Friday, October 19, 2007
A Comprehensive Visual Guide to the Walkway by the REDC Building
By Mike Sharkey
Co-Editor-In-Chief
October at Behrend means three things:
1. Snow is coming to blot out the sun, roads, and hearts of men.
2. Hoodies are now covering up the already scarce amount of cleav-
age on campus
3. The hike up from the Junker parking lot to the REDC building is
going to be like racing in the Iditarod on a daily basis.
Freezing temperatures and unplowed sidewalks have always been a
problem for those of us hoping to get to class without losing fingers to
frostbite, but to remedy this, our college has apparently just put forth
some money to solve these problems! Personally, if I had the finances
and power, I would have simply installed a ski lift to get from the lot
to the REDC, but our benefactors have done so much more!
As you can see in the pictures below, new and exciting (and proba
bly expensive) HANDRAILS have been installed for those of us who
need something to grab on to when those -13 degree winds are blow-
ing us off the road (Disclaimer: A lack of gloves will most likely result
in unwanted hand-to-rail attachment).
Mike Sharkey/HIE BEAREND BEACON
Solid handrails means that we no longer have to worry about hurri
cane-force winds... well, at least for this section of walkway, anyway.
Mike Sharke)rrHE BEHREND BEACON
The new post holes are approximately a foot off. Good thing they
weren't trying to launch an orbiter to Mars, eh'?
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HUMOR
Gesundheit... Comes out loose
Those crazy Egyptians were tired of graverohhers looting through
their pyramids, so they moved their pharoahs to the Valley of the
Kings. Well, as you can imagine, those graves were looted there too.
Since those darned pharoahs were so greedy. they needed to find
somewhere else to bury their dead kings and valuable
. junk (since they
thought they could take it with them). Thus, the "Junk - er center was
created for resting place of King Bar-en-da 11. The pilgrims found the
tomb and looted the hell out of it, and then turned the former gravesite
into a gymnasium and sports center.
Just recently, a new grave site has been discovered just off of the
walkway to the Junker Center, belonging to King Bar-en-da
Underpaid maintenance men have already finished looting the
gravesite and placed a special symbol over it to ward off any curious
freshmen that may happen to walk by it.
Mike• Sharke)MlE 131-IIREND BEACON
Of course I know it's not an Egyptian tomb, hut tell that to the blind
members of our community who may wander off the walkway and
accidentally make it one...
Mike Sharkefl'llL BEFIRI.NI) BEACON
If the hole doesn't get them, the ladder will!
We all know that the end of the
semester is fast approaching and as
students begin to demoralize them
selves because they have too much
work to do, they begin to become
very pessimistic. As a fellow student
and friend, I would like to help you
look into the lovely world of opti
mism with a few scenarios to help you
get through your day.
Pessimist: Work blows.
Optimist: At least I have some sort of
income.
Pessimist: You suck.
Optimist: At least I'm able to laugh at
your stupidity.
Pessimist: I suck.
Optimist: At least I'm not Criss
Angel.
—Christopher LaFuria
Optimism or pessimism? What's in s your glass?
Pessimist: Why do you have to nag Optimist: I don't remember last
me so much? night
Optimist: At least you haven't cheat
ed on me like my last girlfriend
You haven't, have you?
By Alan Dye
Contributing Student
Pessimist: Natural Light tastes like
ram's piss!
Optimist: This ram's piss tastes like
Natural Light!
Pessimist: My steak is not cooked
right.
Optimist: It's good enough. If I don't
send it back they can't spit on it.
Pessimist: School sucks.
Optimist: At least I'm not in Ohio
Pessimist: They're dumb... I look
nothing like McLovin.
Optimist: Ok, maybe I do. Fake ID!
Holla!
Pessimist: This is the worst day of
my life.
The Behrend Beacon I 5
Jerome B. Pohl/LA CORRESPONDENT
Pessimist: That glass is half empty.
Optimist: At least I'm not Criss
Angel
Alan Dye/CONTRIBUTED PHOTO
Pessimist: It's a small fish.
Optimist: A midget would pay me to
have this mounted over his fireplace.