Spain ought to be considered pretty
good authority now on submarine
boats. .
Many of the tragedies of war pale
before the tribulations and despairing
experiences of the peaceful Klondike
gold seekers.
The London Statist, a paper of the
highest authority on "financial subjects,
forecasts the American business fu
ture as one of unbounded prosperity.
That Edgar Allan Poe can boast in
Bussia many more admirers and friends
thau he can claim in America, is the
curious statement of M Constantino
Balmout, a Russian writer.
It is stated that the merchandise
carried by rail in the United States is
double the amount of land carriage
of all the other nations of the earth
combined. This means that the 70,-
000,000 people of the United States
transport twice as much merchandise
as the remaining 1,400,000,000 of
mankind.
Sew York is far ahead of all the
other states in the amount of money
in savings banks, its banks holding
on the first day of this year $718,176,-'
BS9. Massachusetts follows, with
453,220,257, and then comes Connec
ticut, with $149,496,550, and Califor
nia, with $127,929,281. The figures
of savings deposits of all the New
England states speaks volumes for
Yankee industry, economy and thrift.
Thus, the minute state of Rhode Is
land has $68,683,698; Maine, $57,476,-
896; New Hampshire, $49,493,056,
and Vermont, $32,600,627.
The record of the torpedoboat
Porter is remarkable. Although not
intended for sea service, she was kept
at sea for three mouths and weathered
the storms with the best of them. Al
though not intended for long range
fighting, she to«k part in the bom;
bar.lment of Sau Juan de Porfco Rico.
But if her record marks the utmost of
achievement of torjredoboat efficiency
it also marks the limitations of this
arm of the service. On neither side
has the torpedoboat done any harm to
the enemy, and a single, well-directed
shot at the Porter would have dis
posed of her as effectively as the
Spanish torpedoboat destroyers were
disposed of off Santiago, before they
could get within double their torpedo
range of our ships.
So far Southern manufacturers of
cotton have been mainly confined to
the coarser yarns and ruder fabrics,
but in this they have made astonish
ingly rapid progress. To take the ex
ample of a single state, North Caro
lina had in ISB6 eighty cotton mills;
in 1897 it had 1010. In the first
named year it had 4071 looms, with
199,433 spindles; in the latter, 24,517
looms and 1,044,385 spindles. Some
of the other cotton-growing states are
not far behind, and with abundant
water-power, cheap coal and oxtreme
ly cheap labor the development of the
business there is certain to continue
and to display results as sui prising as
the last decade has shown. By and
by the mills there will be able to do
finer work, and some time who
knows ? they may control the mar
kets of the world with their home
grown and home-woven fabrics, thinks
the New York Tribune.
One result of the war with Spain
will be to enhance the value of Amer
ican citizenship in the eyes of the
worid, predicts the New York Mail
and Express. Hereafter the American
flag and the American citizen will be
respected abroad as they have never
been before. Among all but the
best educated and most traveled
classes we have always had the repu
tation of being a nation of shopkeep
ers, shrewd, boastful, vulgar, but of
little account outside of commercial
transactions. They know better now.
The extraordinary, almost miraculous,
successes of our navy riveted the e,yes
of the world in admiration or in fear.
The rapidity with which we have
evolved an army of a quarter million
of men from a state of nnprepared
ness has also impressed the nations,
while the brave, fierce fighting of our
raw lories before Santiago has been
officially reported to every great pow
er of Europe iu words of unstinted
praise. With the of the terri
ble effectiveness of our army and
navy have gone also the reports of the
ease with which a great government
loan has been placed in sums less
thau SSOOO, with five times the
amount of the desired loan offered,
but uot accepted. More than all, the
nations have been impressed with our
magnanimity and the generous treat
ment of our prisoners. The Ameri
can citizen **ll hereafter, when trav
eling abroad, be treated with a degree
of courtesy and reepeot that be t*»*
never known before.
