The Highacres Collegian
by Joseph Krushinsky, Jr.
It never seemed to be more than
a meager battle. Oh sure there
have always been bits of terrorist
activity like "King Fling" and
"Shamrock Shake," but only now
has it turned into full scale war.
The last major offensive was
back in the dark ages of fast food
chains when McDonald's launch
ed their breakfast fleet. There
was no contest No one clearly
remembers the details, but
Burger King has never really
retaliated for the early Morning
strategy of the "Egg McMuffin."
Matters seemed to settle for a
few years but the McDonald's
big-wigs had something in mind.
McDonald's always seemed to be
most organized. Why they even
sold war bonds in the form of
Christmas gift certificates. But
now they were onto something
truly big.
Meanwhile, both "McDonald's"
and "Burger King" had taken to
the water with their "Fillet-o-
Fish" and "Whaler" sandwiches,
but the blandness of the
"Whaler" (which was
Stage company
delights
audience
"The Elephant Man," a play
written by Sir Frederick Treves,
was presented in the Highacres
Commons on October 6. The play
centered around the story of John
Merrick, "The Elephant Man,"
as seen by Treves.
Working with minimal props,
the six-member Commonwealth
Stage Company gave a sur
realistic interpretation of Dr.
Treves work.
The play began with Dr. Treves
portrayed as an elderly man
reflecting back on the life of his
famous patient, John Merrick.
Treves then reappeared as he
was at the time when he was
treating John Merrick. At one
point in the play, Merrick's inner
feelings were revealed when Will
Dennis talked directly to the au
dience. Near the end of the play,
Dr. Treves answered a score of
questions about his famous pa
tient, "The Elephant Man."
Highacres
Ronald and King in battle for throne
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camouflaged with lettuce to the
point where the Burger King
himself couldn't find the fish),
and the McDonald's minnow
(which was sweet-sauced out of
its wits) seemed to be equally in
effective. This time, they would
take to the air with "Mc-
Chicken."
Just when Mayor McChees was
about to claim victory, the
Burger King knew it was time to
push the button. In an instant an
entire fleet of specialty sand
wiches landed on the Golden Ar
ches. By sea, a new and sup
posedly improved fish sandwich;
by land a chopped steak sand
wich complete with onion rings;
—A look at the past . . . through the eyes of today
The Stockton
mine cave-in
By Jerry Treaty
It was close to Christmas, eight
days to be, exact. It was what
would have been nine-month-old
Elizabeth Rough's first
Christmas. Elizabeth, the rest of
her family, and the Swank family
lived in a double house in
Stockton, a small mining-patch
town that adjoins Hazleton.
As the Roughs and Swanks slept
the night of December 18, 1869,
the very ground beneath them
was being swallowed up into the
workings of a coal mine. So swift
ly was the house devoured, that
neither family had time to escape
the ensuing catastrophe. The
sinking of the house probably did
not kill the families. Embers
from hand-fired coal stoves in the
house set the structure ablaze.
Ten people, memJers of the
Rough and Swank families, in-
~~~.
Feature
and by air the Burger King
specialty chicken sandwich.
The battle was almost as bloody
as it was greasy. "McChicken"
died in its own juices. Tasteless
as it was, it was no match for the
King's . delicately spiced chicken.
It was a more expensive form of
air defense, but worth every cent.
The Grimmace certainly was
grim, for Ronald McDonald had
nothing to fall back on but the old
standard "Big Mac."
The only good news in
McDonaldland was that the
King's new improved fish had
drowned while fighting its way
through the seaweed-like lettuce.
The Chopped Beefs were ap-
chiding baby Elizabeth Rough,
burned to death that night.
Mining regulations were not as
stringent in 1869 as they are in
modern day mining. Speculation
has it that a mining operator ex
tracted coal too close to the sur
face, resulting in the tragic cave
in.
Only three of the ten bodies
were recovered. A marker bear
ing the victims' names now
stands on the site where
proaching fast and "Big Mac"
knew that if they were anything
like the "Whopper" the battle
could be tough.
The battle, as it turned out, was
not as tough as the chopped-beef.
Tough, dry and stringy. The char
broiled stripes painted down the
sides fooled no one. This sand
wich was steamed! !
On the northern front,
McDonald's picked up an easy
victory by beating down the "Ice-
burger" with a combo of sundaes
and "Soft Serve Cones."
Kids seemed to be the way to
the top, so the Hamburgier stole
the young hearts by starting a
birthday Club and introducing
Monument at Stockton.
Elizabeth Rough would have seen
her first Christmas, almost 112
years ago.
EDITOR'S NOTE:
"The Stockton Mine Cave-In" is
the first in a series of articles ap
pearing in "A Look At the Past
. . . Through the Eyes of Today."
Next issue, a turn to more recent
history as "Look At The Past"
takes a look at the filming of the
movie, "The Mollie Maguires."
"URGER
KING
OPPEIt
NOMT NIF
OT THE 111,
A marker commemorating the
cave-in can be located by driving
east on Broad Street to Stockton
Road. The turn for Stockton Road
is a left turn off Broad Street near
the Hazleton State General
Hospital. At the first four-way in
tersection on Stockton Road, turn
left. The monument is about fifty
yards down the road, on the left
side, about thirty feet from the
roadway.
November 1981-7
"McDonaldland Cookies."
Feeling better about the whole
situation, Ronald sent a squad of
"double-cheeses" to take on the
King's last attack The Ham
and Cheese Specialty."
The Ham was not particularly
good in battle. It lacked the
necessary zest and crispness
needed to be a victor. Instead it
was a cold and soggy failure, but
with a large side order of onion
rings, it managed to end the bat
tle in a deadlock.
Tired and out of ideas, the
Burger King and Ronald
McDonald agreed to call a truce.
A treaty signing ceremony was
held at the Pizza Hut and the two
then traveled to Wendy's for a
Hot 'N' Juicy. There they met Ar
thur Treacher, who took them to
the Fast Food cemetery where
they visited the grave of Car
rols." The Burger King shed a
tear.
It's peaceful on the Fast-Food
Front now, but how long will it be
. . . who will make the next
move? Shall it be McShrinap or
the King's marvelous magical
salad bar? Only time will tell.
How to get there
.. 11
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