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HENRY A. PARSONS, Jr., Editor and Publisher NIL DESPEItANDTJM. Two Dollars per Annum.
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'VOL. V. RIDGAVAY,ELKOIJNTY, THURSDAY, SETTOMBEU1g7 1875. NO. 30.
Weeded.
Some quick and bitter words we said,
And then we parted. How the sun
Swam through a sullen tea of gray !
A chill fell on the summer day.
Life's best and happiest hours were done i
Friendship was dead.
How proud we went our separate ways,
And spake no word and made no moan
She braided tip her flowing hair,
That I had alwys called so fair,
As though she scorned my loving tone,
My word of praise.
And I? T mntchrd her scorn with scorn.
I hated hi-r with ail my heart,
Until we chanced to meet one day t
She tnrned her protty head away ;
I .aw two pretty tear dro( s start,
Lo ! love was born.
Some fond, repenting word I mid,
She aueweied only with a sigh ;
But when I took her hand in mine
A radiant glory half diyiue
Flooded the earth and filled the sky.
Now we are wed, and never quarrel any more.
MRS. JOXES' ELOPEMENT.
Mr. Jones came Lome that afternoon
feeliug cross and tired. Business had
been dull, and the clerks had been pro
voking. When he fell out of sorts, as
he did that day, a nice supper and his
wife's company were the bent antidotes
he knew of, and ho hoped to have them
effect a cure in this case, as they often
had in other instances.
But Mrs. Jones was out, the girl said.
She had boon busy all the afternoon in
her room; she didn't know what she was
doing. About an hour ago she had put
on her bonnet and gone out, and had
charged her to tell her husband, when
he carno home, that she should not be
back until late in the evening. '" ' Gone
out on particular business,' she said,"
added Bridget.
"On particular business," growled
Jones. "I'd like to know what particu
lar business she has. I should say it
was a wife's business to stay at home.
Sho knew, of course, that I was coming
home completely tired out, but that
doesn't intorferewith her pleasure in the
least. Sho can enjoy herself just the
same probably all the more because I
am out of the way. I wish I knew where
she's gone."
He weht up to her room to see if she
had worn some of her best clothes.
"Because, if she has," reasoned Mr.
Jones, " she's gone off to have a good
tinio with some oue she cares more for
than she does for me."
Mr. Jones' brow was black as any
thunder cloud at the thought. He was
in precisely the right frame of mind to
niaite mountains out of mole-hills.
But she liudu't worn any of her new
messes.
" It can't bo she's going to a party,
then," concluded Mr. Jones, "or she'd
have rigged up more. It must be she's
going somewhere else and wants to keep
dark. It begins to look mysterious. A
woman don't generally go off in this way
without saying something to her hus
band, and wear her old clothes, without
its meaning something, I've observed,'
said Mr. Jones, solemnly, to the Mr,
Jones in the glass. "I'd like to know
what it all docs mean, anyhow."
It whs just at this juncture that Mr.
Jones discovered a letter ou Mrs. Jones'
writing desk. It was a freshly written
page, beginning :
" Dear Edwahd."
Mr. Jones' hair raised on end when
his engle eye caught the sight of that
name. Whut awful thing had he dis
covered ? Could it bo that his wife was
in the habit of writing letters to gentle
men ? Perhaps sho had gone out to
meet one now.
He read the letter through without
stopping to take breath from beginning
to end. .
It read as follows :
Deab Edwakd :
I have read your touching appeal over
and over, until every word of it is
stamped upon my heart. It has caused
me to right a terrible battle with myselt.
I love you, and there is no use for me to
deny it. I cannot deceive myself nor
you by so doing. But my duty is to
stay with n y husband. I loathe himI
despise him ; he is a tyrant but he is
my husband, and, as such, I suppose he
has a claim upon me in the eyes of the
world that you have not. But, my
darling, I love you, and I have come to
the conclusion to cast my lot with yours.
I will do as you wish me to. I will meet
you ut the ouk trea to night at ten
o'clock. I hope I shall
And here, at the bottom of the page,
the letter broke off very abruptly. The
other side of the page was blank.
" Great Jehosuphut !' That was the
awful word that broke Mr. Jones' lips
when he had finished readinc. Tt. wna
the nearest to swearing of any word he
luuiugen in. a ever he felt justified in
using it ho diil now. His face was a
sight to bUiold. It was full of anger,
aud surprise, and complete bewilder
ment. "She loves him, does she ?" he ejacu
lated, faintly. "And I'm a tyrant, am
I ? The wretched creature I She loathes
me, aud despises me, does she? I'll
show bet a thing or two. Let me see
ten o'clock, and I'll learn your Dear
Edward ' something he won't forget. I'll
go out this blessed minute and get a
couple of omcers, and we 11 wait for
you.' I fancy we'll surprise you a little.
