Page 10 The Behrend Beacon Playboy baring its ugly side by Lenore Skenazy New York Daily News Playboy: a magazine published by a prune in pajamas who actually believes those blond twins think he’s hot. In other words, a harmless diversion for the pathetic and deluded. That’s pretty much what I thought of the venerable pom publication until last week. Then came the Enron offer: Any woman laid off by the corrupt corpo ration was invited to apply for the “ex citing opportunity” to pose for a picto rial. Wear a lot, earn a little. Wear a little, earn a lot On Monday, Playgirl launched a similar salvo, soliciting Men of Enron hunks, and this just seemed like a great publicity stunt. Got us all giggling. A guy taking off his clothes is goofy. But a desperate woman taking her clothes off is a much sadder, older story. In fact, it’s pretty much the old est story of the world's oldest profes sion. Which is what makes Playboy’s offer so gross. “What kind of scavenger scum would say, ‘Oh, gee, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s get the women who have just lost their jobs and life savings and give them a chance to pose naked?”’ rails my friend Laura. “To me, that’s pick ing on a group of vulnerable people who just happen to have breasts.” Among other things. In the past, Playboy’s pictorials didn’t focus on the downtrodden. They featured college students - the Women of the Ivy League, for instance - or the women of sundry piquant professions: the Women of Wall Street, of Wash ington, even the Women of the IRS. What did all these ladies have in Through the Looking Glass A 47-year-old Colorado man has been convicted of assault for spitting carrots at a deputy sheriff, but his legal troubles are not over. He still faces separate trials on the following charges: threatening a bond commissioner, threatening a Burger King em ployee and trying to kill his girlfriend with a sword. WE’LL REALLY MISS THEM ... UH, HER Lolo Ferrari, France’s most famous porn star, died two years ago of what police in Marseille said at the time were natural causes. They have since revised the cause of death for the lovely Lolo, who boasted 71-inch breasts. Suffocation. It’s not what you may think. Her husband has been arrested for her murder. LOOKS LIKE A CASE FOR THE SANDMAN Silvia Umile, a fortune teller in Las Heras, Argentina, accused a local woman of sneaking into her dreams at night and stealing her powers to predict winning lottery numbers. Authorities have thus far declined to file charges. — P— — ——————— Crossword ACROSS 1 Stirling citizens 6 Skyline feature 11 Actor Kilmer 14 Tippy craft 15 Of sound quality 16 A Gershwin 17 Pleasant smell 18 Merchandise on hand for replacements 20 Heart regulators 22 Otherwise 23 & so on 24 Altar vow 25 Bar bills 27 Permits 30 Interrupts 34 “Beau " 36 Carrier bags 38 End of a sock 39 Etcher’s substance 40 Predatory seabirds 41 Cry out loud 42 Sell-out letters 43 Constructed 44 Ethical 45 India-Pakistan region 47 Video recording 49 and crafts 51 Bill's partner? 52 Ms. Gardner 55 Prison knife 58 Emphasizes with slanting letters 61 Secluded religious community 63 Slain civil-rights leader 64 Coffee server 65 Ken and Lena 66 Chutzpah 67 Dodge fuel 68 Religious grp. 69 Double curves DOWN 1 Land’s end? 2 Jewel weight 3 From time to time 4 Weighty book 5 Marine distance Ct 2002 Tribune Madia Ikvlom, fcio Ml fights rwamd Solutions 6 U S. conductor Leopold 7 Church leader 8 Inactive 9 Plunders 10 High RRs 11 Orchestra member 12 Parabolas 13 Michigan or Ontario 19 Tryout 21 Pother 26 Public transport 28 Inc. in England 29 Sfe. Marie 31 Observatory users 32 Hawkeye Stale 33 Foster film 34 Fight to breathe 44 Epoch of the 35 Stocking shade Tertiary Period 37 Devastating 46 Krakatau's disaster neighbor 40 Caption’s cousin 48 Taro product 41 mot (witticism) 50 Pewter mug 43 Tavern 53 Vitality Hugh Hefner shows off a future Playboy Bunny. common? Power. Those Ivy League lasses will one day run America. The women of Washington already do. And the chicks at the IRS can reduce any man to tears. Guys got a kick out of seeing these ladies naked because it turned the tables: Intimidating women were now submis sive. The man was on top. Which is fine. That’s the nature of por nography: Men fantasizing about will ing women. And if these power babes stripped for fun or pocket money or plain the weekly column thafasks if there is intelligent life out there by Mike Pingree KRT Campus HE DID SEEM OUT-OF-SORTS LATELY 54 Fools 55 Complacent 56 Round dance 57 Lodges 59 River in Tuscany 60 Currier and 62 Grassy ground wm tunEs S FUNNIES Friday ; April 19, 2002 old naughtiness, that was their choice But the women of Enron are the op posite of powerful. They are out of work. Many have children to feed. Some may feel they have only one thing left to sell. And Playboy’s buying. “When one door closes, another one opens!” is how Gary Cole, Playboy’s photography editor, describes the Enron offer. But what door, exactly, is open ing? The door to a great new job that just happens to require nudity before an au- behrooUß@uol.oom. Don’t cop out and raid your mom’s recipe box. We want recipes from college ata-y We can all agree...lt was the shoes that made Hugh famous Ingredients: Vanilla Shake 2 cups vanilla ice cream 11/4 cups low fat milk 3 tablespoons sugar Strawberry Shake Serves 2. dents, for college students! S>==o C>“ dience of homy men? Sounds more like the end of the line. “We’re not forcing them to do any thing,” insists Playboy Enterprises’ spokesman Bill Farley. True. And nei ther are the guys who come to starving villages, offering cash for the cutest girls. But there’s a word for those men, just like there’s a word for the folks at Play- boy: Pimp —————————l Karl Benacci, Features Editor Horoscopes Horoscopes * Horoscopes To get the advantage, check the day's rating: 10 is the easiest day, 0 the most challenging, Aries (March 21-April 19) - Today is a 6 - “Show me the money!” That’s what you’ll be saying. Go straight to the bottom line. April 20-May 20) - Today is a 7 - You’re gaining respect by voicing your well-reasoned phi losophy. Gemini (May 21-June 21) - Today is a 6 - Take it slow and easy a little while longer. Do more planning. Cancer (June 22-July 22) - Today is a 7 - Confer with friends to complete a tricky as signment. One of you should have the per fect scheme. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) - Today is a 7 - If you practiced over the weekend, you’re well prepared. If you didn’t, you may not perform as well as you know you could. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) - Today is a 7 - Be trustworthy and practical now, and you’ll get more responsibility soon. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct 22) - Today is a 7 - You’re anxious to act, but something is hold ing you back. Is it unjustified anxiety, or good sense? Probably the latter. There’s something to be said for being sure you can pay the bills before incurring them. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)- Today is a 7 - Make a solid connection with someone you know you can trust. After that’s done, it’ll be easy to discuss a delicate subject, like who’s going to pay for what. You’ll both feel better once that’s done. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - Today is a 6 - You’re still in a take-charge frame of mind. The most disgusting tasks on your list will be easy. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - Today is an 8 - There’s a glow left over from this week end. Enjoy it as you ease into your soon-to be busy schedule. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - Today is a 6 - After getting off to a slow start, you may start to wake up tonight. . Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) - Today is an 8 - A preconceived notion topples as you gain knowledge and experience. Something you thought was too difficult gets easy. But the, reverse could happen, too, so don’t get cocky. DITHERED TW?TS by Stan Waling WWW dtwits com "Yeah, they're nice folks, but gees they sure could use a breath mint!" Have any ideas for the Features Page? Is there something you like or dis like? Let us know! We give a darn about what you think! E-mail us at Behrcolls@aol.com for suggestions or com ments.