I
HENRY A. PARSONS, Jr., Editor and Publisher- NITj DESPE11ANDUM. ' Two Oollars oer Annum.
VOL. XI. KIDGWAY, ELK COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 1881. NO. 8.
The Captain's Sweetheart,
" Only last night y b'i'P enmo in,
Yet .Train it seemed cro I could seek
Tour side, mid my to you the word-,
That I bo long have lunged to apeak.
Fof I am captain now, anil thought
, To-ilay to win you fur my bride;
Hut would I'd ne'er net foot on shore!
Would on the ocean I had diedl"
With kindling eye and crimsoned cheek
IHh words of bitterness she heard,
Tlien tightly claxped her littlo hands,
Dut never spoke a single word. I
''Your lovely eyes were dim with tear j
When last 1 Marled for the Bea; j
Ion knew I loved von, and 1 dreamed I
Poor trusting fool- you eared for me. j
Each night your name was in my prayeH,
Your picture on my heart hath lain; '
Once nioro I'll press my ll ' it,
Then you may have It back again.".
He kissed it thrice, nnd held it forth
With trembling hand. She raised her head,
And in his fnci Raited steadily,
Hut net a siiAfle word she said.
"To think that yon should wed for gold,
Hell your sweet lace for sparkling gems i
Love's sunshine, girl, would brighter make
Your curls than precious diadems,
And Faith and Truth would bring you flowers
Where Pomp and 1'i ido but weeds can bow;
But since you've made your choice, farewell !"
And with a sigh he turned to go.
A smile dawned on her pretty mouth;
Mio shook her pretty golden curls.
"Way, Italph. Who told this tale," she asKod
"Of gold and diamonds and pearls?"
"One who should know your brother Tom
I in' t him as I reached your door.
1 What if you've gained your ship,' he mocked,
And lost your Nell fur evermore?
Old Skipper Brown's been courting her,
And he has stores of gems and gold;
And wedding bells may gayly ring
Before the year is six months old.' "
Ibr smile grew brighter, and at last
Into a mu'iy laugh she burst.
" 'Twas wi.-ke 1. llalpli, of Tom; but then
He's but a b 'V. 'Tis April first."
''Ail-1. ?'' " No, of course not: how could I
W!. ' ' You l'.ve rat ':" Yon say I do.'
'Ar. 1 a'.l the time I've been away?"
"Tue u ii tli star lias not been more true."
"A:il you will wed me when the sweet
Wild ro...-!., love, begin to blow?"
"S-i iju':'' sho si id. "'Tis ages, dear."
" W. t'a.n, if y,,a w;n have it so."
'Anl from this time may April first
Be ushered in with cloudless sky,
And all the April fools,"' he cried,
"Be just as glad and blessed as 1 1"
llarprr'a 'tkly.
Tho Interrupted Wedding.
All tho Colorado hills were meltinc
in the opal dimness of ihe soft Octobi i
hazo, through which, among thrpinc.
aspen groves shown like yellow fiamef .
Day by day the wine-colored fronds o:
the sumach were scattered by the winds.
The air in its mingled brightness and
vigor rekindled that pure joy ol
living whoso loss the effeminate world
bewails to-day. But it also reminded the
miner that it. was time to bank his cabin
or leave for the valley a thing he was
likely to do earlier than usual this year
on account of threatened Indian
troubles. It likewise set Mrs. Kent to
making preparations for her only
daughter's wedding. Out there wed
dings do not occur every day, nor are
they generally of great importance
when they do. This, however, was a
special affair. Mrs. Kent having been
widowed by on accident some years be
fore, had proved herself a brisk, capable
woman, had opened a stopping place on
tho way to tl mines, and made it
with Maudy'.- jelp so clean, so home
like and popular that sho was in a fair
way to become a capitalist. She owned
on claims named more or less openly
after herself or her daughter; sho had
more than one present by which to re
member grateful guests'; she had her
regular profits and her privileged posi
tion. It could not bo expected that such a
state of things would long endure with
out some, matrimonial catastrophe,
though both were adored with that
general affection which is not very
dangerous in its results. Maudy's choice
had at last fallen on a young ranchman
well started in life, but no groat favorite
of Mrs. Kent's. Site would have wel
comed Prince Arthur if he had came to
ake away her right hand, but, seeing
there was no help for it, she determined
to give, in honor of the occasion, the
grand "spread" of which only such a
housekeeper was capable.
The poor, hearty, generous miners !
All the delicacies of Dcluionico's cannot
so please the cloyed appetites of his
patrons as the prospect of a wholesome
" square meal does them. They were
invited cordially where indeed, would
Mrs. Kent have been without them?
She had her two hired girls tidy to the
utmost, the tidy dining-room that had
welcomed such various figures, from the
" tony " capitalist and his tonier hire
ling to the last dead-broke adventurer.
