WHAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A F.0.0.L.?
By ELLIOT GROSSMAN
Dean pf Lunatical Affairs
Fraternal Order Of Lunatics*
Hlghacres Chapter
"The Hazlefon Campus of
The Pennsylvania State Univer
sity presents a Seminar on
Cybergenetics and Cunglonim
ism," announces a squat bug
eyed man in a trench coat to
a room full of curious Penn
Staters. Moments later three
professional-looking scroundrels
enter the room and march up to
the podium. One "professor"is
wearing a tuxedo with short
pants ans sneakers, the second
one is wearing swimming trunks
and is carrying a gym bag, and
the third is weaking a cap and
gown and is carrying an open um
brella.
"Anyone lived in a pretty
how town with up so floating
maiiy^bells d0wn...," they begin
to recite an E. E. CUUummings
poem in harmony. After the
peom is completed, two of the
professors take seats while
the other begins a lecture prov
ing that one equals seven. In
the middle of the lecture the
ringing of a telephone is heard
emanating from t the second pro
fessor's gym bag. He takes a
telephone out of the bag and be
gins a discourse about the price
of snowshoes in Alaska with an
anonymous caller. The lecture
continues but; before it is com
pleted, the lecturer runs to the
middle of the room pursuing an
invisible taxi proclaiming,
"Taxi!! taxi!! You can't get a
taxi around here anymore!!"
After the lecture is com
pleted, the professors vacate the
room, leaving a crowd of disbe
lieving, shocked people, who are
even more curious now then they
were when they had entered the
room.
Is the world coming to an
end? Have three deadly, diabol
ical creatures escaped from the
planet Tralfamodore? The answer
to, both questions is "no." These
three lunaticial beings present
•continued on page 10
What About Classical Music?
First there was Dr. Pep
per, the worlds' most misun
derstood "soft driiik?" Well,
‘welcome to the worlds' most
misunderstood music, "Classic
cal." Numerous myths exist
about this music, aiid now is
the time to dispel some of
them.
Perhaps the greatest
myth about Classical music is
that it is dead. Nothing is
farther from the truth. Al
though the patient was criti
cal for a time, he is now on the
road to recovery. There has
been a new rush of interest, on
the part of the present genera
tion, towards this music. The
ratings of Classical radio sta-
Sfatno andSPcn
JH| Wen’s 3ormJ Wear
The rear entrance of the cafeteria was utilized
as a temporary car port on the morning of February
21. An automobile owned by Steve West, a Resident
student had been moved to this location supposedly by
other Penn State students. Upon driving the vehicle from
the area, West was greeted by a Police Service member who
presented a fine of $lO for driving in a restricted zone.
Photo by Dave Kraft.
The Highacres Collegian, Mareh 3.Q., 1977-9
Htfereotppetr
By MICHAEL CHARNIGO
COLLEGIAN Staff Writer
tions are on the rise, and even
non-Classical stations are fit
ting it into their programming,
according to "Stereo Review."
Why this new interest?
The new interest could be
due largely because many people
now are discovering that Classi
cal mrfSsic is not only for the
old "stuffed shirts" in the con
cert halls. A good example is
Beethoven. Such songs as "Roll
over Beethoven" and A Fifth of
Beethoven," while perhaps satir
izing Classical music, have also
initiated a new interest in
Classical music. A large portion
of the public is discovering that
this music can be just as vibrant
and exciting as our popular music
LAUREI. MALL
HAZLETON (717)4594985