnable? Remember. once
The headline re , lob seekers information is the area Chamber employed, you become an
enCOUntee new wave of tudetwse of Commerce. (You'd be extension: of the hiring aomPartY•
The subtitle is, "'Kick them atuPrised hew much information CiNaPlnt" ale more and more
when they're down' becomes the Chambers have about their image conscious. TheY tend to
motto of the day.* respective cities, most of it free.)hire those Pee* whose
in following a lead * someone Another grim source is the 0 000 . 0410 e5. suitailes...Pharm.
from Atlanta. Gorgia called a. local telephone directory of the stal..aPPetuattee heat:salami! the
Tampa OXeCtitiVe. The reply was, 'City which you're interested. iMagethe_ JcoMPatues wish to.
I don't have time for you. Why Send off as many letters as you portray. Do you fit their image?
are yoa calling me?* can put aside the cost of a pack Do You knct what their 'linage
Some pmspective employers of cigarettes or a beer every week isT lif4 7
will fail to get back to the for envelopes and stamps -- and
_tented, rude executives are
prospective_ employee falselY also study the Calttrinieti Pathetic examp l es of corporate'
assuming "that Job seekers which you are meat interested. igrage.catil.theY Lave the 'power',
s h oul d get t h e hi nt ." What arc the compotes' hiring they already have the job, and
a There is little one can dc about Practices? Are they growing. or YuttratudY an employee
Bitch rudeness except to be polite , down-sizing ? what qualifications or hoping to be. •
take it in stride, and swallow his are they searching for in a No matter how tough things
or her pride. prospective employee? ...and so get. and Clinton's plans will
Life might suck lollipops, but 0n... make things very tough.
you don't have to let it kick you Keep in mind. .too, that you am Persevere:'huleas Yoe want to be
ru thebeach balls. Be creative a package for sale, Wben a President, in which ca te you have
Begin tbeioh search Process even company finally dOes cons sr to keep in
mi_nd two thoug
lia hts:
earlier than what theeamer and hiring you.? it , ittoontentPlating a . " Vntata gni lilla 4 4l anti *lr Y ou
Placement ; 0 filec... , tuseSoattel ParollauxodualklnalohOWlnallY esnlAtterle thenvwith
. ittiss the“ Career • 4ind „raw- ;can:, ..:exlmusa * bdpe glom
... . .
..;k:liiin7tlol4t4t. . ':'. ,, 1 . W . , .......i:,...4.:,
~.:. t 401M . Part*C41403it :AMA
~...., I. 0 itudcwi::..., ' •. -, : post.: : ::: . :,
~,,..-,-,,,.....„--.,,,,,..............„. .„„:
Lack of accordian repairers
has reached a crisis
by Dave Barry
Syndicated Coiwnnist
In these days of rising taxes,
job insecurity and soaring
medical costs, more and more
Americans arc asking
themselves a chilling question:
"What happens if, God forbid, I
have to get my accordion
rellthedr
This is certainly on my mind.
I own an accordion. I used to
own two of them. I bought
them years ago at an auction for
$25, which worked out to
$12.50 per accordion, which
struck me as an unbclieveable
deal. lt's hard to describe the
look on my wife's face when I
brought them home. It
reminded me of her reaction to
"natural" childbirth.
One of my accordions was
destroyed when I made the
common consumer mistake of
leaving it outdoors for 14
months. But I still have the
other one, a Hohncr "Student"
model. It sits on a filing
cabinet in my office, and
sometimes, when I'm having
trouble thinking up major
issues to have opinions about, I
amuse myself by causing it to
make a scary wailing noise and
swoop down at my two dogs,
Earnest and Zippy, who jumped
up violently and bang their
duvae,iji
if
blues
Ica
411 4 E,
Brat! pas t
heads against the table they
sleep under. Earnest and Zippy
hate the Hohner "Student." It's
an instinctive reaction they
have, dating back millions of
years, to when their wild dog
ancestors often fell prey to
larger, hairier prehistoric
accordions.
But I like my accordion,
although it is not in the best of
shape, a fact that has me deeply
concerned, in light of an article
from The Winona (Minn.) Daily
News sent in by alert reader
Mike Jones. This article states
that the board of Red
Wing/Winona Technical
College has voted to eliminate,
because of low enrollment, the
college's accordion repair
program-- which happens to be
the only such program in the
entire United States.
I can't believe we would let
this happen. We're talking
about a vital part of our nation's
history, dating back to the early
1800 s, when each generation
would seek to pass the secrets of
accordion repair on to the next.
Father. Son, it's time for me
to pass along the secrets of
accordion repair.
Son: I'm moving to Utah.
That's right: Without
accordion repair, Westward
Expansion might never have
occurred. And let's not forget
Opinion
the critical role that an
unrepaired accordion played at
the Battle of Gettysburg ("Have
the accordion player sound the
charge!" "He can't, sir! He took
a bullet in the bellows during
'Lady of Spain!" "Good!")