Under her directions caldrons of oysters,
(stacks of ham, bountiful cakes and
coffee were prepared to invigorate the
guests who, mostly masculine, might be
depressed by the coming ceremony.
At tho very moment, however, when
the minister was ready to unite George
Dickerson and Amanda Kent in holy
bonds, the young lady proved her
womanly qualities by an engaging fit of
hesitation. She didn't know as she
wanted to get married at alL In vain
her girl friends soothed the sobbing
bride-elect, and urged her not to disap
point every one. She only retorted, half
angrily: ;' Just wait till you go to get
married and see jf it isn t serious.'
Finding that they could neither reason
nor joke her out of her whim, they left
the field to her lover, whose protesta
tions finally induced her to dry her tears,
and consent to their union.
The patient preacher had just opened
proceedings in the orthodox mauner
when a galloping horse, the Western
signal of disaster, Was heard without.
A moment after a red-headed youth burst
in the door, but no one resented his
want of manners as tho new arrival
gasped:
' '"The Arapahoes is is a-comin'.
Hundreds of 'em, I saw 'cm and run."
"Where? How fast? How many?"
wcro the questions hailed on the un
responding herald, who, pitching on
horseback, was out of sight in a twink
ling. Of course it was a fine chance to make
a piece of border history; to die in do
fenso of the ladies, and the dinner lmt
no one happened to see it in that light.
Miner?, so far from loving bloodshed,
are, in their daily lives, the most order
loving peoplo in the world. Danger
does not frighten them, but many had -no
firearm?, many had little ones back
East to bo left helpless. The house
was a wooden one, ten miles from town,
mint for lack of amnnnition to stand a
siege at all. So, to the immenso relief
of the women, they resolved to evacnato
the premises, or to use old Hnnds' ex
pression, determined " to get out o' this
as quick as the Lord'll lot yon."
llelter, tikelter, not without a fierce
regret for the lost provisions, they
mounted nnd rode oil". Mrs. Kent's
light wagon was filled. George and
Maudy were to ride behind, when the
girl suddenly requested him to wait a
moment. George, white as ashes, de
murred, lint rIio was resolute, declaring
that she would go back alone if ho did
not wait. Whilo she ran upstairs, ho
remained by the gate, shaking in every
limb os he looked at the low hills to the
east. The last of the fugitives had dis
appeared, still sho did not come. He
pushed back his crisp black locks im
patiently. "Maudy, Maudee," ho called,
rather faintly, then turned, and, in a
vcritablo paroxysm of terror, dropped
her pony's rein and hurried away to
ward town.
In fivo minutes Maudy Kent camo
down, a dark cloak thrown over her
light dress. Nothing living was to be
seen except her pony and the chickens,
who pecked nway as tranquilly as if
chicken was deadly poison to the sav
ages. ' Ttvr gray clouds, coming up
fxm tLs west, had already covered half
the sky. With a feeling of bitter and
indignant disappointment she tried to
catch her pony. The skittish beast re
treated up a steep gulch; she followed
it a little di tance, then looking back,
her heart sickened as she saw coming
up from tho plain a swarm of Indian
ponies. She ran up tho ravine to a lit
tle cabin put there long ago for calves,
drew out and examined the cause of her
delav, a handsome dagger she hud played
with as a child, and crouched in tho dark
est corner of her retreat, her heart beat
ing till sho was almost blind, her nerves
strung to tho highest pitch of excite
ment and terror.
rr.
If you do tot know what an Indian
scare is, it is useless to describe it. No
civilized understanding can conceive the
horror of dealing with a foe apparently
is subtle and as cruel as the evil one
iiiinself. If you are acquainted with the
West you will be able to picture to yonr
elf the consternation produced by the
startling news. Brick houses were in
great demand. Women gathered up their
young ones and fled to fireproof shel
ters. A lady possessed of twins dropped
one of these innocents in her rapid
career, and it was found kicking and
squalling on the street corner by a
gentleman who at first was sorely
puzzled to know ,what to do with it.
Provisions were collected, arms ex
amined, dispatches sent, and the local
printers set up terrible headings for the
bulletins, around which gathered loud
talking and gesticulating men, even
when tho clouds dissolved in drops of
cold rain os the day wore on.
Mrs. Kent began to feel uneasy about
Maudy's non-appearance. She left her
friend's house and questioned the men
she met, but without success. At length
sho saw Georgo sitting on a dry goods
box, with his hat pulled over his face.
' W here s Maudy, George V she cried.
"Why doesn't she come up to Mrs.
Blake's?"
He slowly raised his dull eyes to hers
as he answered, thickly: " She stayed be
hind. I couldn't wait vou know."