Great Jehosophat 1 and she's actually
been deceiving me all the time, aud let
ting some other man talk love to her,
and coax her to elope with him I I can't
believe it, and yet I can't doubt it, for
here it is in her own handwriting. I
wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't
seen it in black aud white. Dear me I I
wonder if I con bear np under the awful
blow ? What will folks say f I shall be
ashamed to meet anybody. It's awful
awful 1" and Mr. Jones wiped his face
with his handkerchief and looked the
complete picture of grief.
Mr. Jones was so "struck all of a
heap," to use his own expression, by the
terrible intelligence that he didn't stop
to reason over the matter. He never
once thought that dear Edward "
couldn't by any possibility have received
this letter, since it hadn't been sent. He
only realized that she was going to meet
her lover at ten o'clock.
"I'll be t' --. my lady," said Mr.
Jones, siguiUwiit , ; atting on his over.
coat preparatory to setting out in searoh
of the proper officers. " I'll be there
and 1 11 give your Dear Edward
something he didn't bargain for. I'll
Dear Edward him I"
About nine o'clock Mr. Jones and
couple of officers came up the road
stealthily and Feereted themselves be
hind a clump of bushes near the place
whero the two main roadj crossed each
other.
" Now you mind what I say. "said Mr,
Jones. " I'll go for him, and you keep
out of the way till I'm done with him.
I'll make him wish he'd never thought
of such a thing as making love to other
men's wives, see if I don't. I'll pommel
him I '11 trounce him within an inch of
his life, the contemptible puppy!" and
Mr. Jones struck out right and left at
his visionary rival in a way that made
ine omcers titter.
They waited auA waited and kept
waiting. The tea o'clock train came in.
whistling shrilly. And still no sign of
either man or woman for whom they wore
waning.
Presently Mr. Jones bade them listen;
he hoard steps down tho road.
The night was dark, and they could
not see a rod off. But he was right in
thinking he heard steps. Some one was
coming.
"It's him, curse him," muttered Mr,
Jones. " Now you lay low, and mind
wnat i say. juon t come till! tell you to.
I dare say I shall half kill him, but you
Keep ou, ami l ll take the consequences
if I do kill him completely. Great Jeho-
1. -At T A . . 1 .
Mipuut i jusi yearn to get my nanus on
the wretch."
"He's close by now," whispered one
oi tno men.
" I see him," answered Mr. Jones, in
an awful whisper. " Here, hold my
hat. I'm going for him, and may the
Lord have mercy upon his soul !"
Accordingly, Mr. Jones "went for
him." He made a rush at the tall, black
ngure coming leisurely up the road. He
gave it a punch in the stomach with one
list, and another in the ribs with the
other fist, snorting like a wild bull. He
was too excited to talk intelligibly at
first. The unsuspecting recipient of
such extraordinary greeting seemed half
inclined to run at first, but, on second
thought, seemed to think better of it
and turned upon his assailant.
" Take that, and that, and that 1"
cried Mr. Jones, who had got so he
could utter words a trifle more coherent
ly by this time, dealing blows right aud
loft. " Bun away with ny wife, will
you ! You old villain, I'll learn you to
swoop roand the Jones family trying to
break it up. Take that and that ! and
oh, great Jehosophat !"
Mr. Jones' tune suddenly changed ;
the victim of a husband's righteous
wrath had brought his cane to bear upon
his foe and was doing good work with
it.
" Smith Dobson 1 help I help !"
shrieked Jones, as the cane fell upon his
head and shoulders in unmerciful blows.
" Murder 1 help 1"
The officers came to bis assistance, and
succeeded in securing the stranger.
"I'd like to know what this means?"
he demanded. " I supposed this neigh
borhood was respectable, but I should
think you've all gone crazy, or else
turned highway robbers."
" We'll let you know what it means,"
cried Jones. " I don't believe you will
want to run away with Samuel Jones'
wife again."
" la that you, Samuel Jones ?" asked
the prisoner. " I thought your voice
sounded kind of familiar before, but you
bellowed so I couldn't make it out. Are
you insane or idiotic or what ?"
" Lord bless me, if you ain't U-.cle
Joshua 1" said Mr. Jones, faintly. He
felt small enough just then to crawl
through a knot-hole. " I'm awful sorry
that this has happened, but I couldn t
help it. I didn't know it was you. You
see Amelia's fell in love with some fel
low and I came across a letter this after
noon that she had written to him, saying
she'd meet him here at ten o'clock, and
I got these men to help me and we
waited for hini, and I thought you were
the man 1"
" Fell in lovo with another man and
promised to meet him here at ten o'clock ?
Stuff and nonsense!" exclaimed Uncle
Joshua, indignantly. " You were al
ways the biggest fool ! You're crazy !"