Dewey has called for 60,000 pounds
of soap. A new hardship of foi
the Filipinos!
The bonded debtof Hawaii,Jnne 30,
1897, was 33,337,000. In addition
there was due to depositors in posta'
savings bnuks $782,000.
The Texas State Horticultural
society has catalogued 201 varie
ties of peaches grown in the Lone
Star state and has given a distinct
name to every one of them.
About $2,000,000 worth of nuts,
oranges, raisius and wines have been
hitherto imported annually from Spain.
The trade this year will be supplied
by the people of California and Florida.
South America is still the chief
source of the supply of rubber, but
the development of the exports of that
article from the Congo iudicate that
in future Africa may be depended
upon to furnish a large quantity. In
1893 the customhouse authorities of
the Belgian Congo noted the exporta
tion of 532,742 pounds of rubber; in
1897 the exports had increased to
3,665,548. At this rate of increas«
the Para district of Brazil will soon
have its exports matched by the new
rival.
The long-advertised German com
mercial war has baguu, and it takes
the form of an invasion. A company
of German steel manufacturers hai
concluded that the best way to com
pete with us is to baoome one of ns,
and has began the construction of a
great plant near Chicago. For it-a
sake we hope the Kaiser will not shut
its product out of Germany. We can
stand this sort of a war splendidly,
says the New York Tribune. A great i
many Germans have invaded this :
country before now, and wo like them.
More than half of the early heroes
of America are represented in the navj !
today. There are fonr generations o)
Selfridges, one Bainbridge,a Stevens,
a Preble, a Truxtun, three Porters,
three Perrys, six liodgerses, and in j
looking over the list of American naval 1
officers farther back it is surprising i
to observe how many of them bear fa- '
moua naval names by inheritance. J
The service appears to be a congenial
one, though it is comparatively one \
of the poorest pakl among the naval j
powers of the world. Heroism is ev- j
idently its own reward, since sons ore
ambitious to follow their fathers, and
are indeed encouraged by the lattei
to enter the service.
It will require a thousand millions
of dollars to measure the increase in
the farmers' receipts for last year's
produce over the values that prevailed
in 1895. The total return for staple
crops alone for this season is estimated
at $100,000,000 more than was re
ceived last year. The wheat exported
from the United States during the
past twelve months sold for about as
much as the whole crop was worth in
either 1893, -1894 or 1895. These sta
tistics tell the story of the farmer's
share of the prosperity of our great
est commercial year. As a result of
investigations covering the entire
Union and running back as far as 1893
the Orange Judd Farmer forecasts
"an industrial activity quite unpar
alleled, with quick markets at home
and abroad for the surplus of American
farms."
The Manufacturer of London, Eng.,
comments on the exports' of carriages
and cars from the United States to the
United Kingdom, which in 1897,
was valued at more than twice
as much as in 1887. The M an ~
ufacturer states that one of the
reasons of this increase is that
the United States have a fundamental
advantage iu their spleudid supply of
lumber, aud that American manufac
turers have also the advantage of the
brains of every nationality of Europe.
"In their workshops," the journal
continues, "may be seen smiths from
France aud Sweden, trimmers from
Germany, carvers from Italy, and gen
eral artisans from England. The
wages are said to be treble those paid
abroad. Americans are famed for
their wheel making, in which they
employ second growth hickory." The
article quoted also states that there are
already several London depots for the
sale of American-made vehicles, and
there is plenty of trade for American
manufacturers, but the needs aud
tastes if the people must, of course,
be taken into account. A couple of
years ago a firm of American carriage
makers shipped 1800 carriages to Ger»
many '*in the white," L e., ready for
painting, and all in one year. What
is possible in Germany, adds the
Manufacturer, is equally so in other
European countries, even more in
Englaud, where there are no tariff hin
drances.
THE ROUGH RIDERS.
Prom where the chaparrals uplift But now, unchecked, the cattle whirl
O'er Texan sea of grass; In headlong, wild stampede ;
From Arizona canoned rift, And Beauty's banner may unfurl '
And Colorado pass; In vain. We give no heed.
