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THE ELK ADVOCATE,
A I0CAL AKD GEN'iRALSWSPArr.."?,
la Published Every Thura:?t;'j
BY JOHN F. MOORL.
Ttr Year in advance. ?1 "0
jf f '1
EI H
seieot story.
"""THE MANOF KANY VAGAEIE3."""'
.1 Seaside Sketch,
Mr. Lundy was a pcculiar-iooking
niau, with a thiu face, and long, straight
liair, that ho fancied never needed cut.
ting, lie had, at ono time, been very
unfortunate in his business ; but, though
made rich since ly a large legacy, ho
was not in a condition to enjoy it. The
fact is, Mr. Lundy was a confirmed
hypochondriac
For many years Mis. L. had staid at j
home and humored Ins wtinus, but ou
season her pretty daughter wanted to go
to a watering place, not for any disease
in particular, but to sec the world and
the youug folks in it.
Behold, them then, comfortably cs.
tablished in a sea sale hotel. For two
days Mr. Lundy had been nil right ; but
one morning his good wife knew what
was coming, by the peculiarity of his
looks and motions. Her book full from
her hand ; Minnie turued pale.
" lie's been fiiahty all the morniirj,"
said Mrs. L. " Dear, dear, see him
whirl what is it, Lundy ?"
" A feather, uiy dear a feather ;
catch me hold mo. Don't you see the
wind is blowing wo everywhere ? It
will take mo out to sea, and I shall got
saturated yes, wet through, Mrs Lua.
dy, I beg you to catch :ue ; pin me to
your bounot ; I shall bo sale there. Just,
see how frightfully T rufllo j the slight
est puff of air agitates me throughout.
I'd rather bo anything than this; do
put uio ia your bonnet, my dear."
" 1 II put you in :t ma l-iiouse, beloro
long, muttered tiic exaspcr
" if you cut up Mich capers.
,-atcd wile,
Come in-
to thebotel, Mr. Lundy.
" Come into the hotel, madam ; you
talk as if I had legs. Did you ever sec
a feather walk ? Why. I'm lighter than
a snow. drift ; I wish I had a brick in
my hat to keep u;c down Ah ! I envy
everything stationary. Observe how 1
quiver; stick a pin in me, iny dear, and
fasten me to the door. Is there enough
of nic lor a piu ? Am I a hcn-feathcr,
or a duck. feather, cr what V
" Goose-feather, if anything, you
tiresome mortal," cr:d hi wif?. " I'm
sick of your vagaries. First you're a
cat on the roof, mewing a:vl keeping
everybody awake ; then you re a glass
bottle, full of water, freezing and snap
ping; you're anything and everything
but a reasonable man. I'm tired of it."
" Mrs. Lundy, vrid you have the
goodness to put uio in your pocket''
squeeze me in your hand, anything, that
I may feel safe in your protecting care,
lm floating (singing.)
"Tin afloat, Fni afloat!' ah
what's that ? "
"Nothing, Mr. Lundy, but Joe's
whip. I called him from the coach
house ; lay on Joe."
" But, my love, my legs."
" Nonsense, Mr. Lundy ; lay on Joe.
Feathers haven't got legs."
" True, Mrs. L. but they have mar
row, and that's what feels. Pray beg
Joe to stop."
Just then ran up little Tom the on
ly male hope of the Lundy family and,
strange to say, in his hand a handsome
heu's feather. A triumphant smilo il.
lamed the face of Lundy the elder,
" Now, my dear," ho said, gravely,
taking the feather in his hand. ' I
hope you'll believe mo. My child, look
on that feather, and be thaukful ; that
was me."
And littlo Tom, chuckling at the idea,
ran up and down the piazza, repeating
merrily
" Pa was a lien, onoe ; dear me, how
funny."
