Page 2
Behrend Briefs
CollegianlDelta Chi Photo Contest: Now
through Friday, April 9, The Collegian will be
accepting submissions for their first annual photo
Contest. The only requirement is that a Delta Chi
member must be included in the photo. Winning
photo will be shown on the front page of the next
iSsate of The Collegian.
Campus Closed: The campus will be closed
Monday, April 5 through Friday, April 9 for a
private party for Dean Li'ley, Chris Reber, Dave
Shields, and their "friend." The`party is in honor of
Lilley's recent coming out of the closet.
Attention People Who Live South of the
Staircase and Use it On a Daily Basis,
Except When They Close it' Due to Lack of
Electricity (Which Is Truly Annoying):
Don't use it. It's had.
Provost Speaker Series Cantinaes:
n
0
W Lec eci tu e r c e sdad ai ,April
0 7 1_ at 7:30 p.m. in7dte Rood,
. S e y mour Butz win
"Homosexual-Overweight-Skinite Wad-N
Secretly Sodomize' Th e i r N . igh b ors #ak
vgs a
i
This Affect s the Average College How
indent."
Refreshment
s will be served in the Wintergreen Cafe
, willbe sotto • :as: .to do
Campus
. .
' , Hanging Of the Hoe": °n T? April 6 0
Housingand Food Services will be.spswectring a
II • col umn ist lviint Duddy.
p u bli c lynching of Co le g Co st
The IYeching is °pee to the Pi!hlie ar5 (1 ).„.,,,,ww
isth booltstare A free stontng is MaRCPPiRCti; t° ~
' ta and ire event .‘ t
place prior . - - -
vailable from sedend floor 'tea
in honor b
Attenti°4 25t h 13ehrel. F
1(1.
IFriday,Friday,lle 11 it
mastener at parasite Dr * Ivlnste
a B *iding• —l* ttipeWOMlS'
sponsoringbehind theßeed us
"ng li ve
th e celebratto wa
. and leeches
flukes,
HEY Collegian Staff: Reminder... Just forget it!
There is never going to be another staff meetina
Turnbull 205 at 5:30 p.m. ever again/ No one eVer
comes to tea >< anyway/ So just go on with your
*tiful incubi lives! We don't .net4t c, I
:14444114441111;j
This is a joke.
This is only a joke.
If this had been an
actual newspaper,
the stories and
photos you just saw
would have been
followed by important
news, information or
instructions.
News
from BURIAL on page 1
Uhgamokalahee will perform an
ancient Navajo ceremony and take
the remains of the four Native
Americans to New Mexico where
they will be returned to the
ground.
Penn State is charging the
Institute of Native American
History $l2OO per year for the
housing of each of the bodies.
Total cost will be calculated from
the time that Behrend acquired the
land. A spokesperson for the
University said, "If we don't
charge them, then everyone will
want to stay here for free. After
all, many students pay housing
bills and never attend classes, so
why should this be any
different?"
from DISH on page 1
wanting to know what the dish
was for. He then screamed that
he saw Satan and passed out."
When asked whether he knew
anything about why Binder would
do something like that, Joe
Mycka, SGA President, said, "I
don't know why he did it, but if
he hadn't done it, I would have."
THE COLLISION
The paper that is
so shocking it is
only allowed to be
printed once a
year.
Police Report
by Sal U. Tayshunz
Homicide
Police & Safety notified the Pennsylvania State Police of a
possible homicide which took place in The Collegian office.
Reporting of the incident really didn't matter since the victim
wasn't really missed. The incident is not under investigation.
Theft
A box of donuts was reported stolen from the Police & Safety
Explorer. The Pennsylvania State Police and F. 8.1. have been
notified of the theft. An APB has been put out for the arrest
and conviction of the thief. The National Guard have been
instructed to "shoot-to-kill." The incident is under
investigation.
The Used Book Price Guide was reported missing from the
bookstore. Police & Safety was called in, but was instructed
to provide security for the student celebration which soon
followed. The incident is not under investigation.
Lost And Found
A Nu-Hart Hair Clinic hair piece and pair of elevator shoes
were reported missing from the Office of Student Activities.
Dave Shields has asked for anonymity. The incident is under
investigation.
Finally
Police & Safety were called to the scene of criminal behavior
in the suites. The culprit was detained by the Police & Saftey
officer at the scene. After a thorough investigation all the
details concerning the crime were deduced. Police & Safety
solved the crime. That incident is under
investigation.
Students honored
by cliff claven
Collision Staff
trivia 'master supreme
Three Penn State-Behrend
students were arrested yesterday
afternoon, after Pennsylvania
State Police found three sawed
off shot guns and five knifes in
one of their dormitory rooms.
Loretta Russ, Terri Swanson
and Jennifer Watkins were
arrested in connection to the
death of Collegian Co-Editor
Alicia Hartman.
Hartman's body had been
found last Friday by Collegian
Office Manager Lori Dyer and
Business Manager Darlene
Stremic in The Collegian office.
No clear motive has been
Thursday, April 1, 1993
uncovered in why these three
plotted Hartman's death, but
State Trooper Ben Dover stated
"we think it was in connection
with the bossy attitude Hartman
had toward these three or they
were jealous of Hartman's
relations with Cissne."
Two of the three suspects have
given statements to the press.
Swanson said she only did it to
watch Alicia die.
"I was extremely jealous of
her hairdo," Loretta Russ stated.
In a statement to reporters,
Co-Editor Matt Cissne stated, "I
don't really believe that those
three would do such a thing, but
Alicia had it coming for some
time."