Mrs. Kent turned awav, feeling hor
ribly dizzy. She saw that tho coward
had been indulging too extensivelv in
" treats," and forbore to waste the full
ness of her wrath upon him. Sho had
taken but a few steps when she met old
Jeff Sands, a gray-headed Samson, who,
with his twosons, owned and worked a
promising mine in Gopher Gulch
"ut-
told him the state of the case.
" Th e deuce I" he gasped, thought
fully. It was the only opinion he could give
on the spur of the moment, and stronger
language than he had ever before used
in Mrs. Kent's hearing. For, be it
known, that old Sands thought the
ground she walked on sanctified thereby,
and she, oh, wicked little widow, was
not totally unconscious of the fact.
" Hang me if I wouldn't like to shake
that fellow out of his skin !" he muttered, ,
Bavogely.
"But oh, Mr. Sands, what can we
do?" she exclaimed.
" Do ? " he exclaimed. " Why, get a
posse and go for the red frauds as tight
as we can lick. It's queer they ain't in
sight already," ho reflected. "But,
I'spose like as not they're trying to kill
'emselves on your oyster soup. I wish
we'd thought to put strychnine in it."
Poor Mrs. Kent was quite beyond
making or taking interest in plans. She
went away, leaving to Jeff Sands such a
Eieture of distraction that he felt capa
lo of wiping every Arupahoe, man,
woman, or child, off the face of the
earth. He went to the postoflice and
set forth in a few strong words that he
wanted a body of men to go to Maudy
Kent's rescue. They were on file. Thev
were ready to follow Captain Sands to
the Norm role, if necessary.
Hands, unanimously made captain.
would not wait a moment. So they all
started out, not, I fear.lin the strictest
military order; but military order has
not ever proved appal ing to savaeres.
Night soon came upon them, blinding
sleet and rain drove across their track.
and they were obliged tinder penalty of
losing their way to camp in the stock
yard of a deserted ranch. Chill, damp
and piercing blew the wind from the
gray hills; fires refused to light. All
the romance of the thing oozed away
through the shifting straw of their ini-
provised counterpanes. Still more
cheerless was the dawn, breaking feebly
through omnipresent clouds, anil
bringing with if. extremely scanty and
undesirable article of brrakfost.
It was with dismay that their leader
perceived that his men were getting
into the fighting humor, and if he did
not soon show them Indians to fight
would probably end by lighting him.
Some of the rear members of tho undis
ciplined brigade quietly deserted at con
venient points, while the rest rode sulk
ily over mud and stone. A Westerner,
unless ubsoluto destitute, never walks.
n.
It is now time to return to tho for
saken mansion. At the very moment that
Jeff Sands was addressing an excited
crowd, Maudy Kent Mas shivering in
mortal dread, and wondering if sho
would have strength enough to strike
when the lime came a party of white
peoplo wilhin were indeed testing the
soup and discussing the roast, chickens
with tho hearty enjoyment only possible
to a disturbed state of society.
If a timid voice protested at the free
and easy banquet, some instantly vowed
to set it all right. Hadn't they money
to pay for what they took ? W'liut busi
ness hud people to leave the houso open
and the (able set if (hey didn't want (o
be hospitable? They had come to (lie
place, a large body of campers, driving
lioforo them a herd of ponies, lo seek
shelter during the coming storm for n
woman with a weakly child, rinding a
deserted feast, the bolder spirits) guess
ed the truth, and treating the matter os
a huge joke, coolly helped themselves,
inviting all to participate in Ihe fun. Ju
spite of considerable hesitation they
did so, unable to resist the temptation
of stolen fruit, livery moment (lie
nervoitH women expected to see the
rightful owners put in on appearance,
every moment, they raised fresh scru
ples, finally Marling a cheerful theory
of poison, as if (hey hail some occult
knowledge ol Jell Hands mumble re
gret. This suspicion, vanished when not
indorsed by any fearful signs of internal
convulsion on (he part of (ho revelers,
but it did not leave theso Western Cas
simdras silent. When the big lires hud
sunk to coals, and the men wcro exiled
to find promiscuous resting-places in
sheds, under wagons, or where they list,
they formed in doubtful conclave.
Perhaps tho people of the house were
robbers who had enticed them all into
(heir power. They had read of such
things. What if they were already
hopelessly entangled in some border
mystery? It was too like an enchanted
house for these' simple-minded folk to
feel quite easy in it. If its owners had
fled from Indians was tho danger not as
great for them ? Oh ! these men, these
men, they never would take anything
seriously. With their travel-stained
garments, their weather-beaten faces
and weary eyes, these women gathered
around the dying embers. Looking
into one another's dim-seen faces they
told ghost stories till neither dare
glance behind her; told of Indians till
their hair stiffened upward and in every
corner the shadows capered through
fantastic war dances.