" But I tell you I saw her own letter,"
exclaimed Mr. Jones. "I ain't crazy
now, but I shouldn't wonder if I was be
fore long."
" i ou ve lost all the sense you used to
have, and that wasn't enough to brag
of," said Uncle Joshua, rather uncom
plimentary. " Come along to the house
and we'll ask Amelia what it means."
Uncle Joshua led the way, with a pain
in his stomach, caused by Mr. Jones'
euergetic attempt to teach his supposed
rival not to meddle with the Jones
family, and Mr. Jones followed in his
vakewitha sore head and a very black
eye.
There was a light in the sitting room.
Mrs. Jones was there.
" See here, Amelia, exclaimed Uncle
Joshua, bursting in like a thunder storm,
" you're fool of a husband says you've
fell iu love with some one, and that you
wrote him a letter saying you'd meet
him at ten o'clock to-night and run
away with him, and he says he's seen
the letter. Now I don't believe a word
of it, but I d hko to have you explain,
if you can."
" I never wrote any such thing," de
clared Mrs. Jones, indignantly.
" You did I" exclaimed Mr. Jones.
"It's no use for you to lie about it,
Amelia. You've broke my heart, and
you did write that letter. I found it on
your desk, and here it is. It begins
Dear Edward."'
"Oh, I know all about it now," cried
Mrs. Jones, beginning to laugh. "O
dear me ! You see, Laura Wade and I
agreed to write a story, and I have got
mine half done, and went over to read it
to her this afternoon, and when I got
there I found that I'd lost a page of it.
I must havo left it on my desk. It was
about a woman who was going to elope
my story was and she wrote that she
would go with her lover, and then, when
she thought it all over, concluded to stay
at home and do her duty. The page that
was missing was tho one. that had tho
letter ou it that she wrote to her lover.
You found it, and thought I was going
to run away 1 O dear, I never heard of
anything so funny I O dear mel" and
Mrs. Jones laughed until the tears ran
(town her cfieeks,
"I can't see anything very funny
about it," said Mr. Jones, feeling rather
sheepish. "How was I to know you
were writing stones I ion ve no busi
ness to spend your tittle in that way."
" That's so, growled Uncle Joshua,
whose stomach began to feel sore and
bruised. " You're a fool for writing sto
ries, and Jones is a fool anyway I"
Which was poor consolation for Jones.
The story of the whole affair leaked out,
and he will never hear the last of Mrs.
Jones' elopement.
A Spnnky Sister.
The Boston Globe says : One of the
liveliest exemplifications of that veritable
old proverb, " when a woman will, she
"will, and when she won't, she won't," is
now furnished for the edification of the
people of Mount Pleasant. A middle
aged lady, by common consent accorded
the possession of a good shore of temper,
had for years dwelt in tolerable quiet
with hor brother, a man of twenty-eight
years. For her brother she ever mani
fested a sisterly affection, cautioning
him constantly against tho wiles of
womankind, .lint a short time ago her
sweet dream of peace was rudely broken.
The terrible tidings came that her
brother had married the daughter of the
landlord ; and straightway, after giving
her brother a lecture on the baseneps of
his conduct iu deserting her, she an
nounced her intention of not paying any
rent, since her brother ought to "stand"
her expenses, and should do so whether
he wanted to or not. This decision,
which was very strictly adhered to,
naturally caused a great deal of trouble
to the landlord. After trying for three
months, he was obliged to take legal
means to eject her, and proceeded to
place her, bag and baggage, ou the side
walk. But the irate lady was not so
easily disposed of. She made her
preparations to stay on tho sidewalk till
winter, if she couldn't get back to the
room. Her story was told to a crowd of
gazing bystanders, and her presence on
the sidewalk became almost unendurable
to the neighborhood. Some of the peo
ple in the vicinity offered her lodgings.
bhe not only refused this, but would not
take any food, remaining in her glory
on the street all night. tier self-im
posed fast was kept up, together with a
recital of her story during the morning,
and after dinner time, which she re
fused to notice in the customary way,
she was arrested on a warrant for ob
structing the sidewalk. The lady made
no objection to going with the officer to
the station, but reiterated with the
greatest emphasis her determination not
to eat and not to go anywhere voluntarily
except to the room from which she had
been ejected. The courteous captain at
Mount Pleasant station very politely
furnished his lodger with a nice supper.
She refused to eat, and persevered in
her determination to fast. As the
brother, of course, cannot undo the past
which has resulted entirely from the
folly of the woraau herself the conclu
sion of this episode of "woman s
wrongs," will be interesting.
The Prince of Peddler.
The following is a literal repetition of
the address of a man who is selling some
cough mixture up in tho Eleventh ward :
" Good morning, madam. Excnse me.
but I must show you something that you
woum not miss for a good ileal I it s m
that box (showing a small tin box). In
that box, madam, is life and health! It is
simplo but potent; cures colds, cures
everything ! You're a female womaii,
madam, and female women have sick
ness, ituow all about it. Been married
twice myself! Never sick? That's it!
