Opinion
MY VOICE
For a young, aspiring sports
journalist such as myself, ESPN
is a utopia of top notch sports
journalists.
From Sports Center to Out
side the Lines, ESPN’s anchors
and reporters deliver the
sporting world’s news like no
other network on Earth.
Unfortunately, there is one
man who works for ESPN is
not only a disgrace to ESPN,
but to the entire sports world as
well.
This man is Jim Rome, the
host of ESPN’s Jim Rome is
Burning and ESPN Radio’s The
Jim Rome Show.
I have an incredible distaste
for Rome and there are a num
ber of reasons why 1 think he is
not only bad for the sports
world, but an extremely annoy
ing human being as well.
Where to start? How about
we start with his television
show? There is a segment at
the beginning of his show in
which he discusses what he is
“burning on.”
In this segment, Rome com
plains about events in the sport
ing world. This segment can,
and usually does, last about 27
minutes of the show (a half
MY VOICE
Slang says a lot about soci
eties. For example, back in
middle school, the funny thing
to say was “your
This
phrase reflected
emotional imma
turity and high
lighted what
soulless parasites
we were back
then.
mom.”
Luckily, phrases
come and go, usu
ally at the will of
the latest hip-hop
guru. Even the
most annoying terms eventu
ally die.
That being said, I swear to
God, if I have to hear one more
idiot on this campus say the
word FAIL, I’m going to beat
them to death with a thesaurus.
I dont care how funny
failblog.org was, let it go.
To make matters worse,
those wonderous writers of
rhetoric who frequently use the
term, sling it with the same
condescending-ass tone that
the Physics TA’s use when an
swering questions.
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Nick Blake is burning
hour program).
Just when I think I might turn
on his show and actually bene
fit from what he is telling me,
he rambles about some second
string quarterback
throwing an inter
ception on fourth
and long when the
team shouldn’t
even be going for it
for three-fourths of
the show.
Not only does
Rome get 30 min
utes on television,
but he also gets
three hours on the
radio. Every day.
Three hours! What could he
possibly talk about for three
hours? Nothing.
I would know; I used to listen
to his show every day. How
ever, he said one thing during a
broadcast that made me realize
that I never want listen to this
tool again.
In a nutshell, Rome was
telling a story about his son and
the sports that he doesn’t like.
One of the sports happened to
be soccer.
Rome said, “That’s right, son;
you don’t like soccer.” His wife
FAIL must die
Yes, it may have been hilarious
a year ago, but for the sake of
your frontal lobes, pick a differ
ent phrase to say! 1
promise that it
won’t be that hard.
The next time
you are on the In
ternet, blogging
about how much
other blogs FAIL in
comparison to your
blog, just right
click and use the
synonym tool.
NEIL JAMES
opinion editor
There are caval
cades of words that
are more descriptive and color
ful. You can even make up your
own word. If you’d like, you
can just throw a bunch of
Scrabble tiles against a wall
and it would be an improve
ment.
We could even create a new
word to convay loss and
sadism. Instead of FAIL, we
could use the word lOWA. So
whenever a person face plants
while trying to snowboard off
of a ramp of melting butter over
a tank filled with swine flu in
fected zombie babies, we can
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said something along the lines
of “If he wants to like soccer, he
can like soccer.” Rome then
said, “No he can’t. Because girls
don’t like soccer players, girls
like athletes.”
As a former
soccer player, I
would know that it
definitely takes an
athlete to be a soc
cer player. How
ever, if that isn’t
enough for you,
how about this lit
tle statistic: ESPN
regularly airs soc
cer games (funny,
NICK BLAKE
Sports Editor
because there are
“no athletes” in soccer games)
and they used to have a ticker
at the top of the screen that
showed how much a player ran
in the course of a game.
During a game in 2007, a
player for the European club
AC Milan was taken out of the
game early and was recorded
running 6.25 miles in the game.
He wasn’t even on the pitch for
the entire game.
According to Merriam-Web
ster, “athlete” is defined as “a
person who is trained or skilled
in exercises, sports or games
just shout “IOWA!” There is no
downside because once lOWA
gets old we can just replace it
with a new phrase, like OHIO.
We’ll just create a never-end
ing cycle of mind-numbing In
ternet references with the only
possible end being the collapse
of the universe!
Okay, ma;
is not the
idea, but thi
about thi
Even the fun
niest thing
in the world
will become
annoying
if quoted
every 30
seconds.
Rememb
when Borat
new? Peopli
say “Very
much?” every 20 seconds. It
was the exact same way with
Napoleon Dynamite. In these
situations, we are no longer
beating a dead horse, but more
accurately ramming nitroglyc
erine down its throat and danc
ing on its belly while wearing
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requiring physical strength,
agility or stamina.”
Strength, agility and stamina
are all things required by soc
cer players and people who
play any other sport. Either
that or I guess football, basket
ball, baseball, track and field,
hockey and countless other
sports aren’t sports.
Give me a break Rome. He
can sit there, all high and
mighty in his wheelie office
chair and porn star moustache
and act like he knows every
thing about everything. I’d like
to see him put on some athletic
shorts and play 15 minutes in a
high school soccer game, let
alone a professional game.
I’d rather watch lowa beat
Penn State again then listen to
Rome go on and on about what
gets his panties all in a bunch.
Rome is an ignorant, my
opinion-is-always-right kind of
guy and there is no room for
somebody like him in sports.
Rome, do us all a favor and
put out your self-illuminating
flame that’s constantly burning.