The sleet still fell at intervals; the
women, tired of talking, at length set
tled into a dozy condition, through
which they could hear the supernatural
squabbles of the mice and the occasional
tattling of the windows, without being
exciuueit iroin indulgence in more or
less frightful dreams.
I would like to say that the men en
dured similar torments, but truth is
stranger than fiction, and with one or
two cantious exceptions, they jested
themselves into the slumbers of the
light-hearted, even snoring ; graceless
wretches, the only comfortable sleepers
within a radus of twelve miles.
IV.
Slowly, silently, the gray arms of
dawn waved aside tho curtains from the
awakening world. Shrill notes aroused
the hen-roosts : from eaves, bushes and
glass blades the sleet of the night before
dropped into discouraged little pools,
On the hill tops the flaming spears of
morning tipped the beaded pine boughs
wit ii rosy diamonds, men the royal
light of day broke over them all, in
danger and out ot it. Little children
iliiirri'niT r i hoil TiinMmva ami lnnm'n r
I fol. heaven as a place where there were
no TndinnH ! wpavv editors iinlialiiiinr ntT
, - i o w '-
sanguinary items, determined spirits
bound on vengeance ; women in fearful
uneasiness all the cheering and cheer
less phases of life on the border.
The men at the ranch, while attending
to their horses, were startled by the ap
parition of a mounted crowd whom they
at nrst mistooK lor Indians, then for
desperadoes, but soou recognized as
more terrible than either the frontiers
men angry.
Hiding up to the gate, their leader
demanded in no gentle fashion the
meaning of this occupation and the per
sonality of the intruders. His manner
did not suit hishearers. " Cuss words"
came readier than explanations, weap
ons were cocked, one unguarded move
ment would have been the feignal lor a
bloody contest. The women looked
down from the windows, some of them
sending up silent pravers. One of the
campers stepped forward calmly. The
softest-spoken, quietest man in the parti-.
He greeted the grizzled and scowl
ing giant before him with a deprecating
smile.
" Sir," he apologized, " we are will
ing to pay for all we have consumed."
" Hang your money. Wo don't want
it Where's the girl?"
"The girl I" repeated the puzzled
mild man, "I assure you we would
ne.er have intruded but for the fact that
a lady with us had a sick child, and"
" What's that to us V Where's Miss
Kent, I say?" ,
" Excuse me, sir, but there was no
person here when we came. W7as there,
boys ?"
Not a living thing !" was the answer.
Some of the party inclined to tho belief
that the opposite force were Mormons,
on me track oi a runaway.
Sands looked up at the windows,
down at the ground, over the white tops
of the wagons.
"Look here," he said; 'this thing's
enough to make a man swear his sal-
votion away. We heard tho Indians was
comin, an' cleared. Miss Kent.somehow,
got missed, and was left behind. Here
we come under tho cmistitui ton rf th
United Stato-1, to send them redskins to
blazes, and get back the girl. Wo find
white men using other folks' things,
making 'emselves at home, and not so
much as a trace of Miss Kent. Your
story's queer, to say, the least. Now we
ain't to bo bought, nor yet scared off.
Tell us whore tho girl is, or give up your
shoot in' irons, and go with us to town.
That settles it."
"Old man," shouted a voice, con
temptuously, "what do yon take ns
for?"
The women turned white; there was
an instant of breathless silence. Neither
parly wanted to give up, neither cared
to open lire, and each believed his
opponent to bo a villain. Suddenly a
little girl in tho window gave a cry and
pointed. There was Maudy Kent run
ning toward (hem, her hair flying, her
whole face radiant. Near the crowd she
fullered, (ill sho got a good view of
Captain Sands. She ran up beside his
horse, and caught her old friend's large,
rough hand. " I'm so glad (o sen you I"
she cried, "so glad I Where's mamma?"
The women craned their necks. The
men edged forward or leaned over (he
fence, (he very mules projected their
enormous ears, and the true situation
Hushed upon every tnind. Simultan
eously nu immense dionm of laughter
awoke (he echoes. Tlio mules brayed
eiiiuloiisl v, and even thh pomes whinnied
a lilllo ns the more iveiluliln ridel's
almost rolled from I heir bucks in trans
ports of merriment. The worse the scare
hud been the greater the revulsion of
feeling, and Maudy laughed with the
rest.
Well, ill (he lanr'tifign of chivalry,
Glory laid snide his helmet mid Peace
look the (lour.
" Come and lake breakfast with U'4,"
said Ihe most delhi.nl camper. "We'll
give you what's left I" Tho invitation
was iiceciiloil, and over coffee, fried ba
con and hot bi'ictiil, the late warriors ex
changed friendly explanations. The
women ipienl ioneil Mainly curiously,
ami menially eniieir.oil the tasluoii ol
her earrings. All the discomfort was
smoothed owny. The scare, it seems,
had arisen fnun a hilly youth's excite
ment at sight of ii herd of ponies, when
his ears were full of Indian rumors.