From Boston elm and clnsslo ihade, We've changed the ranch and city charms
And Gotham masque and ball, For Cuban thatch and palm.
We've gathered, by one motive swayed— The jarring roll of hostile urms
Bough Biders are we all. Our pasan is and psalm.
We ken the ways of man and beast— In strangely differing clime and place
We've faced the prairie Death, t Our names and paths appear.
We've watched the buzzards at their feast, For many a college knows our face,
We've felt the Norther's breath: And many a branded steer.
We know the realms of belles and beaux But, lo ! one blood you lln'd us. when
And Fashion's gay command— There sounds Columbia's call.
Our view lies from Delmonico's We spring to answer it. like men—
Clear to the Bio Orande. Bough Biders are wo all.
—Edwin L. Sabin, in Puck.
MY ESCAPE. 1
4 AN ADVENTURE IN THE PHILIPPINES. P*
fVw-W WWVWVWTWWWWVWWVVVW^
As "Semana Santa," or Holy Week,
had arrived, with the prospect of sev
oral holidays in succession, the Anglo-
American residents of Manila had de
serted the city. They went out to
live in the surrounding country,partly
for pleasure and partly because no ve
hicle would be allowed in the streets
during two days of the week, so that
anyone remaining in town would be
virtually a prisoner in his house or at
the club.
Some of the migrants had gone up
the Pasig river to the lake at its
ource and some to explore the wou
ierful caves in the great southern vol
canic range; but I, with half a dozen
others, had chartered a big steam
launch, loaded her with a camping
outfit and native servants aud steamed
across the bay and up the coast. We
were going to the wild north country
of Luzon in search of deer and wild
f>ig-
We landed with our paraphernalia
on the beach* at our destination; or
dered the launch to return on the fol
lowing Monday and began to shift for
ourselves in a country as wild as it was
when Magellan and Bilboa cruised
among the islands. It swarmed with
little Negritos, or aboriginal natives
; whom the Spanish conquerors have
vainly tried for three centuries to sub
due and civilize.
These Negritos wander about the
vast forests in small bands, sleeping
! one night under a few propped-up
boughs and the next, perhaps, among
; the limestone rocks and caves of the
shore. Their language consists of a
few bird-like chirps aud whistles,
i Their weapons are bows and arrows
i and qneer swords or knives, which
: they cau wield with terrible effect.
They are cowardly aud trea-herons
i to the last degree. We had beeu es-
I pecially warned against wandering
! singly in the jungle, for a solitary
j hunter would be apt to find himself
suddenly bristling with arrows, shot
j from behind every tree and rock
j around him. "This," said the grave
i old half-breed huntsman, who had
given us these particulars, "would be
excessively disagreeable for your
graces"—and our graces agreed with
the opinion.
We accordingly took exceeding
£ood care to keep together during the
iirst two or three days, but as no
ligns of blacks appeared we became
'.ess careful and occasionally made iu
lividual expeditions along the sho' e
: sr into the forest in quest of jungle
| fowl or other small gan.e.
Now a species of huge lizard—the
; Iguana inhabits the rocks of the ,
Islands, and I was very anxious to se
sure a specimen. So one afternoon I
started off with a rifle to stroll along
the shore toward a mass of jagged
rocks where tho beach ended. There
t gTeat bluff rose gradually from the
woods, terminating in a mighty spur
high in the air and far out at sea.
I soon discovered that I was accom- j
panie Iby Pete,a small fox-terrier, who 1
belonged to one of the men and had
been brought with us for some un
known reason, for so far he had beeu
nothing better than a general nuisance.
However, as Pete aud I were good j
friends, he trotted along beside me
antil we arrived at the rocks.