Minnio Lundy was captivating ; there
is no doubt about that. In pink, blue,
wliite or green sho looked equally
charming. There were rich men there
who would like to charm her, and nice
men, and silly men silly to that ex
tent that they wero fools, and didn't
know it. But it happened that a young
physician was luckier than them all,
and poorer. " I must have that girl,"
he said, solto voce, a dozen times a day,
and then heartily wished that sho had
tho fovcr. He was very handsome.
Probably ho saw Minnie through tho
back of his head, for he was always
looking out of tho window when she
came in, and always blushed violently.
y One day Minnio followed her mother
into tho parlor. As usual, Dr. Stag was
there.
" My dear," cried Mrs, Lundy, who
had just come from tho garden, "you
look excited."
" O mamma ! " and her voice was
BO sweetly low, so softly agitated " we
shall have to leave this place, indeed we
shall. Father is taking on terribly;
eome of tho boarders are laughing
others are shocked."
And what i.s tho freak now, ray
dear?"
Oh ! he's a rooster, and crows till
to is black in tho face."
"A rooster I horriblo! And hero
we are not a doctor wo know "
Somebody wheeled round from tho
window.
peak ol
the ahem need of a iloclor.
J-.xcuse
my forwardness but I cm
a physi
v.!
J JUl H til V.I1C..;, bUl A -' " J'
cian.
Of courra Minnie wa,; more beau
cal
than ever in her confusion.
" My poor husband lias na unfortunate
tendency that c.nnoya everybody near
him."
" Perhaps he is a hypcehnudriac. I
think I have scon him, Where is he
madam ? "
" On the ncrih porch," raid Minnie.
" And 1 am pure we arc very much
obliged," added the mother, '-if you
cau ouiy ncip mm.
The first sound that struck their cars,
as llicy iir.ic.l from the uoor was a grand
and sonorous ,; couk a-doo d'e do !"
" John Mr. Lundy," cried his wife,
" what a fad spectacle you nro making
of yourscll."
" I'm not a spectacle, irood woman ;
I'm a roojter. Get out of my way do
you not notice the expanse of my wings ?
Coek a-doo-dle-do! "
" What shall we do ? " cried the poor
wife, turning to the doctor. " O, s'"r,
can you stop this ridiculous exhibition ?"
" Trust rue, madam," said the young
man, biting his lip, for the sight was al
most too rediculous for his gravity.
" Upon my word." he continued, ad
dressing tho deluded man, " what a
magnificent creature ! Why, his fealh.
crs arc a yard long. Where did you
get such a splendid specimen ? Is he
imported ? "
" Cock-a doo-dle do 1 " yelled tho hu.
man biped, struting moro than ever.
" That woman has nothing to do with
me, sir nothing at all. I'm a rooster
on my owu account cock a-doo-dlo-do."
Hero the doctor gave orders aside to
one of tho servants, who went away
grinning. Then, turning to the rooster,
who wa.s by this time red in the face
with exertion, he said :
" declare it makes my mouth water
to think what a capital dinner that bird
would furnish. May 1 wring his neck,
madam ? It will tako but a few sec
onds." " No, you dou't," cried the other ;
" I'm tough I'm very tough I'm an
old bird, sir not to bo caught with
thaiT."
" iiut you are a
rooster ; what cko
aro jou good for ? "
Good to crow, sir
;o.-;d to crow,'
and forthwith ensued tho loudest screaoh
of all, siicjoded by a somniersault and a
scusaticn of suffocation. Another mo
ment and the servant appeared with a
dead fowl in his arni9.
" I assure you, sir, it had to be done,"
said the doctor, gravely, and Mr. Lun.
dv rubbed his face and pinched Ins
throat.
" Did you really wring roy neck, sir ?''
tho hypochondriac asked gravely.
" When you wero a rooster, certain,
ly."
" Did I die game ! " r.sked tho other,
with a manner of solemn importance.
" ou did particularly trame, re.
plied the doctor.
- Thauk you, fcir. I! I should hap.
pen to turn into a rooster again, I shall
know where to go."