You can leave sports to the peo
ple who can actually cover
them.
golf spikes.
At this point, you may be cu
rious as to what can save our
nation from this plague of id
iocy. Put simply: Your imagi
nation. If you feel the need to
tear someone down for making
a mistake, then at least do that
poor soul the decency of
eative when
iling them.
makes me
:el a little bet
ter when I
know that a
person actu
ally tried to
make me
feel crappy.
At least you
■.now that
:y care
igh to put
into the in
is almost as
good as a compliment!
So please, let’s rally together
as a cummunity and put an end
to the overwhelming
overkilling of this overused
word.
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MY VOICE
Iowa: Axis of evil
Following Penn State's sec
ond loss to lowa in two years, I
feel that it is appropriate to ex
press, through the majesty of
words, why 1 hate lowa. Not the
football team, not
the people in the
state; no, the state
in its entirety.
First, if you look
at any event in
American history
in which the peo
ple of the United
States triumphed,
lowa was conspic
uously absent. I
draw first on my
extensive knowl-
edge of the Ameri
can Revolution. Where was
lowa when the Americans were
battling the British at the Battle
of the Bulge at Lexington and
Concord?
That's right - they were farm
ing.
Where was lowa when the
Germans bombed Pearl Har
bor? I'll tell you where they
were. They were farming.
Where was lowa when the
first American landed on the
moon? In all likelihood, they
were probably bombing Pearl
Harbor.
Where was lowa when John
F. Kennedy was shot? That's
right - they were shooting John
F. Kennedy.
lowa isn't even a real country,
anyway. Real countries have
delegates at the United Na
tions. lowa sure doesn't have
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•tt
MY VOICE
Generation wuss
BRANDON BOYD
staff writer
If you are reading this article,
chances are you are a college
student. Because we are in a
specific age range, we are also
in a generation. There have
been many generations
through the course of history,
and all have had nicknames.
There’s the Silent Generation,
the Baby Boom Generation,
and Generation X, among oth
ers. Although our generation is
technically referred to as Gen
eration Y, allow me to give us
another nickname: The Gener
ation of Wussies.
If you’re wondering why I am
giving my generation a harsh
nickname, allow me to explain.
There are many things that
this generation does that qual
ify us for such a nickname. To
start, we always whine about
not feeling well. We go to the
doctor for congestion, skip out
on class because we are sneez
ing, and write up our will be
cause of a fever. Let’s face it;
everyone gets sick. Tough it
out when you can.
We’ve also earned this nefar
ious nickname because of our
lack of a willingness to work.
Sure, we get jobs, and earn our
money, but that’s not what I’m
talking about. Take myself as
an example. I refuse to mow
my own lawn for less than $5.
My own lawn!
Other than myself, I see peo
ple all over Behrend refusing to
work. In the bathroom, people
refuse to work on their hygiene.
I’ve seen countless amounts of
people walk out of the restroom
without washing their hands.
That’s about as disgusting as
Saturday’s Penn State-lowa
Itori
Behrend Beacon i "J
October 2, 2009 m
www.thebehrendbeacon.com | I
that. And even if they did, the
other (real) countries would
probably sanction them for
being lowa.
According to Wikipedia as of
a few minutes ago
when I edited it,
lowa has a popula
tion of five people.
Finding the people
of lowa is like find
ing Waldo in a
Where's Waldo the
size of the earth.
The search is made
much more diffi
cult by the fact that
the people of lowa
look like corn-
CONNOR
SATTLEY
Editor-in-chief
Corn, of course, represents
about 409 percent of lowa's
economy. However, this pres
ents us Pennsylvanians with
their weakness - fire!
Since there are no cities in
lowa, its inhabitants will not
know what to do when con
fronted by bright lights. Like
deer in headlights, they will
freeze and stare as the flames
of their doom bears down upon
them!
So let us rise up! We will pay
lowa back for the evil that their
football team has committed.
By us rising up, I mean I just
need someone to help me set
fire to one corner of Iowa; the
rest will go eventually. Don't
worry, though, nobody from
lowa will notice - they're prob
ably too busy farming.
f * * ~ .■-
In the classroom, people ex
pect the A’s to earn themselves.
When asked if they studied, I
heard a student respond “no,
but I drank a lot of beer and
played Madden for four hours.”
Well, unless the test is on the I
formation and Nattyisms, he’s
likely screwed.
Hey now, let’s not blame our
selves (like we ever do). Our
parents have raised us to be
wussies. Think about it. Partic
ipation awards, anyone? Some
high schools can’t play dodge
ball anymore because someone
might get hurt. Teachers are
asked to use a pen that’s not
red because red is “too threat
ening.” C’mon, it’s red ink, not
the boogieman. We have been
spoiled and spoon fed our en
tire lives, and when the going
gets tough, we get going (as far
away as we can).
I know I sound like a bitter
old lady ranting about today’s
youth, but it’s true. We might
not be too different than the
generations before us, but
we’ve become famous for nag
ging, bragging, and sagging.
Here’s the thing - we can
change this. The generations
before us have created many
problems. Have you seen the
economy lately? As Yogi Berra
(famous baseball player, and
member of the Silent Genera
tion) once said, “A nickel isn’t
worth a dime today.” It just
proves that there’s still plenty
of time for us to get rid of this
stigma, and to finally toughen
up.
Now, if you will excuse me, I
have to stop writing. I have the
sniffles.
I Poll