That s just it ! You don't want to be
sick ! This compound will prevent it.
In that box is wigor ! Can t afford to
to buy such things ? That's it ! That's
the story everywhere! Now look at
me. I'm worth $100,000 to day! But
I ve got 815,000 worth of this stuff on
my hands, and I cau't trust ueents. All
thieves. Sez I to ma, sez I, 1 I'll just
put it on the market myself, I will.' An'
1 m doing it I Some folks can t buy such
things. Some can. Some cau savo :
some can't. Cost s me 810 a week to live :
can't help it. Rented a big house for
850 a month near here, but my wife
wouldn't come, because she's got all her
teeth out ana the new ones not in vet I
She's iu Peori, 111. She's coming on,
though. Aud, as I just remarked,
madam, you re a female woman, and
female women lias sicknesses. You
must have this medicine ! It's good for
colds! There's wigor in it .' Don't want
it? Strange! It's life ; its health ! Ah,
well! I'll call again. Good morning."
Didn't Waut to Leave.
There is a story told of a young lady
coming to New York on one of the Eng
lish steamers not Jong ago She had
been educated in Europe, and was re
turning to her relatives and friends after
an absence of six years. The voyage was
remarkably pleasant. Pleasant weather,
a smooth sea, thoughtful friends and
gallant gentlemen all combined to im
press most strongly upon the young lady
the pleasures and enjoyments of a trip
across the Atlantic in midsummer aboard
a paragon steamer. When the steamer
was comiug up to her dock at New York
the fair maiden was observed standing
on deck crying bitterly. And she told
them frankly that she cried because the
voyage was over ; because she was home;
because sho had to leave the ship, and
she didn't want to ! Such a girl ought
to marry a sailor.
Not So Bad.
While there are a good many people
out of work it would seem that in New
York State, at least, those who are em
ployed are able to by by money. The
statement of the New York savings banks
shows not only that these institutions
are iu a sound condition, holding twenty
millions more assets than they owe, but
what is of equal importance, the gain in
deposits in the six months since January
1 was over twelve millions of dollars and
the increase in the number of depositors
thirty-six thousand. This last feature is
especially gratifying, for it proves that
mo u poxm are in the main by people m
modi'iati) circumstances, and are really
(savings. The increase in deposits for
the six months is the largest since 1872.
It is an excellent and encouraging showing.
His Deaf Acquaintance.
We were coming down White street
this morning, when we overtook an old
gentleman iu a cart. The vehicle was
springless, and as it jolted over the
stones every revolution of the wheel was
a hail storm.
We nodded ti him, and he nodded
back. '
"A nice day," we suggested, in a
raised voice.
Hey ?" he screamed.
"A nice day," we roared.
" O, yes," he shouted. "A good corn
day. How's business pretty good ?"
"Very good," we answered.
"Hey V'
"Very good," we yelled.
" Glad to hear," he said, and then re
lapsed into silence, and we hurried on,
as people were showing altogether too
much interest in our efforts to be heard.
" What do you think of that feller
over in England who walks on the
water ?" he suddenly exploded.
We had to fall back with the pace of
the cart.
" He's a wonderful chap," we said, in
hopes that would satisfy him.
" Hey ?"
' He's a
wonderful chap," we yelled.
"So he is. How do you s'pose he
does it ?"
" He wears rubber clothes and a
hatchet," we suggested, at the top of
our voice.
"What kind of clothes ?"
People were raising their windows
now, and we were beginning to feel
desperate.
" Rubber," we roared.
"O, rubber, eh? and that keeps him
up, eh?"
"Yes."
"Hey?"
"Yes," we shrieked. '
" Yes, yes ? Yes what ?"
" You asked us if it was rubber that
kept him up, and we said yes," we ex
claimed, in a key of voice that brought
the merchants aud their customers out
on the walk, in spite of the rattle of the
cart.
"What's that? I didn't quite make
out," he shouted.
Then we went out on the roadway and
took the horse by the head and brought
the whole establishment to a standstill,
and then we explained just what we had
said.
Ah, I see. it's a wonderfnl thins."
he said, and then added: "It must have
been the cart comer over the stuns which
kept me from a hearin' of you ; but I
was afraid at first that you were sick and
couldn't speak up."
we are not of a particular demonstra
tive turn, but when we again notice an
acquaintance in a springless cart ou a
pavement we shall step down the first
cellar way and take a position back of a
barrel until he is out of sight. Dan
bury Neivs,
The Massachusetts Schoolinarm.
A writer in the Providence Journal
says : If theie is any one thing which can
add to the KORt of n. Silver Knrinnp itinnni.