" i shall be inert nappy to to wring
your neck for you, sir, on any such in
tercstiu;' occasion."
" Very kind, I'm sure. If you should
ever iret int ) trouble, John Lundy will
stand your friend."
" Do you promise me that, sir? "
" 1 do, and I never break my word."
After that, Minnie walked in the
garden sometimes : and Minnio was not
alone not she.
" I love violets best," said tho doctor
to her ono day.
"Andl roses. ;io .Minme, oemg
the leant bit sentimental, noted Tope on
roes something about dew. And the
doctor went on Shakespeare, very bad
indeed, till somehow, in somo way ho
never could tell how or in what way
(neither couid she) ho said it.
Pee dictionary for "it."
" Indeed, I must not listen to this,"
murmured Minnie dyiii" to hear it
atrain. " Mv father, if ho knew
' " Would disapprove, perhaps," cried
tho young doctor. " And why f .be
causo I am poor. And you, too, per.
haps "
"No.no: I I you know I love
you but
" Hark ! Who calls ? "
Enter Tommy.
" Oh, sis. pa's took airain, and he's
going it awful 1"
" What is it now, dear ? " aiked
Minnie, with tho faeo of an angel ; but
perhaps sho wasn't a littlo cross at tho
interruption.
" Oh, bo's a sofa, and ma says pleaso
somebody como and smash him all to
bits."
" What shall we do ?" sighed Minnio
" that 13 tho most ridiculous freak of
all."
" Don't bo frightened, my love," said
the doctor. " Tommy, run right home
and toll your mother 1 will bo there in
a law minutes. Now, Minnie, there is
but one way I know to cure your father,
" Madam I heard von
at once and for all, and that is by
giv-
mg lam a shook.
' What! of electricity V
"No dear far more powerful than
that. Yoa must go to that littlo brown
house over there, and be married."
"Oh, never; my father will kill
me."
,: Decs be ever break his word ? "
" I never knew him to."
" All right. lie promised mo that
if I should ever get into trouble ho
would help nic out."
" Did he, really ? Then he will."
" But it is necessary that we give him
the shock first. Delay not, my darling ;
you shall never regret it."
Of course she went.
: All I a;k is that nobody'll sit on
me, for I'm cracked. Beside0, I'm just
varnished, and not quite dry yet. Do,
my dear, stand at tho door and tell peo
ple as they conic in that I cannot bo sat
on, or m any way mcuuieu wicn. l m
so flimsily fastened together."
This was the speech that greeted Dr.
Stag as ho entered Mr. Lundy s parlor
with Minnie. Mrs. L. was in tears,
" Doctor, as soon as ever I get homo
I'll have that ridiculous man carried
directly to the hospital indeed I will,"
cried the poor woman. " 1 vc borne it
lon enough, and I'm completely worn
out."
" co am 1, my dear, piped up tier
husband, " I expect I'm second-hand;
shouldn't wonder in the least, my legs
foci so shaky. Pray don t touch mo
Isn't one roller gone, my dear?"
" Holler gone your wits aro gone.
wish I was a man. I'd varnish you in
such a way that you'd never want to bo
a sola again, or any piece oi luruiture.
The doctor stood near, gravely consiu.
enng.
' My dear, arc you better as you arc,
for I see in the last five minutes vou
have como out washbowel and pitcher,
IJut isn t your noso a little cracKeU, or
do I see awrj ? I shouldn't wonder
for my head is full of brass tacks.
think I vo snutleu them up my nose.
It s worso than mlluenza.
4 Wa3 ever poor creature so afflicted ?'
murmured Mrs. Sofa I mean Mrs.
Lundy.
' Iv ever, my love. I protest that it 1
could bo anything else i would but
sofa I am, and a poor one at that.'
At that moment tho doctor spran
forward and planted hi.nself upon tho
prostrate body of Mr. Lundy.