I had littlehopeof finding an iguana
there and was wondering whether it
was worth while togo any farther
when Pete gave a yelp and dashed
forward. In a moment more I saw a
big iguaua flashing in and out among
the rocks like lightning, with Pete
scrambling and dipping in pursuit.
As it was hopeless to try a shot while
the lizard was dodging about Iran
after Pete, shouting to him.
But Pete,a perverse brute at all times,
having now an exciting and unique ad
venture in prospect, scrambled obsti
nately on, until lie and the iguana
both disappeared in tho low bushes
and grass that covered the base of the
cliff.
Having fought my way through
these, with wrath in my heart against
the dog,l emerged beyond and saw the
great lizard gliding up the side of the
bluff on a zigzag path probably made
by the black men. Pete, a very bad
second, was pluckily toiling after the
same.
I tired a despairing shot and missed,
but the bullet must have "gipped"
pretty close to Pete's head. He
stopped—probably glad of an excuse
to do so—looked back inquiringly and
then obligingly waited for me to come
up, while the iguana vanished aloft.
I felt angry enough to have wrung the
dog's neck, but restrained myself and
after administering a cuff or two told
him emphatically togo home.
He only went back a few steps, then
sat down defiantly and cocked one ear
at me in a derisive and exasperating
manner. When I went on again he
came gaily trotting after, ready to
dash past me should more iguanas
heave in sight. Then I threw a stick
at him, which he promptly chased,
captured and brought back to me.
Finally I made a leash of my neck
tie and handkerchief and thus re
strained hie ardor while I climbed up
the rough ami steep path. I was de
termined to get the iguana if possible.
We wound our way among big rocks
and clumps of bushes and at last
reached the top, a few yards from the
great spur. Here the bluff was some
twelve yards across. As it sloped
gradually back toward the mainland
it grew wider and was covered only
with stiff, dry grass, till its base wa3
lost in the forest.
The iguana had made good use of
his time and wa* uot in sight, so I
sat down on the summit to cool off
and relieved my feelings by inventing
approriate phrases and applying them
to Pete. Then 1 glanced around at
the view, which was superb, with the
sun setting in indescribable glory
over the calm China sea.
In the glow I could see a steamer,
which I knew must be the mail-steamer
from Hongkong, probably bringing
me letters and Easter remembrances
from friends in far-away America.
Suddenly the dog jumped up and said
"Woof!" I muzzled him with one
hand and reached for the rifle with
the other, with visions of igaa-.ias be
fore me, but none appeared. Pete
wriggled himself loose and "woofed"
again, cocking his ears toward the for
est at the base of the bluff. I turned
my head and listened.
Now I could faintly hear the thump
ing roll of galloping horses, mingled
with the crashing of breaking bush.
As I stood up and staved a pony ap
peared, bursting out of the jungle,
followed by another and still another.
Almost before I realized what they
were,full 20 of them hud come tearing
out of the woods and were charging
up the slope toward me.
In the forest wander hordes of these
native ponies, discarded as old or use
less by their owners, who, as a rule,
are too indolent to dispose of them
otherwise. We had eucountered
th'-m while hunting, but I had never
seen so many together and was won
dering what could have caused such a
stampede when, just as the last one
appeared,l saw a small,black, monkey
like creature dash out after him, fol
lowed by a score of others,driving the
terrified animals up the hill with shrill
whistles and shrieks.
"Negritos!" I thought, remember
ing what we had been told about their
sometimes driving a crowd of these
wandering ponies over some precipice
to be killed ou the rocks below and
thus afford their pursuers an unctuous
feast of horse-flesh for many days.
This was evidently what the black men
were doing now.
I saw that the ponies would quickly
arrive at the top and carry me over
with them if something was not done
promptly; so I seized Pete by the
scruff of his neck and ran for the head
of the side path by which I had come
up; but I was just too late; the fren
zied mob of scarecrows was almost
upon me before I could get there.