. " - ' ' rji..Q V 1 ,, ,,
over ana aoove what Aiayneld provides,
it is me pleasure oi sitting opposite to a
iuossaeuuseiis scuooimarm. cue is not
" heftv nlwsieallv. hut, nor ova in nlnoi
and bright. ' You know at once that she
is a sensible girl, for her dress is plain
to be exact about it, a little prim ; she
has made up her mind to have a good
time, and, once for all, to fall in with the
odd ways of the Rhodo Islanders, and at
uuy rate to ue interested m anil to en
joy, if possible, a shore dinner. She
starts out with excellent intentions and
with, many good qualifications. She
certainly likes the novelty of the affair ;
she is hungry, and if there are not too
many Massachusetts folks about, not
fastidious. But after all she is in a di
lemma. Like a shrewd girl, as she is,
she furtively glances at the nearest gen
uine Rhode Islanders she sees at the
table. She thinks she has got the hang
of it. We, the Rhode Islander, give her
au assuring glance, and manipulate a
dozen clams or so, that she may compre
hend the necessities of the case. Then
she "pitches in." She takes out a few
clams, ranges them around the edge of
her plate, talks a little, looks np to the
Rhode Islander, as we would say, "that's
the ticket," and when her clams are
stone cold she minces them up with her
knife and fork and swallows them. How
ha8 the Rhode Islander labored with that
maiden. With what pantominio art and
assiduity has he pointed to the boiling
melted butter ; almost choked himself
by the rapidity with which he has eaten
his clams, and all to no avail. The envi
ous table stood between them, and fifty
ears were within whisper reach. To
think that some Massachusetts fellow
was to pay seventy-five cents for that
girl's dinner, and she losing all the cream
of it, though sooth to say not her tem
per, which would have been excusable
enough, when the Rhode Islander, only
by changing places with the up-country
chap, might have bestowed much needed
and usefnl information, and ntiinvcwl V,;D
own dinner quite as well.
A Lesson for Both.
A Melbourne widower with something
of a family and a eoodlv bank &wmnt.
advertised for a wife over a fictitious
signature. Several answers were re
ceived, among which was one that par
ticularly pleased him. The chirography
was delicate and cracefnl. Hia laTiunn.ra
ckaHte, and the uignature, like his own
uuuuouH. Atter a unci anu mutually
agreeable correspondence, a time and
place were agreed upon for meetino. At.
the appointed hour the gentleman was
wuuiug in a private parior at a certain
fashionable hotel, and shortlv nftorwnr.l
a lady entered, thickly veiled. She came
in trembling, and did not venture to
look np until the voioeof the gentleman,
in respectful greeting, fell upon the ear,
at which she started convulsive!? raian.l
her eyes to the face of her swain, and
men uiierea a suppressea ory a cry the
tone of which struck upon the gentle
man's ear with a sound not uufainiliar.
He lifted the veil and looked upon the
scaredace of his own daughter, whom
he hail supposed industriously pursuing
her studies at a school in a town soma
distance westward fi 'ora Melbourne.
The young lady has since been installed
as housekeeper in the paternal mansion,
and her nana in nnt likelv tri nilvorfiiut
for wife again until this daughter is
married.
THE STORY OF A WAIF.
A Kamnntln Episode In ibe History of a
New York Asylum for Children.
These rows of little chairs in Mrs.
Webb's nursery, says a New York corre
spondent writing of the famous "Soot
land Yard," in that city, have to me a
fascinating interest. Hard, common
little chairs they are: but I know that.
hod they speech and intelligence, they
would have many a story to tell, many a
romance oi real me, begun in this room.
at least equal in interest to the wonder
ful romances of fiction. What stories
could be told of the waifs who, one time
or another, have sat in these little chairs;
or, who, one time or another, have slept
in tne snowy . mtie boas we eaten a
glimpse of through the half-open door
of the dormitory I Of the newly-born
infant, a fresh burden to the starving
Earents picked np by the passing po
cemen, half frozen in the snow, wrap
ped in a newspaper and nothing more
now grown up to be a strong mon or
woman I Of the sweet babe, born in
sin, hoartlessly deserted by its fashiona
ble mother, adopted and cared for by
Borne poor, unfashionable, big-hearted
mother who has learned to love it as her
own 1 Of such a child, perhaps, in after
years reclaimed by its legitimate mother,
unpolled by remorse, and, let us hope,
her better natnre ! Perhaps, of such a
child not reclaimed, but now grown up
to maidenhood, passing her days in a
public institution of charity, while the
mother lives in wealth and luxury, indif
ferent as to the existence of the child,
except inasmuch as the existence of the
child may lead to her own exposure ! It
being my purpose to close the presont
sketch with some fair example of the ro
mance that is to be found hi our New
York "Scotland Yard," and this last
case offering some of the best material
for that purpose, I do not know that I
can do better than to select it for my
illustration.