Capital sou this, he said, keeping
3 position in spite of his victim's
struggles.
' Get up I'm cracking in six pieces
Good heavens! you'll ruin me you'll
break my back. Get up till I m prop
erly mended, for pity sake.
Lpon my word, said the doctor
calmly, 1 this piece of furniture acts as
if it was i-livc. It kicks and wriggles
and makes mo laugh at its antics. What
a ridiculous sofa !'
1 tcil you i m second hand : criei.
the hypochondriac more faintly than be
lore, tor I.jU pouuds, deadweight, was
no li'.'l.t infliction. ' I'm brass. tacked
old very old full of cracks ono
roller gone. O! pray don't lea-i your
weight on me.'
The doctor lifted himself cautiously.
Tho sofa gavo ono deep inspiration.
The doctor looked serious.
' Aro you sure you aro a sofa ? '
1 Of course I am.'
' Then you are no longer Mr. Lundy.'
' I am no longer Mr. Lundy.'
' Can you keep a secret? '
' Certainly I can.'
1 Do you know old Lundy's dau.gh-
cr ,
' I guess I do.'
' Won't you let on to the old fellow if
I tell you something ?'
' Not if you say no.'
' Well, I've just married her. She's
my wife.'
' Off went the sofa like a run.'
What ! You vidian 1 ' "
' Tako care you'll break ! ' cried the
doctor.
' You young rascal 1 '
' You old sofa !
You desperato young thief! '
' You rickctty old sofa, with your
bead full of brass taeks, I tell you,'
cried tho doctor, ' if you had not been a
feather, and a rooster, and a sofa, and
tho cat3 know what, you'd looked af
ter your daughter better than you have.
But come, let's bo friends, aud thank
mo for curing you. You'll never bo a
hypochondraio again I'll take good
care of that for you seo it's a nice
thing to have a medical adviser in tho
family. Besides, you promised mo
once that If I was in troublo you'd help
mo throuah. Come, como, let's be
Quits.'
' I seo I can't help myself,' said the
old man gravely ; ' but I tell you what,
I shall consider you a thict until you
are ablo to suppo't your wife ia tho
stvlo she is accustomed to.'
It is needless to add. that was tho
last of tho troublo.
Who aro the best kind of servants
for hotels ? The inn-cxperienced.
WIB 111 . 1 9 I VL T.
THE LAB 7 AND THE LCCKSKITH.
1 live in San Francisco, and am a
locksmith by trade. My calling is a
strange one, and possesses a fascination
rendering it one of the most agreeable
of pursuit. Many who follow it, see
nothing in it but labor think of noth.
ing but its returns injrold and silver.
To mo, it has other charms than the
money it produces, lam calhi upon,
almost daily, to open doors and peer in.
to long-negiected apartments ; to spring
the stubborn licks ol safes, and gloat
upon tho treasures piled witliin ; to
quietly enter the apartments cf ladies
with moro beauty than discretion, and
pick the locks of drawers containing
peace destroying missives, that tho dau
gcrous evidences of wandering affection
may not read: tin: eve ot a husband, or
lather, possessing the missing key ; to
force the fastenings cf cash boxes, and
depositories of records, telling of men
made suddenly rich, of corporations
plundered, of orphans robbed, of hopes
crushed, of families ruined. Is there
no charm in all this? no food for spec
ulation ? no scope for the range of
pleasant fancy ? Then, who would not
be a locksmith, though his face is be
grimed with the soot if tho forge, aud
his hands aro staiued with rust?
