Page 8 Entertainment Meat, meat - man's gotta eat! Jocks survive plane crash and do a bit of fine dining in Alive by Sarah Mekhiorre Collegian Staff "Are we suppose to fly that close to the mountains?" questions one of the passengers just seconds before his life is changed forever. This may sound a little dramatic, but ALIVE, based on a true story that shocked the world in the early seventies, is as emotionally powerful a film as you are likely to see in a theater this month. It begins with a few small bumps, just some minor turbulence. A plane carrying a South American rugby team and some family and friends, hits one of the many jagged peaks of the enormous Andes Mountain Range. The tail end of the plane immediately breaks off Un-Like a virgin Madonna stars in the steamy new thriller, Body of Evidence by Jennifer Toubakaris Collegian Staff What four words pop into your mind when you think of describing Madonna? How about raunchy, sex, and poor acting? Coincidentally, those four words also come to mind after seeing the new movie, Body of Evidence, starring Willem DaFoe and the Peroxide Queen of Hollywood herself, as it proves to be a masterpiece of shit. The plot of the story is very unoriginal. A rich, old guy dies of a heart attack and leaves eight million dollars to his beautiful lover (none other than Madonna herself). Madonna is then accused of inducing his heart attack by My advice: rent a porno instead exhausting him t roug strenuous and bizarre sex. Well, if anyone could achieve this task I guess it could be Madonna! DaFoe enters the picture as her attractive attorney. Madonna eventually connives DaFoe into participating in sex with her (although she really didn't have to twist his aim). Next, the audience gets to watch as Madonna pours hot wax on DaFoe's body and "cool him off" with champagne. The old guy sitting behind me must have found this amusing because all I could hear was his heavy breathing! Madonna then precedes to tell DaFoe, "I fuck, that's what I do." No, really?!! Anne Archer plays the deceased man's secretary. She tells the jury that, "Men don't marry women like her." Do you blame them? and passengers, most still buckled in their chairs, are sucked out of the plane, screaming in terror as they crash to the frozen earth to their deaths. The lucky ones die, that is. Over the next ten weeks the crash survivors will face nearly insurmountable odds to get rescued and, more importantly, stay alive. Tested not only by their hostile surroundings and the shock of the crash itself, they are quickly traumatized by the sight of their loved ones dying before their eyes and the striking realization that there will soon be no food left. ALIVE, directed by Frank (Arachnophobia) Marshall, isn't full of high-tech special effects 1 can't even understand why two excellent actors such as DaFoe and Archer would even consider doing such a poor movie, especially co-starring with Madonna. Her acting is about as bad as her need to touch up her roots! The only parts through the movie that her acting was actually convincing to watch were the sex scenes, which shouldn't surprise anyone at all! DaFoe eventually gets in too deep, almost sacrificing his marriage and career. He vows never to see Madonna outside of business again, but just can't seem to let go after watching her masturbate. Whatever.. 9 ft I After DaFoe wins the trial for Madonna she delivers the line, "The trial's over. You almost convince'me. Obviously DaFoe was acting because I think he was the only person in the theater who believed her innocence. The ending was the only part of the movie that I enjoyed because Madonna finally gets what she deserves. DaFoe's wife comes back to him, but before she should take him back he had better get an AIDS test. After all, he slept with Madonna. This movie isn't worth spending a dollar on. My advice: rent a porno. You could get the same effect and the acting might even be a little better! As for Madonna, she should stick to making music. Although after her recent album, Erotica, I'm not even sure of that anymore. or action sequences, as the television trailers would suggest. Instead, it focuses on creating strong characters and pulls you in through emotion. Fernando (frequent snow bunny Ethan Hawke) announces "I just wanted to tell you my sister is dead. I'll put her outside with the others [the dead) tomorrow, but for tonight I want to hold her." The survivors watched loves ones die and could do nothing to stop it, and the film's wonderful cast helps us to identify with their grief. In today's society everyone is concerned with individualism and with competition. When the rugby team is faced with the hardest "game" they must play, a game of survival, they begin Yourie.a /Horoscope PrO - by Ruby Wyner-lo A.A. B P-cernfied Astrologer Aries: (Mar. 21-Apr. 19) Infil trate Fort Knox and steal lots of gold bouillon. You're going to need it in January. Taurus: (Apr. 20-May 20) After months of auditions, you land a role in a major Broadway pro duction. Unfortunately, you'll have a bout with gas on opening night and will let fly with loud flatulence. stunning the first 18 rows. Gemini: (May 21-June 21) Your trip to Acapulco will result in tragedy when your cliff diving experiment ends with fifteen deaths. Cancer: (June 22-July 22) The presidential candidate you voted for will openly admit to com mitting seven acts of necrophilia. Contnue to show your support, because at least he admitted to Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) Come out of the closet this week. Admit to the world that you sort of like Michael Bolton's music. Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You'll invite your boss to dinner at your place to ask for that big raise. You won't get it because you didn't properly thaw theft°. to fall apart. The team captain, Antonio roars, "Is this still a team or a bunch of cut throats about to do each other in?" Sometimes when people are faced with an impossible situation they must do things that normally wouldn't have crossed their minds, and about mid-way through their 72-day ordeal the survivors make the toughest decision of their lives: they must resort to eating the frozen flesh of the dead to survive. The cannibalism scenes are not for the squirmish - many people had to. turn away during the first incision scene. The passengers used a .piece of glass to cut into the frozen human corpse. Listen up! The Collegian Entertainment staff is looking for new writers. Free stuff!!! Movies, concerts, CDs, Tapes, Easy Women and more... Call 898-6488 :en yak. Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Posses sion of an ancient scarab will give you the ability to commu nicate with vermin. Use this power wisely. Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. Z ) Move to Russia, bastard. Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Mischievous imps will invade your bedroom while you sleep and poke your bloated belly. Capricorn: (Dec. 22-)an., 19) Romance heats up at the conve nience store when you ,ind a mysterious stranger both grab for the same shriveled-up hot dog. Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) A nasty cold debilitates you until daredevil Evil Knievel comes to your home and heals you with the touch of his hand. Pisces: (Feb. 19-Mar. 20) While using the cash machine, the per son behind you will memorize your Plisi number, pick your pocket, remove all the money from your account, and return your card to you before you sus pect a thing. 01992 Onion Features Syndicate Thursday, January 21, 1993 The survivors are constantly in conflict with their morals, religion, and will to survive. Filmed once before in the cheapie 1978 Mexican exploitation film Survive!, the rugby player's story exemplifies human spirit as a savior and Marshall's film captures the spirit well. The cinematography was spectacular and the crash scene was unbelievably tense. The acting was very realistic - so many times I found my jaw hanging open. ALIVE is tense, moving and exciting, but I must warn you, after you see this movie you'll want a pair of red shoes and a pizza. "I'll pay if you go and get it!" Puzz e Solutions from Page 9 07- Co" SE EVER)ofIE las ME FAnricis,y FJofl 14 51.1 OK3 %06 EAR/J on THE rf 5r TX Ni i iv e ti 311 I' ii.. 9 IV 1 V 1113 0 1 3ev &mai l .o.Q) MIMI 11 11311 __ Trr i „ v A OXI NN • .nn n JP I f 1 3 3 1 lag N 1 , • 1' U 1 airilu g 9.3! 1 PA 12.121 , ti(2 1 1.1 MS GYP: , 31 t s ir 3ti or pii i 6 d . w 1 c.,
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