The troubles along the border de
creased with the cold weal her, but Mrs.
Kent I beg vonr pardon, I mean the
lain Mrs. Kent no longer keeps a stop
ping place, though she has not lost that
kindly feeding t iwnrd the miners notice
able in most of mouilaiu women. One,
however, is all she makes provision for,
in tho ordinary course of her domestic
arrangements.
Captain Sands has been heard to de
fend even the red-haired author of the
scare from the unmerciful jeers of his
companions, but on that subject ho is
considered an unfair judge. As to
Maudy, I can only state her interrupted
wedding was never completed. She
did not want to see George again, nor
did that gentleman show any desire for
her society. The matter was dropped
by mutual consent, and before a great
while she married one of tli3 very party
that had given her such a night of terroi
as sho hoped never to bo called on to
live over ugain. Sjirinijiuld Hejtuliliatn.
Power or the Plug Hat.
The plug hat is virtually a sort of
social guarantee for the preservation of
peace and order. He who puts on one
lias given a hostage to the community
for his good behavior. Tho wearer of a
plug hat most move with a certain se
dateness and propriety. Ho cannot run,
or jump, or romp, or get into a fight,
except at the peril of his headgear. All
tho hidden influences of the bearer tend
toward respectability. lie who wears
one is obliged to keep the rest of his
body iu trim, that there may be no in
congruity between head and body. He
is apt to become thoughtful through
the necessity of watching the sky when
ever he goes out. The chances are that
ho will buy on umbrella, which is an
other guarantee for good behavior, and
tho care of hat and umbrella perpetual
and exacting as it must be adds to the
sweetness of his diameter. The mau
who wears a plug hat takes naturally to
the society ol women, with all its ele
vating tendencies. He cannot go hunt
ing or fishing without abandoning his
beloved hat, but m the modern enjoy.
inent of croquet and lawn-tennis ho may
sport his beaver with impunity. In
other words, the constant use of a plug
hat makes a man composed in manner,
quiet and gentlemanly in conduct and
the companion of ladies. The inevitable
result is prosperity, marriage and
church membership.
Bungs.
The bung is a homely device, lacking
altogether tho symmetry of an obelisk
and having little even of tho grace
which corks often possess. But wher
ever liquids are contained in casks or
barrels there must the bung be also.
It is almost impossible to estimate
the quantity of bungs made and used
annually, but the number is well up in
tho millions. They are mado of wood
well-seasoned, and are cut by machinery
which is patented. In no country are
so many bungs made as in the United
States, for nowhere else are the woods
which are used so plentiful. Oak, hick
ory, spruce and pine are among the
varieties utilized, and the bung facto
ries are scattered about the country in
tho neighborhoods where the woods
used are found. By cutting the bungs
bofore shipping the cost of transporting
the waste material is saved. A great
many bungs for beer casks are sent both
to Germany and England from this
country,. not because they are better,
but because they are cheaper than those
made abroad. Bungs are cut oy pecu
liar and ingenious machinery, which
works against the grain of the wood,
tapering the bung with the grain. In
many cases the taper is made but slight
iu tho cutting, and then the bung is
submitted to a powerful compression to
increase the taier
The outside fiber of the coooanut is
now used for shoe-heels, and is said to
bo a good substitute for leather.
Florida Oranges.