But I have a story to tell not exact
ly a story, cither for a story implies
the completion as well as the beginning
of a narrative and mine is scarcely
moro than tuc introduction to one.-
Let him who deals in fancy write tho
rest. In tho spring of 18Vt3 I think
it was in April I opened a little shop
on Kearney street, and soon worked my.
sen into a lair business. .Late ono eve.
ning, a lady, closely veiled, entered my
shop, and pulling froui beneath a cloak
a small japanned box requested me to
open it. The lock Vis curiously con
structed, and I wa3a!lof au hour fitting
it with a key. Tho lady seemed tier.
vous at the delay, and at length request
ed me to close the door. 1 was a littlo
surprised at tho suggestion, but of
course complied. Shutting the door,
and returning to my work, the lady
witnurew lier veil, disclosing as sweet
face as can well be iuiagiucd. There
was a restlessness in the eye and a pallor
m tho check, however, which plainly
toiu oi a neart in at caso, ami in a mo
ment every emotion for her had given
place to that ot pity
" Perhaps you nro not well, madam.
aud the night air is too chilly said
I
rather inquisitively.
I Jolt a rebuke in her reply : " In re
questing you to closo the door, I had no
other object than to escape the attcn
tion of persons."
I did not reply, but thoughtlully con
tiuued my work. She resumed, '' That
little box contains valuable papers-
private papers and I have lost the
key, oi it has been stolen. I should not
wish to have you roiacmber that ever I
came here on such an errand, she con
tiuued with some hesitation, and giving
me a look which it was not difficult to
understand
" Certainly, madam, if you desire it
If I cannot forget your face, I will at
least attempt to lose the reeoliection of
ever seeing it here."
Tho lady bowed rather coldly at what
I considered a line compliment, and
proceeded with my work, satisfied that
a sudden discovered partiality for me
had norhing to do with the visit. Hav.
ing 6ucceded, after much filing and cut
ting, in turning tho lock, 1 was Euizet
with a curiosity to get a glimpse at tho
precious contents ot the box, and sud
aenly raising tho lid, discovered a bun
die of letters and a daguerreotype, as
slowly passed the bos to its owner. She
seized it hurriedly, and placing the let.
ter and picture in her pocket, locked
the box, t nd drawing tho veil over her
face, pointed to tho door. I opened it,
and as she passed into tho street, she
merely whispered '' Remember ! "
Wo met again, and I have been thus
particular in describing her visit to tho
shop, to render probiblo a subsequent
recognition.
About two o'clock in tho morning, in
the latter part of May following, I was
awoke by a gentle tap upon the window
of the littlo room back of the shop, in
which I lodged. Thinking of burglars,
I sprang out of bed, and in a moment
was at the window, with a heavy ham
mer in my hand, which I usually kept
at that timo within convenient reach of
my bedside.
" Who's there ? " I inquired, raising
tho hammer and peering out iuto the
darkness for it was as dark as Egypt
when under tho curso of Israel's God.
" Hist 1 " exclaimed a figure, stepping
in front of the window ; "open the door,
I havo tusiucss foryou."
" Ilather past business hours, I
should say ; but who aro you r
" No ono that would barm you," ro.
turned tho voico which waa rather foini
nine for a burglar's.
" Nor no ono that can ! " I replied,
rather emphatically, by way of a warn
ing, ns I tightened my grip on the ham.
nier, ana proceeded to tho door. I
pushed back tho bolt, and slowly open,
ing tho door, discovered the stranircr
'.ready upon the steps.
"What do voir want?" I abruptly
inquired.
" I wul toll you, answered the same
soft voice, "if you open the door wide
cuongli lor mo to enter."
" Como in," said I, resolutely throw-
I the door ajar, and proeecdins to
light a candle. Having succeeded,
turned to examine the visitor. He was
small and neatly dressed gentle-
niau, wmi ii noavy iiagiar. around Ins
shoulders, and a blue navy cap drawn
suspiciously over the eyes. As I ad
vanced toward him ho seemed to hesi
fate a moment, then raised the cap from
his forehead, and looked mo curiously
in tho fauc. I did not drop tho candle
but I ackuowlcdged to a littlo nervous
ness as I hurriedly placed tho lijiht on
n little table, and silently proceeded to
invest mysclt with two or three very
necessary articles of clothing. As tho
JiOrd livcth, my visitor was o lady, and
tho aamo for whom I had opened the
little box about a month before ! Hav
ing completed my hasty toilet, I at
tempted to stammer an apology for my
rudencs?, but utterly failed. The fact
is I was confounded.