The heroine nowa comely, dark-eyed,
olive-complexioned, graceful girl of fif
teen when a baby, was given by a veiled
lady to a New York policeman, who re
ceived with the child a large sum of
money. The lady, who is the daughter
of a wealthy Staten Islander, had secret
ly married a Spaniard, a worthless fol
low her music teacher, I believe. By
the advice of her parents, who refused
to have anything to do with him, or with
her as long as she lived with him, . she
bribed hor husband to leave her and go
to Europe, where he died a little while
afterwards. During his absence the
child was born, but the fact was kept as
secret as the marriage of the mother,
and, outside of the immediate family,
so remains to this day the policeman
alone, it is said, knowing hor name.
Tho lady is married again, and has sev
eral children.
The policeman, on receiving the babe
and the money, resigned his position on
the force and went to Utica, where he
bought a cottage, and brought up the
child as his own. The girl soon showed
her disposition to be self-willed, wild
and impetuous. When but nine years
old, she became a reader of romances
that gave her a longing for adventure,
and a suspicion that she was not the po
liceman's child having entered her head,
she ransacked his desk in which he kept
his private papers, and found enough
there to satisfy her that she was right.
She demanded the name of her mother,
aud it being refused, she threatened to
go in search of her. The ex-policeinan
tried to pacify her by promising to toll
her idl one day, when she should be old
enough and discreet enough to know
now to act in the matter ; but the girl
was full of romantic ideas, and, putting
her threat into effect, ran away from the
cottage. She came -to New York, aud
applied, without success, for an engage
ment on the stage, and to Mr. Barnum
for a position as rider in his circus.
Then, being found destitute in the
streets, she was brought by an officer to
the police central office and given into
Mrs. Webb's care. Her reputed father
was telegraphed for by Superintendent
(then Inspector) Walling, and came on
to take her home, but she refused to go
with him, and upbraided hini bitterly
for withholding from her the name o'f
her mother. Mrs. Webb took charge of
her for several davs, trying, with but
little success, to induce her to be rea
sonable. After a while the girl seemed
to have been won by the matron's kiud
ness ; but it turned out that she was only
trying to got tho matron to relax her
watchfulness. One day Mrs. Webb took
her over the building, showing her,
among other tilings, the prison cells, in
one of which was confined, at the time,
oue of the Westchester masked burglars.
The foolish child, attracted by the rather
handsome face of tho robber, began a
secret correspondence with him, hiding
iu the sugar-bawl, that was sent him on,
his breakfast-tray from the matron's
room, little notes planning their flight
together from the police central office,
which ho duly answered through the
same mcilium. But Mrs. Webb, instead
of the young lady, happening to empty
the sugar-bowl one morning, found a
note from the burglar to the girl, the
discovery of which, of course, upset all
the plans of these strangely paired con
federates. The burglar was convicted, and is
now serving out a term of years in Sing
Sing. The young lady is an inmate of
the juvenile asylum near High Bridge,
where, by submission and good beha
vior, she is trying to win over tho ex
policeman to the fulfillment of his con
ditional promise to tell her the secret of
her birth.
At Work.
The New Orleans Picayune says that
" never before in the history of Louisi
ana have so many white men taken active
part in the practical details of agricul
ture, and it is at least a singular coinci
dence that seldom if ever before has there
been a crop so promising in all respects "
as that now on the ground. It concludes
that white men can endure field labor in
that climate.
Chabacter. Punch has the following
tern : " A notorious gentleman who
has been in jail is reported to
said that he had left prison, after having
served his sentence, without any stain
on his character. Very likely. Some
characters are of such a color that they
never show the dirt."
Detroit Free Press Currency.
Whtrever three or four thieves are
banded together there may yon find a
"rifle team. .
Only one more month in which to
hang over the gate and tell the story of
their Bad but lasting love.
''Thus far and no father" as the
child in the foundling hospital remarked
when he was five years old.
If the Cuban war lasts ten or fifteen
years longer people will begin to imagine
that there's really some sort of trouble
there.
A Wisconsin woman envies Queen
Victoria's position solely because she
could have as many as three new calico
dresses per week if she was a queen.
The editor of the Providence Press
wears a kid plaster on his bald head,
and the flies have " Resolved, that some
folks are born mean and can't help it."
I'ears and years after the Erie canal
has been filled np and planted to corn
some contractor will present a fraudu
lent claim probably for furnishing tho
tassels to the com.
Vermont is bragging of snow a foot
deep in some of the mountains, but such
talk should be stopped. It discourages
paper collar makers and doeBu't do the
woild at large rtny good.
New York is shocked at the idea of
sixteen persons living, eating and sleep
ing in a room 12x14. We should think
that some of the unfortunates would go
and buy a brown stone mansion.