The orange culture in Florida
amonntcd to little or nothing before the
war. Northern industry and methods
have found their way into the State since,
and gave this cultivation a remarkable
impetus. Ten years ago even the
product amounted to but little. Now it
brings millions to the State, and its in
crease for the next ten years can hardly
be estimated. General Cameron was
taken recently by ex-Senator Yulee. a
friend and former associate, who repre
sented Florida in the Senate thirty-five
years ago, to seo the largest orange
grove in the world. This was the first
time they had met since Mr. Yulee left
tho Senate for the South in 1861, and
the renewal of the friendship between
the two has been ono of the pleasing
incidents of the stay in Florida. Colonel
Duffy and myself were invited to ac
company the porty, and did so. Long
boforo we reached the great grove to
ward which wo were tending there were
patches of orango trees to be seen on
every side, many of them with the
golden fruit still hanging to the
branches. Beautiful flowers bloomed
in the black muck, and early vegetables
wcro just springing up. A little later
the (rain dropped us in the midst of
75,0(10 orango trees, covering over 400
acres of ground. A perfect wilderness
of orange trees, apparently not culti
vated with care, certainly not planted
regularly, but just as nature had sown
the wild seed. The wild lnxurianco of
nut tiro had, however, been curbed
by man, who in pursuit of wealth had
turned vinegar into honey, and by graft
ing on the sour trees the finer sweet va
rieties, had snatched from the wilderness
an income of over 8-M),000 a year,
General Cameron rambled with us over
tho place, oil of ns plucking tho golden
fruit, ad lib., and imagining ourselves iu
(lie veritable Garden of l.den earth,
air and sky, soft, balmy and ethereal,
combining to lix the illusion and were
only brought back to a realization that
we were fifty miles from our hotel by an
exclamation from ono o( the party
"By Jove, we're lost!" This fact soon
became apparent to us all, and just think
of it you who are bound by bands of
thii-k-rildieil ice lost m on orango
grove in Florida! General Cameron
enjoyed the joke, and busied himself
eating the fruit plucked with his own
hands. Many of tho trees were laden
with fruit of immense size and beautiful
color, although much of the crop had
been gathered One of the tempting
sights in the grove was the
grape fruit, of great size and beautiful
lemon color. It is said to bo the forbidden
fruit of tho Garden of Eden. It is use
less, except to look r.t and for preserving,
although it is eaten by some. It has a
sour, iusip'd taste. Lemons of immense
size, growing upon small trees, now and
Mien tottcd the orchard. After an hour
spent in looking over the grove we, one
by one, found our way back to the pack-
ng-house, where the superintendent
told us that 13,000 boxes of oranges had
been shipped this season from one-half
of (he grove over which we had been
rambling ; that means 1,800,000 oranges,
for which tho owner had been oflered
$35,000 while the fruit was on the trees
" How many years does it take for an
orange grove to come into bearing?" 1
asked the superintendent. "Eight
years from the seed, and about five
years if grafted or budded on to the
wild fruit. That is, I mean to say they
will bear in eight years from the seed,
and in five years from the graft. They
constantly grow better and bear more
oranges every year. No man can tell
how long the tree will be useful cer
tainly more than 100 years."
Mr. Fairbanks, the historian of Flor
ida and an eminent authority upon the
orange, says that, an average tree will
boar, season m and out, 700 oranges,
and that where they are grown from the
seed or transplanted regularly, about
sixty trees to the acre would. lie a fair
average. Theso sixty trees in a fair
season would yield -12,000 oranges,
worth at the grove $840. This is a cold,
reliable estimato of what an ordinary
orange grove will do; many will do
more, and still more will do less, but
$840 worth of fruit upon an acre of
ground will strike the Northern fanner
as being decidedly profitable. Boston
llrahl.
A Dwarf Who Wears a Man's Hat.
John McConnell is the name of the
smallest man iu the coal region and one
of the smallest men in the world. Un
like many other small men, he is only
noticeably small in the matter of height.
His head, the breadth of chest and size of
waist are those of a fully developed man.
To see Mr. McConnell take a seat on an
ordinary chair would bring a smile to a
bronze statue of grief. He climbs upon
it like a three-year-old, and when once
seated his feet dangle six inches from
the floor. He has a pleasant and intelligent-looking
face, which he keeps closely
shaved. He will bo thirty-two years of
ago on the twenty-fourth of June, and
stopped growing a good many years ago.
He was born in Vermont, and came to
tho coal regions of Pennsylvania nine
years ago. He wears a 71-8 hat and
measures thirty-six inches around tho
chest. His arm measures sixteen inchea
from tho shoulder to the tip of his
middle finger. His legs measure eight
tgen inches in length. Ho wears a No. 2
boot. He stands three feet eleven and
a half inches with his boots on and
weighs eighty-six pounds. Pottxcille
Pa.) Journal.
The Calculation or Interest.
A well-known actuary, has devised a
very simple and easily remembered rule
for determining how long it will take a
given sum of money to double itself at
a certain rate of interest. Divide the
rate of interest into seventy-two and
the quotient will be the number of
years to within a small fraction. Thus,
at four per cent, interest, the answer is
eighteen years, which is only one-quarter
of a year too great, the exact time being
about seventeen and three-quarter years.
For six per cent., it may be said to be
exact. This is a good rule for editors and
other large capitalists to remember.
The New Xork
Commercial expects
that when Bowel' dies his legs will be
buried in wes nun iter Abbey.
CURIOUS FACTS.
A tree bearing thirty bnshi Is of apples
is really sustaining half a ten of wat.tr,
for water constitutes about eighty-five
per cent, of apples.
A brick of gold measuring twelve by
seven by four inches is worth al out
875,000. Such a brick represents one
month s product of one of the hydraulic
mines of California.
The rings noticed in tho wood of a
tree cut across have been considered an
index of the age of the tree counting
one ring for each vear. but this does
not hold in all species. A treo eighteen
years old has shown, when cut, thirty
six distinct rings.