Smiling at my discomfiture, she said
Disguise is useless ; i presume vou
recognize mo r
" I bclicvo I told you, madam.
should not soon forget your face. In
what way can I servo you ? "
" JSy doing hall an hour s work be
iore aayugnc to-morrow, and receiving
i.. J V li i . . .
five hundred dollars for vour labor."
was tnc repiy,
" It is not ordinary work," said I, in
quinngly, " that commands so munifi
cent a compensation."
" it is a labor common to your call
ing, repncn tuc lauy. uio price is
not so mucn lor the labor, as the condi
tion under which it is to be performed."
" And what is the condition, I in
quired.
lnac ou win submit to bcins con
vcyeu irotn ana returned to your own
door biinaioided. '
Ideas of murder, burglary, and al
most every other crime to villainy, hur
riedly presented themselves to my vis.
ion. and I politelv bowed, find s.iid " 1
must understand something more of the
character of tho employment, as well as
the conditions, to accept your olfer."
Will not live hundred dollars an
swer in lieu of an explanation ? ' she in
quired. jNo nor live thousand.
Sho patted her foot nervously on the
floor. I could sec sho had placed an
entirely too low an estimate on my hon
esty, aud I felt some gratification in be.
ing able to convince her ot the fact.
' Well, then, if it i.s absolutely neces
sary Lr mo to explain she replied, ' 1
must tell you that you are required to
pick the lock of a vault, and '
' You have gono quite far enough,
madam, with the explanation,' I inter,
ruptcd ; ' I am not at your service.'
' As 1 said,' ho continued, ' you aro
required to pick the lock of a vault, and
rcscuo from death a man who has been
confined there for three days.'
' To whom does tho vault belong ? ' I
inquired.
' My husband,' was the somewhat re
luctant reply.
' Then why so much secrecy ? or ra-
tner, now came a man conliucd in such
a place ? '
' 1 scon.: ao. h'.u there to escape the
ooservation or my busb-and. lie sus
pected as much and ctosed the door on
him. Presuming ho had left the vault,
and quitted tho house by the back door,
I did not dream, until to.day that he
was coiifiued there. Certain suspicious
acts ot my Husband this altcrnoon con
vinco mo that the man is there, beyond
human bearing, and will be starved to
death by my barbarous husband, unloss
immediately rescued. For three days
he has not lett the uouso, 1 ' drugged
him less than an hour ago, and be is
now so stupefied that tho lock may bo
picked without his interference. I
have searched his pockets, but could
not find the key ; hence my application
to you. Now you kno'T all ; will you
accompany mo :
' To tho end of tho world, madam, ou
sucn an errand.
' Theu prepare yourself; there is a
cao waiting at tho door,
I was a little surprised, for I had not
heard the sound of wheels. Hastily
urawing on a eoat, and providing my
self with the required implements,
was soon at tho door. Thcro, sure on
ough was tho cab, with the driver in his
seat, ready for tho mysterious journey
I cntcreu tho vehicle, followed by tho
lady. As soon as I was seated sho pro
duced a heavy handkerchief, which by
the faint light of an adjacent street
.amp, sue carclully bound round my
eyes, lhe lady seated herself beside
me, and tho cab started. In halfi
hour it stopped in what part of the
city I am entirely ignorant, as it was
evidently driven in anything but a di
rcct course from the point of starting.
J-xftnnning the bandago to see that
my vision was completely obscured, the
lady handed mo the bundle of tools
with which I was provided, then taking
me by tho arm, led mc through a'gatef
into a house which I knew was of brick,
and after taking mc through? a passage
way which could not have been less
fifty feet in length, and down a flight cf
stairs into what was evidently an under
ground basement, stopped beside a vault,
and removed the handkerchief from roy
eyes.