I could go on, but I am
clearly lying. This is why, in
an unusual effort to include
actual facts in this column, I
called Red Wing/Winona
Technical College and spoke
with the accordion repair
instructor, Helmi Harrington.
She told me there are "eight or
nine million" accordions in the
United States, and that accordion
repair can be "eminently
lucrative." Right now, she said,
"there are only a handful of
certified accordion techinicians,"
the result being that many
accordions are being repaired by
unqualified people.
"There are a lot of butchers
out there," said Harrington.
I don't know about you, but
when I look at the beautiful and
innocent young people of today,
laughing gaily and tossing their
used Slurpee containers on my
lawn, it pains me to think that
they could grow up in a country
where they would be forced to
take their broken accordions to
some back-alley practitioner.
In an effort to find out what
the federal government is doing
tne this MsOach In the busineaS NIFA program and the o pi~€on
weirld, , Chantlos Ole the Personnel teaching- Men I can bug the
dimetorwashired of his Ontnisuatice from the other . 4
ability to sniff out 4ititt- • -of die coin)
banabittart) som
If you still can't find while s till an an d ergra d eat:
Yoh might Want ito 'student Most of the school
consider going for YOur Masters from whom I've receive
degree. The eanStrand 1 1 1ilitement information requi re 3
Office has the Graduate S hoof a
c minimum undergraduate GPA,
Guide. if you're interested_en same expect the MAT (Mill
Eastera tonne or university, Analogy Test) and your GR
B,ton to the C&P office imd pick scores, and almost all want kuas
aF, a copy, The some contains of recommendation from three
stre
f hackglound infortnatkv and more undergrad teachers o
kas Pcuuite-paid postcards for rsofessors.
yarlouseollegesand wilve,raities, Because my interests lie in th.
If ro'reiottirosted itta Weston humanities, (English, cotton
school, youll need to send for;the unication, and art) I wou ld
guide to the schools in thoseexpected "
to present a manuse n, ,
states ause the C&P copy or pertfolie. Keep this in mint
only coven the eases states. when writing papers'ln
do '
sen l C d m 3 f t v or Ymtr de g rees information
abouthefore you Projects , or creating anything f•
the your classes. All of this mttle
SCho6ls, You're working is suitable for a manuscript '
Y
on Your bachelor degree nonfolio. or collection .
Whieh it what is known as a non- Thi s
mg is the 90s. Be creative.
tem' de grne (meaning, it is a (Clinton Pint was creative, and look
precursor to the neat degree.) him now -- of course. Socks
Most masters degrs# are also cat actually gives all the orders,
non-terminal Oricaning 'you ain't The sooner you get started, t
yeti, The PhD is terminal, sooner you can avoid the
grad blues.
and so is the MM.
As a >result of m
mtra
mbiees' I've begun tuY r eevaluate
y ~Ittions and gtmtks I'm
wri ' the t
about this, I called U. S. Sen.
Bob "Bob" Graham of Florida,
who is--and I mean this as a
compliment-- the weirdest major
politician I have ever met. I
rust interviewed him back when
he was governor of Florida. In
an effort to throw him off base,
I asked him what I thought was
a ridiculous question, demanding
to know what he had done, as
governor, to promote harmonica
safety. Without a moment's
hesitation, he delivered a two
minute, well-organized and
extremely persuasive speech,
featuring statistics, in which he
claimed that his predecessor was
responsible for most of
Florida's harmonica-related
deaths.
So I figured Sen. Graham was
the man to call about this issue.
I had barely got the words
"accordion-repair crisis" out of
my mouth when he launched in
to a lengthy, impassioned
oration, from which I got the
following quotes, which I swear
I am not making up:
"Just last night I ate at an
Italian restaurant which, like
thousands of other Italian
restaurants across America, is
now without music, because
their accordion is in disrepair
and has been returned from
Winona, Minn., with postage
due."
Andrew Fasts missed the trials
and tribulations of The Behrend
Coilegi4so* AO `bedded to
ml: 4 •
"We are preparing an anti
dumping order against
Liechtenstein, which has
become the center of accordion
repair on a global basis and has
developed some ferociously anti
competitive practices."
"I don't know whether the
actual use of nuclear weapons is
called for, but I do think we
need a credible military threat."
(Bear in mind that this man is
on the Senate Intelligence
Committee.)
So some leaders are aware of
the crisis. But so far, the failed
Clinton administration has said
NOTHING about it, despite
proposing MILLIONS for
saxophone repair, and despite
the fact that accordion repair
could provide jobs for thousands
of unemployed Americans who
have no useful skills, not that I
am singling out Dan Quayle.
What we need is for ordinary
Americans like yourself, but
with more spare time, to "get
involved." Write to your
congressperson. Write to the
board of Rcd Wing/Winona
Technical College. Write ( what
the heck) to your mom. Future
generations will thank you. My
dogs will hate you.
Dave Barry appears every
week in The Collegian
Page