In desperation I waved the rifle
aloft with one hand and poor Pete
with the other, mingling a wild shout
with Pete's expostulating yells. So
strange an apparition, combined with
the sounds from the dog,had the effect
of causingmany of t'.ie drove of ponies
to swerve past me, and I heard them
go slidiugaud crashing down the other
side of the bluff, while others turned
sharply and ran down the path. One
of these, however, lost his footing in
turning so suddenly and fell head
long.
He rolled over so quickly that I had
no time to get out of the way, and he
struck me squarely ou the ankles.
Pete flow one way and the rifle
another as I pitched forward on top
of the kicking brute. We fell just at
| the head of the path,blocking the way
for the last three or four ponies, who
halted trembling and snorting.
As I scrambled up I caught a
glimpse of the Negritos, who had
stopped at the sight of me and were
gazing in amazement, calling to each
other with short, sharp whistles.
Their great lie.uls,covered with masses
of frizzly hair, out of all proportion
to their dwarfed, naked bodies, gave
them a most uncanny aspect, like a
crowd of gnomes. I felt as if I were
the hero of some fairy tale in the
power of goblins, and for an instant I
experienced the same horrid, creeping
sensation that one i'eels at the tirst
shudder of an earthquake.
Every moment I expected a cloud of
arrows to come whizzing about me,
and I remember wondering whether
! they would be barbed or smooth; but
the tierce little black men seemed too
astonished to do anything but stand
like statues and whistle. Yet it was
certain that they would soon let fly
their deadly arrows. ?» some instinct
I grasped the pony's short,rough mane
as he struggled to his feet and fol
lowed alongside the animal as he
headed down the path, keeping his
shoulders aud forelegs between my
self and the blacks. Pete had picked
himself up and was close at my heels.
As we disappeared a perfect storm
of whistles pierced the air. The
ponies behind,frightened afresh, came
j crowding against my protector, who
lashed out viciously and started to
run down the narrow path. Seeing
there was danger of being crowded
over the edge, I swung on his back,
; holding tight to his mane, and let him
take his own course.
Fortunately for me the little beast,
although abnormally bony and mangy
in appearance, had retained his eye
sight and the wonderful sure-footed
ness that all Philippine ponies pos
sess. He was evidently accustomed
to a rider, for he picked his way down
the rough passage at a sliding sort of
trot, closely followed by the other
ponies aud Pete, who must have been
having a precarious time of it among
equine legs and iioofs.
Far ahead I could hear the clatter
ing of the ponies that had gone down
tirst,while over all else were the weird
squeaks and piping of the savages.
They must have been in close pursuit,
but unable either to pass the rear
; ponies or to get a shot at me on ac
| count of the windings of the path. I
: crouched low and hold ou with all my
might, expecting at every step to feel
the blow of some barbarous missile.
Before I realized where we were I
found the pony crashing through the
bushes at the base, and we came on
the rocks where I had first sighted the
iguana. The rocks proved too much
| for my gallant but ancient steed, for
; when half-way across he slipped and
: pitched me off. I rose, uninjured,
i just in time to grasp his niaue afresh
: and run along beside him.
The leading ponies were well ahead,
; and as they went pounding and thun
de -ing by the camp I saw the fellows
, who were lying about on the beach
jump up and get out of the way.
j Wild was their amazement to see me
! tearing along the beach with ten-foot
j strides, hanging onto the mane of a
bony and terrified horse, followed by
; several more "caballos" equally spec
' tral in appearance. The villainous
| fox-terrier scudded along in rear of
the procession, telling everybody what
! jolly fun he had been having. I let
1 go the pony and tumbled into the
crowd, answering their frantic de
! mauds for an explanation by pointiug
j to the bluff and gasping "Negritos!"
The boys jumped for their guns,but
there was no need of warlike prepara
tion, for the savages had stopped just
j outside of the bushes on seeing the
group. After gazing a moment they
1 turned and disappeared one by one,
while the last of the ponies plunged
into the woods at the other end of the
beach and was lost to sight.