Nerve impulses are conducted along
the nerves very slowly in comparison to
me speed oi electricity along a copper
wire. The latter travels sixteen million
times as fast as a nerve impulse, and yet
the nerve impulse travels with the speed
of the fastest railroad train.
There is no tide perceptible in tho Mis
sissippi river after you have passed up
about thirty miles from its mouth, and
the tide only rises from one and a half
to two feet at Balizo. The number of
tributaries (the Ohio, Missouri and so
on) which help to flood tho Mississippi
and swell its volume of water, gives it
that downward current which over
comes every resisting influence, even
the tidal.
Catgut, it is stated, was used in the
earlier watches in place of chains, the
latter, it would seem, being first at
tached to such mechanisms in the gold
en egg or acorn-shaped watches of Hans
Johns, of Konigsberg. Some of this
maker's timekeepers had small wheel
lock pistols to serve as an alarm, an
addition that would go far to upset tho
equable temperament and delicate sus
ceptibilities of a modern chronometer.
Female Smugglers.
A New York paper says: Sho walked
off tho steamer Germanic on to the
dock with dignity and au evident con
sciousness that she knew what sho was
about. She wore a silk mantle, whose
bottom was tucked in. This haviivi'
been pulled down a largo quantity of
valuable black lace a foot deep was
found to be tacked on the garments with
stitches eight inches long. Tho woman
boldly claimed that the lace was for her
personal use, and that she had a right to
sew it and wear it in any manner she
pleased. " There being no means of
disproving her statement she was re
leased. (Now hear the twitter of sat
isfaction among the ladies, that for once
tlioso odious custom-house ruffians have
been outwitted But see what followed.)
A moment later two women quit the
steamer, whoso apparel also attracted
tne captains attention, and ho gave
them in charge of the lnspoctre.ss. One
wore a new silk dress that did not fit
her around the waist by four inches, anil
the other, under her ulster, had on a
magnificent silk cloak trimmed all over
wi'h beads, and reaching to the ground
They abused Captain Adams in the
most voluble manner, and threatened
him with all sorts of disasters for put
fing such an indignity upon them. At
length, when the elder paused an in
stant to catch her breath, the captain
took advantage of the opportunity to
ask whether she would candidly answer
a question or two. deceiving an alhrm
ative response, the following colloquy
took place:
" Are vou a dressmaker ?"
" I am."
"Do you intend to offer thosefcOods
you are wearing lor sale ? '
" I do, if I can get a customer for I
them,"
"Did you put them on with the in- !
j tention of evading payment of duties?"
"ldul. But i havo been instructed
that I have a right to bring in free of
duty anything I can wear."
Captain Adams said that there was a
difference of opinion on that point, and
j informed the deputy surveyor present of
his discovery. The women were told
that the goods were liable to seizure,
and they then offered to pay the duties.
This was agreed to, and an appraiser
was sent for. When the silk cloak was
being removed by the inspectress. for
his examination, she noticed that it was
unusually heavy, and asked the reason.
! One of the women replied that it was
made so for purposes of warmth, but on
closer investigation the inspectress dis
covered evidences of " tacking," and in
a few moments, by the rupture of a
few stitches, had resolved the apparently
single cloak into two, both equal in
costliness and beauty. The women paid
the amount demanded, which was 8120,
without another word.
A Woman's Foot Blown Off by Light
niug.
A woman named Galligan, who re
sides in Castle Grove, Iowa, was struck
by lightning while engaged in her
houshold duties about the cooking
stove. The electric fluid seems to have
struck the chimney, tearing and setting
on fire the end of the house, demolish
ing the stove and striking. Mrs. Galli
gan's foot, tore it to pieces and then
escaped through tho door. The fupt
was mutilated and shattered as though
blown to pieces by dynamite or some
other terrible explosive. The heel of
ono of her shots was driven hidf through
the floor. The most singular feature of
tho allair is that Mrs. Galligan was not
stunned or shocked by the stroke, and
with great presence of mind drag
ged herself to a tub of water, extin
guished the flames, and then crawled to
the door and summoned her hufbvnd.
V doctor was sent for without delay, and
amputated the foot just above the ankle
foiut.
Travelers in Egypt are surprised at tfie
large amount of opthalmia and blind
ness prevalent among the inhabitants.
Want of cleanliness is the cause. An
Egyptian mother, under the influence
of a widely prevalent superstition, does
not wash her child's eyes until eight days
after birth. By that time the organ is
frequently ruined. The teachers in the
American and British mission schools of
Cairo say that Egyptian mothers become
invariably angry "when urged to wash
1 the eyes of their newly-born infants,
and can rarely be persuaded to comply
with a request of the kind.
Mysterious Disappearance.
'Come little pet,"the old birdiud,
In most endearing term,
' You must be e irly out of bel
If you would cstch the worm."
