I The Behrend Beacon
ohk
. 41144'
op ive o t e wee •• •
By Brad Kovalcik
staff writer
For those of you planning on traveling to sunny destinations next week, be thankful. The only flights
left for spring break are to some pretty interesting locations. But if you are really need to get away here
is the list of the...
Top 5 Worst Spring Break Destinations
5. Hibbing, Minnesota - Read the name one more time. 'nuf said.
4. Anywhere, North Korea - If your spring break is all about
partying, think again about a trip here.
3. Kuzcek, Kazakhstan - Though it looked gorgeous on film, I'm
not sure how much I'd like to see the hometown of Borat in person.
2. Baghdad, Iraq - Probably not the most popular of destinations,
but I know a way to get a free trip.
1. Erie, Pennsylvania - You're here most of the year already, so I
won't go into detail.
This week in stupidity
By Liz Cybulski
staff writer
I hope you've missed me as much as
I missed sharing my witty little noth
ings with you all. Hopefully, this
week's article will make up for my
absence from last week's paper. So
here you go. a few witty paragraphs for
you to enjoy just as much as your
chicken wrap.
Intramural swimming held a contest
last night for "The 5 Worst Swimmers."
Contestants were judged on stroke
quality, time, and other miscellaneous
things. Now, technically, would some
one who couldn't swim who jumped
into the pool and almost drowned, win
the contest? I mean, I can't think of
anyone who could swim worse than
someone who can't even swim at all.
Midterms are upon us once again
everyone. It's the age old college tradi
' tion of sticking it to the student body
before the university cuts us loose for a
week of vacation shenanigans.
However, my favorite part of midterm
season is this experience on exam day.
You waltz into class, confident,
because like a good student should.
you've studied. The professor passes out the exam
and you peruse the questions. You then realize that
no matter what, this exam is going to screw you.
Then, oh then. you look around the room and real
ize everyone else has the same "Oh S—t!" look on
their face as you. It's nice not feeling alone!
I understand that many of you are disappointed
that St. Patrick's Day falls during Spring Break
this year. I, too, feel your pain. I'm sad I won't he
able to attend class in Irish spirits...if you know
; what I mean. However, may I take this opportuni
ty to enlighten you to the fact that another tine hol
iday known as Cinco de Mayo falls on the last
Saturday of the semester this year. Moral of the
story we lose one holiday, but gain another. Use
• this opportunity wisely, you festive college stu
;dents.
It's about time I mention another classroom eti
quette peeve of mine. People who waste class time
:asking questions that are clearly answered in the
syllabus. Hi, you, person of colossal annoyance,
.but we all sat through Syllabus Day (aka the first
, day of class) where the professor read off his or
her syllabus and answered questions. If you
weren't paying attention then, or need something
cleared up. please use other methods, such as
email or the professor's office hours, to ask the
question you shouldn't have to ask.
Here's a humorous (or sad depending on your
point of view► current event point of interest.
Larry Seidlin. the judge that ruled over the Anna
Nicole Smith case in which custody of her body
was given to her five month old daughter, is the
same judge that presided over the "hanging chad"
fiasco in Florida in the 2000 presidential election.
Who knew one judge could have a hand in two his
torically stupid decisions?
Last but not least I'll round this article out with
some sports news. For the third time in a row the
Baseball Hall of Fame will not be inducting any
one. Why? Because the veterans committee is
voting in such a fashion where no candidate on the
ballot receives 7.5rh of the votes, the mark they
need to he inducted. What makes this situation
worse is that voting for inductees into the Hall of
Fame only happens every other year for players,
and every four years for managers, umpires, and
the like. Something tells me that the BCS is not
going to be the only voting/ranking program get
ting a revamp soon.
HUMOR
I humi,„•
n Russia. page
umors you
Procrastinators club holds first meeting
Al/ who show 00 kit Aci.l ow t (/111)
By Jerry Pohl have been doing when I filled out and turned in
assistant humor editor those papers. I didn't get around to doing any
thing eke. Doesn't that count for anything?"
After eight semesters of waiting to turn in the The club was committed to voting Layter out of
proper paperwork, the Behrend Procrastinators office alter sitting around for awhile and just
Club has finally been recognized by the universi- hanging out. After several hours of tossing cards
ty as an official student into a hat. Layter pointed out that by
organization. This has caused showing up for the meeting to oust
some problems for members her. they had all failed to procrastinate
of the club, and for its former as much as she. and thus had no right
president. who turned in the to punish her.
paperwork. This logic was inarguable. and after
"I had nothing to do one thinking it over, throwing pencils into
day," said May B. Layter. for- the ceiling, tossing a ball against a
mer club president. "I was wall. and staring into space for
really bored, and there was awhile. all those in attendance decid
nothing to eat, and my TV ed that they were kicked out of the
was broken, and my computer club for failure to adhere to its mis
too. and my phone, and I saw
the paperwork to start the
club and after thinking about
it for a few hours. I filled it
None of this would have
been a problem except that
mere months after she filled
out those forms. she had them in her pocket while pletelv nonparticipatory in student activities are
walking by the RUB Desk. Reaching into her considered members of the Procrastinators Club.
pocket for gum she found the forms and decided it is the largest club at Behrend. There is current
to turn them in since she was standing there any- Iv a leadership vacuum in the club due to the fact
way. According to the constitution of the club, by that anyone who takes on any responsibility or
doing this and founding the club, she was exiled contributes to the club is banned from the club by
from it. default.
"Thew were extenuating circumstances" The current frontrunner for the club's presiden-
Lavter said as she pled her case to the members. cy is Leah Zey, who has popular support due to
"I was going to put it off, I really was. And in my her expert thumb twiddling, and her campaign
defense there were many other things I should promise that, "What? Oh yeah, remind me later."
"In my
defense,
there were
many other
things I
should
have been
doing..."
Friday, March 2, 2007
4,
s,
f •"'"
tatenient
This left the club memberless,
:except for those who remained inac
tive by not showing up, though
sources indicate that they meant to do
so, and were totally going to, and will
probably get to it eventually.
Since all students who are com-