All that night wo heard the little
black men signaling to each other
around the camp, but saw them no
; more. The next day we climbed the
bluff in a body and found my rifle safe
and sound.
On the way back, by great good
luck, I shot an iguaua four feet long,
which I had stuffed in Manila and af
terward sent home by a sailing vessel.
Its delivery, some -four months later,
1 by a horrified expressman at my fam
ily's home in a peaceful Boston sub
urb created a scene of consternation
fully justified by its appearance.-
| Charles B. Howard, in Youth's Com
panion.
QUAINT AND CURIOUS*
A petrified oak has lately been dug
up in Cheshire, Eng. It is said to be
at least 10,000 years old.
Previous to the setting up of a clock
at Hampton Court, England, in 1540,
no English clock went accurately.
It is a very common sight, in the
streets of Paris, Fiance, to see baby
carriages which are propelled by elec
tricity.
A curious fact has been noted by
Arctic travelers. Snow, when at a very
| low temperature, absorbs moisture
and dries garments.
It is a strange fact that injuries to
I the tongue, whether of man or animal,
| heal more quickly than those of any
. other part of the system.
Large numbers of flintlock guns six
| feet long sre made in Birmingham,
j Eng., at 81.50 each, and many of these
I weapons find a ready market in Dark-
I est Africa.
There are several varieties of fish
' that cannot swim. In every iustance
j they are deep-sea dwellers, and crawl
j about the rocks, using their taile
aud fins as legs,
i Skates* made of hardened glass, in
| various colors, are now made in Eng
land. It is said that they make it
easier to get over rough places than ia
the case with steel skates.
| The oldest piece of wrought iron in
; existence is 'believed to be a roughly
! fashioned sickle blade found in Egypt.
! It is now in the British Museum, and
it is believed to be nearly 4000 years
old.
According to a New Yorker who
recently returned from Rome a prom
inent Italian newspaper gravely an
• nounced that General George Wash*
I ington would take command of the
American army in Cuba.
Thin bamboo tubes are fastened to
carrier pigeons in China, to protect
; them from birds of prey. When the
I bird is in motion, the airtion of the
| air through the tubes causes a whist
! ling sound, which alarms predaceous
, birds, and keeps them at a respectful
! distance.
A Water Motist.-r.
Recen ly the largest whalebacls ves
sel ever constructed was launched at
West Superior, Wis. It is 430 feet
long and is one of the largest freight
carriers in the world. Tho "whale
back" is a comparatively new type of
boat, built expressly to ride easily in
rough seas. The main part or steel
hull of the vessel is shaped like a fat
cigar, and with a concave upper por
tion ovei*which the waves may dash
without causing inconvenience. As a
result the whaleback steamer can plow
through heavy seas that would seri
ously interfere with the progress of
an ajdinarj vessel.
HE DID HIS BEST.
One O'Neal, my next-door neighbor,
Irish burn, but Yankee bred,
Has the U. 8. fever in him
From his shoe soles to his head.
And though barred from lighting, being
Crippled by an accident,
To excess of patriot ardor
He unceasingly is bent.
Ho lias cheered our Cuban struggle
With enthusiastic vim,
Not a hero has arisen
But has won a i-hout from him;
On his heart lie has recorded
Name of every gallant sou
That in cause of dear Old Glory
Has the crown of valor won.
Dnily he would sound their praisoa
To the ever-listening wind,
'Till a chance to make ills homage
More enduring he did ilud;
Destiny a eon did bring him.
Him he named with ardent zeal-^
Dewey Lee Schley Hobson Sampson
Bagley Capron Ulue O'Neal.
—Richmond (Va.) Dispatch.
HUMOROUS.
Eings—That girl has a beauty spot
3n her face. Bungs—Sort of oasis,
isn't it?
Fosdick—Tenspot thinks that lie is
Due of the big guns. Keedick— He is
one of the smooth bores.
He—lf I should embrace you would
you call for help? She—lf you real
ly thought you needed it.