The smallest of the feathery herd
A puny little thing
Outeprang the tender baby-bird,
To grab for worms and sing.
And lo I Bbe found an early worm
It was a monster, too
She chirped: " Oh you may writhe and squirm
But I will gobble you 1"
That birdling'8 chirp, the rest affirm,
Was never uftcr heard,
And it's surmised it was tho worm
That caught tho early bird.
HUMOR OF THE DAT.
A crying evil A cross baby.
A backward spring gnirps,
Tho scale of good-breeding B nat
ural.
A poor relation Telling an anecdote
badly.
A fish would be real nice it aidn t
drink.
What word is always pronounced
wrong, even by the best scholars?
Wrong.
Some ladies are so fond of dress that
they have their meals served on fashion
plates.
Ewe, go to grass, as Mary said to her
little lamb when sho sent it out to get
its meals.
It's easy enough, after you get your
hand in," was the reply of the criminal
with the fetters on his wrist.
WTien steamboat passengers talk too
much to the captain he can always find
relief by shouting: " Man over-bored 1"
Picayune.
Tho moral of " Josh Billings' " suc
cess is a very bad one lor boys, is
shows how much money can be made
by bad spelling.
We have seen spring bonnets with
sixteen full-blown poppies on them.
The young ladies' poppies have to pay
dearly for them.
The young man who would scorn the
idea of being a farmer is the very one who
is apt to be on expert in sowing " wild
oats." Meriden Hecrder.
" Is that mule tame ?" asked a farmer
of an American dealer in domestic
quadrupeds. ' " He's tame enough in
front," answered the dealer.
Josh Billings says that " a good doc
tor is a gentleman to whom we may pay
three dollars a visit for advising us to
eat less and exercise more."
It is said that a long upper lip indi
cates a certain degree of good nature.
But the less lip, the better nature on
the part of the unwilling listener.
"Yes," said the schoolgirl, who had
risen from tho lowest to the highest
position in her class, "I shall have a
horseshoe for my symbol, as it denotes
having come from the footl"
A stranger in St. Louis, thinking he
recognized his coat on the back of a pe
destrian, shouted: "Stop Thief!" and
about thirty of the inhabitants suddenly
disappeared down a side street.
Child at table devours gluttonously
her fnod. Mother, with gentle reproof
" Well, what does baby say to kind
nnrsey that brings her oil these good
things ?" Babv, with her month full
"More."
It has been estimated (hat the
common fly moves its wings 330 times
per second, and 10,800 times per minute.
The calculation was m de by a bald-
headed man, one day last August Jeo
A'ork jVflir.i
It runs thuswise: " There came to our
cabin ono morning in spring, a sweet
little robin. Ho came there to sing, but
tho cat was attentive, and watched from
afar till the robin, all heedless, was
killed like a czar." Derrick:
A Milwankeo girl, suffering from
lockjaw, was left alone with a mouse
by a shrewd physician, and she con
grived to open her mouth enough to
tive a yell that made tho crockery in
the china closet rattle.
In the year 1880 America issued sev
enty patents to women. And not one of
these was an indicator to be attached to
a bedpost to show if there is a man
under the Vied. And yet think how
much getting down on hands and knees
such a thing would save women. Bos
ton Past.
It is not pleasant to have the barber's,
apprentice practicing upon you, lay
open your cheek with a two-inch gash,
and then follow tho cut with the cheery
remark, " Skin's very tender, sir." It
is not pleasant. We don't know what it
is, but it isn't pleasant. Burliwjto
Hawkeye.
Died While Laughing.
A singular and fatal accident occurred
at Jackson, Miss., recently. Mr. W.
Bailey, chancery clerk of Madison
county, in company with Mr. T. Wharton,
of Jackson, was eating diunerat a restau
rant. During the meal, while engaged
iu friendly and sociable conversation,
allusion was made to the strange and
sad fate that befel the late Walter
Brooks, of Yicksburg, who was choked
to death by eating au oyster. Mr. Whar
ton said something further, which dis
tracted Mr. Bailey's attention and
caused him to laugh, and, a fow second
after, it was noticed that the latter gen
tleman appeared very sick, and was
gasping for breath, Mr, Wharton and
others immediately attempted to relieve
him by carrying him to the door and
slapping him on the back, but without
avail. Physicians were sent for, but
before they arrived Mr. Bailey was dead,
and it was beyond the power of medical
skill to revive lain, ne had inadvert
ently swallowed a piece of beef, which
became lodged in his throat and choked
hi'u to death
There are on Long Island forty ilsh
culturists. Some of them breed trout
for the market, and others let fish
privileges to sportsmen in the season.
Seth Green says that an acre of good
water can be made to produce twico as
much food as an acre of land.
7