Mexico has ji law which won't permit
a man with a wooden leg to marry unless
he informs the girl of the fact. And the
girl always responds: " You are ju?t as
dear to me as if you had fifteen wooden
legs."
Bridal Cooing at Niagara.
There is no place like Niagara for
flirtations, "for men may come and
women go, but they go on forever."
There are so many loving little brides
here every week, who seem to take an
especial delight iu " spooning " before
folks and making their marriage known.
The rush and roar of the rapids drowns
the sound of the billing aud cooing of
these loving couples, but their example
is contagious. When one young man
sees another holding a pretty girl's
hand, and whispering oonumdrums iu
her willing car, he feels very much like
going off and doing the same thing him
self. It grows rather monotonous after
a time to hear nothing but "George,
dear," or "Oh, ducky," and "What,
love !" as one meets these happy pairs
at every turn. It annoys me to over
hear remarks not intended for my ears,
but here it cannot be helped. The
other evening a young West Point
graduate and a Brooklyn belle strolled
out near the point by Luna Island where
I was smoking my cigar, and having
effectually cut off my retreat, they em
barrassed me after this fashion :
He I'm going away to-morrow.
She No I So soon ?
He Clara, I am (smack). Do vou
love me ?
She Oh, you dreadfully wicked fel
low. The crimp is all out of my hair.
now couiu you f
Aud then tho wicked fellow proceeds
to show her just "how he could," and
then he threatened to throw himself
over tho falls if she didn't promise to
love him. Of course she promised,
and instead of going away tho next day
the dreadfully wicked "lientenant" is
here yet. Thore will be a wedding in
Brooklyn bv-and-bve. mid rnnnno iha
presents will bo some " curiosities from
Niagara.
How She Cured His Jealousy.
The Sacramento (Gal.) lice tells a
story which may be serviceable in teach
ing an excellent plan for the curing of
attacks of the green-eyed monster, as
follows: There is a man in Sacramento
who is so affectionately fond of his wife
that he is jealous if a man looks within
forty-five feet of the direction iu which
she may happen to be. The other day a
gentleman spoke to her, aud he threat
ened suicide. His wife was dispatched
for a bottle of poison, consisting of a
little water colored with licorice, and la
beled with a glaring poison label out
side. When he threatened to take some
of it, and actually poured it into a wine
glass, she screamed for help, and ran
out of the room into another room,
where she could watch him through the
keyhole, and saw him coolly open the
winuow auu throw it out. She then
rushed back, apparently frautio with
grief, and implored him not to do the
rash deed. He merely pointed to the
glass, and, lying down on the floor, be
gan to kick out his legs like a jumping
jack. She told him she was determined
to share his fate, and swallowed the rest
of the licorice water, whereupon he be
came frightened, called the neighbors,
confessed he only played off, and said if
she only survived he would never
trouble her again. Then she explained
the ruse, and he was 60 mortified he
tried to buy up tho silence of the neigh
bors, uut me story was too good to keep.
He is now thoroughly cured.
For His Mother.
. A ladv residing in T.niioinrrl.nv i.n,'i
ed a passing oar, with her little sou, the
omer morning, to see him safely on the
horse car for a trip to Troy. He stepped
On board, and scrambled fnr tlin frnnf.
of the car. As he was eoincr. his moth
er Said : " Why. aren't vnn rminortn Vitm
your mother before you go ? "
mi ii - .... - . .
j.ue iiuie lenow was so delighted with
the prospect of a ride, and in such a
hurry, that he hastily rejoined, looking
back excitedlv " Mi", ftmulrint
you kiss mother for me?" And of
iuioo iuu.aaauugt!iBuuuiuU i Keep irom
smiling.
Too Much.
As a resident of Detroit had reached
tho sidewalk on his way dowu town his
wife appeared at the gate and called :
"Charles! Charles! I want money
to buy a pair of shoestrings."
"llaven t got it, lie replied, as he
turned about.
"But I must havo two or threo cents.'
she protested.
"Two or three cents !" ho echoed' as
he started oil'; " do you think I'm going
to the bank and fool around and sign a
check for two or three cents? You'll
have to wait till next week I"
Items of Interest.
Two children in Cedar Rapids were
nearly killed by chewing green card
board. Deposits of silver of extraordinary
richness at Rifle river, Mich., are re
ported. A clergyman at Pittsfield, Conn., has
declined to marry a couple because the
groom couldn't repeat tho Lord's
Prayer.
An exchange defines a club to be an
organization effected by men for tho
purpose of paying dues and securing the
Erivilege of buying liquor at a particular
ar.