Prospective Litigant—You give le
jal advice here, don't you? Lawyer
(absent-mindedly) No, we sell it.
He (indignantly)—l hope I know
my own mind. She (sweetly)— Yes!
i'ou surely ought to know as much as
that!
"Who was the best advertised sea
:aptainV" "Why, Noah. His meth
ad of advertising flooded the coun
try."
Bill—Did you ever try any of
Small's twenty-tive cent dinners? Jill
—YeB; I ate three of them today at
noun.
"Does your husband say grace at
the table?" "No; be returns thanks
for safe preservation from the last
meal."
Sergeant—The enemy flies! Cap
tain i'hut won't do them any good;
'jur army is mostly made up of expert
wing-shots.
Lodginghouse Clerk Bed with
bath, fifteen cents. Watkins —I guess
I'd rather pay a little more an' not
take the bath.
Little Barbara, on seeing a dish of
lemon jelly place 1 on the table, ex
claimed: "Oh, mamma, see how ner
vous that jelly is!"
"Doctor, whyjdo yon advise me to
do so much walking in hot weather?"
"I thought if you saved car fare yon
might pay it on my bills."
Friend—Are you superstitious? Do
j'ou believe in signs? Successfnl
Merchant—No; newspaper advertise
ments are better—and cheaper.
"Of course," observed the thin
cyclist, "water won't run up hill."
"Well," replied the fat cyclist, who
was still pulling and blowing, "1 dun't
blame it."
She—l like this place immensely
since they have had the new French
?hef. He (weak in hL> French but
generous to a fault) —Waitah, bring
chef for two.
Amiable Professor (to his servant)
—For three weeks I have reminded
j-ou every day to buy me a notebook.
Henceforth I shall remind you of it
only once a week.
Miss DeFa-diiou—You are wauted
at the telephone. Mrs. DeFashion—
Oh, dear! 1 presume it's Mrs. De-
Style to return mv telephone call. I
hope she won't talk long.
Juuior Partner —Do you think the
new office-boy is trustworthy? Senior
Partner —I'm sure of it. I've noticed
that when he hasn't anything to do tis»
never pretends to be busy.
"This check is wrong. My beef is
down for fifty cents, when the bill of
fare says forty." "You ordered it
rare, sir." "Well, what if I did?"
"You've got to pay for rarefies, sir."
Jill —You puckered up your lips so
then that I thought yon were going
to kiss me. Jack—No, I got some
sand in my mouth. Jill—Well, for
heaven's sake swallow it! You need
it in your system.
Miss Cordelia Summers (upon pres
entation of some flowers by young
pupils)— Yes, children, this is my
birthday. You see lam getting old
—very, very old! Children (enthusi
astically)— Yes, ma'am.
"That," said Maud, as the distin
guished stranger entered the room,
"is the Victoria Cross." "Is it?" in
quired Mamie in a tone of great in
terest. "How many century runs
must you make to get one?"
linw I-irn'oln Saved Thirty Dollar*.
Still another Rtory of Lincoln, illus
trating his respect for his wife's judg
ment: While Lincoln was practising
law in Springtield, the lire-hose com
pany, desiring to buy some new appa
ratus, sent out subscription papers,
and our youthful collector called upon
the future president. He was closely
examine! on the purpose of the sub
scription, and finally Lincoln agreed
to subscribe in this fashion: "\\ell,
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go
home to' supper—Mrs. Lincoln is
generally good-natured after suppe* —
and then I'll tell her I've been think
ing of giving 850 to the brigade, and
she'll say: 'Abe, you will never have
any sense? Twenty dollars is qnite
enough.' So tomorrow, my boy, you
come around and get your $20."
An Antomntlc Restaurant.
A French journal announces that
Ike inventive genius of the American
has produced an automatic restaurant.
The food is all spread on a counter in
courses, and the customer is seated on
a sort of strap which, worked by steam,
moves hiin along from oourse to
course.