Here is the vault opcti it, said
she, spriuging the door of a dark lan
tern, and throwing K beam of light wpon
tuc 10CK.
I seized a bunch of "skeleton kcysy
and after a few triols, which tl e lady
seemed to watch with tho most painful
anxiety, sprang the bolt. Tho door
swung upon its hinges, and my compan
ion, telling mo not to it close, as it was
self-Iockir.g, sprang into the vault. I
heard the murmur of low voices within,
and the next moment a lady appeared,
and lcaniug upon herarafa man, with
a face so pale and haggard that I start
ed at tho sight. How ho must have
suffered during the three long "days of
his confinement !
Remain here shcsaid, handing me
tho lantern ; ' I will bo back in a mo--ment.'
The two slowly"asccnded the stairs,
and I heard them enter ayrooru'limme.
diatcly above whoro I was standing.
In less than a miuutothc lady returned.
' Shall I close it," madam ? ' said I,
placing my hand upon tho door of the
vault.
No! no!' she cxcTaimcd,hasti!y
seizing my arm ; ' it awaits another oc.
cupant ! '
' Madam, you certainly do not intend
to"
' Arc you ready ? ' sho interrupted,
impatiently holding the handkerchief tu
my eyes. Tho thought flashed across
my mind that sho intended to push mo
into tho vault, and bury mo and my sc.
crct together. Sho seemed to read the
suspicion and remarked: 'Do not be
alarmed. Jou aro not the man ! '
I could not mistake the truth or the
fearful meaning of the remark, and T
shuddered as I bent my head to the
handkerchief. .My eyes were carefullv
bandaged as before, and I was led to the
cab, and thence driven homo by a more
circuitous route, if possible, than the
one by which we came. Arriving in
front ot tho house, the handkerchief
was removed, aud I stepped from lhe
vehicle. A purse of five hundred dol
lars was placed in my hand, and in it
moment the cab and its mysterious oc-
cupant were out of sight
1 entered the shop, and the nurse of
gold was the only evidence that I conl.l
summon in my bewilderment, that nil
that I had just done and witnessed was
not a dream.
A month'after'that, I saw tho ladv
and tho gentleman taken fromltho vault
ii i ? , . . 1 .
warning icisurciy along Montgomery
streot. I do not know, but I Irlieve ihc
sipping huthand awo7ce within the vault,
and hi honnx are there to this dan!
Tho wife is still a resident of San Fv.
CISCO.
r.lt'ET.-E.
What workman never funis to the
left ? A whccl-Kviyi'.
Thejwhole duty of mau is frequently
only to please himself.
Women guilty of the fully of tight,
lacing, dress to kill.
Tho Height of Absurdity. A vege
tarian attending a cattle show.
Why is a horso like the letter O ?
Because G makes it go.
Why is a French franc of no va'u j
compared with an American dollar ?
Because it is worth.'as.
Why is a man in search of a philoso
pher's stone like Neptune? Became
he is a sceJcinj what don't exist.
Tennyson speaksvf ' the angel of the
rainbow.' The angel must be au arch
angel. There is a bankruptcy even in tha
natural world, Tho day breaks and the
light l'ails.
Why is a sieve-cloth ot a flour mill
like a balky horse ? Bccauso it bills
the coarse.
It has been asked when rainfalls,
does it get up again ? Of course it.
does, in ft-u timc.
Why is tho fly ono of tho tallef t ial
sects ? Becauso ho Btanda over six
feet without shoes or stockings.
Tho American Gardener saya that a
hen ' will sit upon an oval brickbat as
readily as an egg." Sho must in such a
case fancy hersolf a brick layer.
Why may a foolish fellow reckon on
the sympathy of a hatter ? Because
hatter has always felt for u fellow ia
want of a head piece.