The city court of Louisville recently
decided that newspaper men have aright
to carry deadly weapons, if deemed
necessary for self-defence while in the
discharge of journalistic duties. Sugges
tive. The lost we have heard from Ben
Butler, says the Boston jVctrn, is his
reply to a man who asked him what he
was going to do in the coming campaign ?
"I'm going to see if the d fools
will let me alone."
Iu Nevada the law imposing a tax of
8400 every three months on every gam
bling place has been sustained by a su
preme court decision. The effect, it is
anticipated, 'will be to close the small
E laces and extend the business of tho
u-ge ones.
"What is ratio?" asked a professor
of a student, who replied : " Ratio, sir ;
ratio is proportion." " And what is pro
portion ?" " Proportion, sir : why, pro
portion is ratio." " And pray, sir, what
are both together?" "Excuse me, sir, I
can answer but one at a time."
Bees have become so numerous and ag
gressive in Brownesville, Texas, that en
ergetio efforts have become necessary to
rid the place of them. They took pos
session of stores where sugar and molas
ses were kept, stung everybody who
tried to drive them away, and stayed un
til smoked out.
A Pittsfield (Mass.) paper tells of a
directory canvasser who stuck his head
into Senator Dawes' office, the other
day, aud asked: "What business is
carried on here, sir ?" Tho Senator
looking up from his law book, replied:
" Writing recommendations for office,"
and resumed his work.
In the Canary isles the vine ran out,
and that was the end of Canary wine.
Then they raised cochineal, and now the
soil is exhausted for good qualities of
that article. So they have tried tobac
co, and that will iu future be their great
crop, and they will apparently produce
an article finer than ever before known.
Rosie Cotterman, aged ton, a little
German girl of Bloomington, III., brave ly
stood in the way of an infuriated cow
till sho had put four or five smaller chil
dren over a fence. Her clothing was
almost all ripped from her and she was
badly bruised, but the mayor aud polico
force, as they descended from the lamp
posts and telegraph poles, were loud in
praise of her courage.
As a proof of the confidence of wild
fowls, it may bo well to note that a pho
tographer at Alexandria bay, on the St.
Lawrence river, this summer, photo
graphed a ruffled grouse on her nest,
placing the instrument within a few feet
of hor. After her eggs had bocomo
hatched some workmen proceeded to
build a summer kitchen near the nest,
but took great care not to disturb her,
and in course of time she becamo so
tame that she declined to leave her
nest.
The extent to which black silks are
weighted in the process of dyeing is in
credible. " A silk dyer " writes to tho
Scientific American, inclosing a skeiu
of block silk, one-half of which, he says,
is silk, the other half being chiefly iron
added in the bath by chemical agents.
These silks will not wear well ; but as
silk is sold at retail by measure, and not
by the pound, unless adulteration adds
to the length it is difficult to see who is
the gainer by this fraud. How are we
to tell weighted silks ?
An amusing story is told of Governor
Bagley, of Michigan, who is a good Sab
batarian. He was lately iu Detroit on
Sunday, and, passing a billiard hall with
some friends, heard the balls clicking as
if it were a week day. He politely in
quired of the proprietor if ho made a
practice of keeping his hall open on
Sunday, aud was astonished when tho
man replied : "No, governor, not as a
general thing; but if you and your
party wish to play a quiet game I guess
I can fix it for you.
A. P. Rogers, of Anoka, Minn. , writes
to the Pioneer Press in regard to tho
history of William Morgan. He states
that his father was a missionary iu the
wilderness of northern Maine from about
1830 onward, and visited all the settle
ments in that district ; that one day he
came upon a cabin in the woods inhabit
ed by a solitary man ; he subsequently
often saw this man, whom he thought
he knew, aud whom he eventually recog
nized as Morgan. He had known Mor
gan earlier in life. Morgan finding him
self reoognized left the neighborhood
secretly.
The schooner Wyoming, of Glouces
ter, MiUs., on a trip to the banks was at
tacked by a swordfish in the night. He
struck the vessel with great force, and
succeeded in putting his sword through
one of her planks some two feet, and
after making fearful struggles to extri
cate himself, broke his sword off, leav
ing it fast in the planking. It is fortu
nate that he did not succeed in drawing
out his sword, as the aperture would un
doubtedly have made a leak sufficient
to sink the vessel. As it was she leaked
badly, requiring very active pumping to
keep her free from water.
A Well-Deserved Correction.
Justice Shallow " Mary Hopkins, I
distinctly saw that youthful ruffian you
are nursing look at my cherry trees
this morning. I warn you that should
I ever catch him picking one cherry I
will give him three months' hard labor
and four years in a reformatory !" Rev.
Samuel Maudlin And wo will flog
him three times during that period, for
I take thought for his soul !" M. II.
"Thank you very much for yer kind
ness, gentlemen ; leastways, I should
say your worships ; I really bbg pardon
I made a mistake wbeu I called you
gentlemen I" ityn,