Pass the gas,
part deux
Behrend has managed to survive almost a
full semester without an official dean, but
this cannot last much longer. In order to
prevent an almost guaranteed catastrophe, I
hereby proclaim myself Dean. I realize this
is a big step for a seventh semester COMBA
major, but I think I'll he able to handle it.
With my new title conies life in the public
eye, so I felt it necessary to discuss
something of my past that may come hack
• to haunt me.
G. Love and
Bojangles
Ryan Anthony
• .
Three weeks
ago, 1 expressed
my opinions on bodily functions in this
editorial column. I understand that not
everyone agrees with my opinions. hut isn't
that the point of an editorial'? In my defense.
I would like to quote one of our nation's
greatest leaders. "I did not base sexual
relations with that woman. - Oops, wrong
quote. I meant to say, "I did not inhale
Yes, that's right. All of my bodily gas is
100 percent natural. Some people, like those
heard and seen on Howard Stern's show
inhale air into their bodies in order to
produce gas. I just want to clarify that mine
is all natural.
Now that I have cleared my name, I can
begin my opinion for the day. Both my
roommate and Illy girlfriend's brother
recently got engaged and another friend's
sister just got married. This has spurred me
to think about the utter inanity of wedding
practices. Like most of life, people take
engagements and weddings way too
seriously.
As a guy, it is supposed to be my
responsibility to buy an engagement ring.
But what does this do for me aside put me
out about 50 bucks'? Nothing. I feel like I
can do better than a ring. Flow about an
engagement car'? Not a new car; that would
be extravagant. A nice used ear would make
a fine engagement offering and it is
something that we could hod) usL. Since we
are ready to spend the rest ot our lives
together, I'll get her a Toyota. lovotas are
known to run forever, so in a was it will
symbolize my love for her. Wow, that's
deep.
For example. a wedding invitation might
read the following: ''Mr. and Mrs. Jones
would like to personally take this
opportunity to present their II)‘ely virgin
daughter to he wedded hlah blah blab..." I
don't understand wedding ins nations at all.
They sound like an oath the President would
say before being sworn into office. Again,
way too formal. Poor saps who get invited
to weddings have to sit there and read I()
lines before they figure out who's even
getting hitched. Then they have to look at
that little blank piece of see-through paper
that comes with the invitation and wonder.
"What the heck's that for'?"
For my wedding I'm going to Giant Eagle
and buying a hunch of birthday party
invitations that say, "You're invited to a
party!" Then I'll just cross out the word
"party" and write in "wedding." Birthday
cards already have lines on them for date,
time, place, and RSVP. What more do you
need? On my invitations, I'm thinking of
throwing in the line, "Join us for the wedding
of Ryan J. Anthony to his first wife...." just
for laughs. Something tells me my future
wife won't go for that, though.
Now, when the real wedding day comes, I
won't cut any corners with the ceremony.
I'm all for the big or church, preferably
somewhere in Europe. Hopefully all the
guests will be able to make it there.
I do not imagine my future wife will agree
to a reception at Chuck E. Cheese, so I'd be
willing to compromise at Discovery Zone
or Dave and Buster's. Open bar is a given
and I reckon decorated party balls will make
nice centerpieces on the tables. I don't think
there will be a DJ at my wedding, either.
Depending on tour schedules, I would either
get G Love and Special Sauce or George
Clinton and P Funk to be the band.
At the end of the night it will be time for
my wife and Ito climb up into our Hummer
and drive off into the sunset. You can bet
that every guest will have a smile on their
face when they head home with their party
favors and loot bags.
Okay, just so everyone knows, I'm not
serious about all this. I want to have a pretty
"normal wedding" (not any time soon, I'm
just a kid for Pete's sake). I just don't
understand why it all has to be so formal.
My ideas would be pretty fun though, huh?
Anthony's column appears
every three weeks.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
That's right, kids, it's almost snow time. And I can't wait. Snow is the one thing that can make this
city beautiful - it covers up all the ugliness and evens helps to mask the stench that usually permeates
the air.
Snow signals the start of the holiday season. The earliel,
the Alter. t' ;lip(' and moan as much as you
most people are in a better, more lighthearted mood when the first buttes flutter to the
ground. The earlier the snow, the darter people get in the holiday mentality.
True. winters do last an inordinitely lOng time here, but it's not necessarily the snow that makes
the winters suck. The cold, driving March and April rains suck way more than snow The tempera
tures never reach above freezing for months— that sucks more than snow. l he dirty. poorly placed
moguls of snow around campus get to he pretty ugly come March. That's 55 we need intim snow
to cover it up! Don't blame the snow for making winters miserable it's the one tlnti that makes
them bearable.
Some like to complain about driving in snow. You know ' You livc in northwestern Pennsyl
vania. If you can't drive in snow yet, cut up the driver's license now And the bus. It's the
people who can't drive that are the problem, not the snow. I )ri \ inl iii `lllll\ OWIIIIIIII , , is an adven
ture. It separates the men from the boys, so to speak.
So let's bring on the snow!
Though the weather outside is fightful..
Burn bra, burn
Attitude problem
Paige Miles
Long long ago in a land not
so far away, women cooked.
Not only did they slave over hot stoves for
hours on end preparing the perfect meat-and
potatoes meal, they took care of the six children
crying at their feet all day long while trying to
iron, wash, and scrub. What was a woman to
do? Revolt, of course.
A few years later, those women's little girls
went out and got jobs. They drove cars. And
then, they stood in the streets and burned their
bras. Years earlier they had achieved the right
to vote, and now they wanted it all. These
women wanted equality.
So, I sit here thirty-some years later, with a
job, obtaining an education, with no future
plans for breeding, and relying on the good
folks at Taco Bell to do my cooking for me.
It's time to do something with Erie Hall
Whoever said, "it's the inside that counts," is
a genius. And even though that genius has prob
ably never set foot in Behrend's Erie Hall, his/
her wisdom can certainly be applied in this case.
Erie Hall might look like a simple barn from
the outside. But the opportunities for the inside
are endless.
Imagine a wide-open space the size of a gym
nasium just asking to be gutted, remodeled and
put back to use. That's the state of Erie Hall
right now. The new Junker Center (or ARC as I
prefer to call it, because some peoples' names
aren't meant to be used for buildings) has taken
over as Behrend's athletic and recreation facil
ity, leaving Erie Hall empty and lonely.
Meanwhile, teachers are in trailers without
bathrooms, prominent people are speaking in
rooms with terrible acoustics, and student or
ganizations are sharing space in small offices.
I'm not proposing that Behrend can solve all
these problems with the simple remodeling of
one building, but certainly opportunities present
themselves to make a lot of people much hap
pier.
Start with teachers in trailers. I know the much
anticipated REDC building is supposed to alle
viate the problem of our professors grading our
papers in a trailer park-like setting (not that
there's anything wrong with trailer parks), but
when exactly is the REDC going to be usable?
The Junker Center (ARC) took about one year
Friday, November 16, 2001
The Hot Debate of The Week
"What do you think about snow?"
No, we're not talking abo
I If P\ I! rl A. /Ivo caool\ from the .staff will debate a topic that i.s hot.
Sludenl 1 , 1 , Idly mid stall arc encouraged to email suggestions fir the hot topic
131.1 t all? I (nil ni the ~Ifeel luirimil! my ever-
,n-expcit,l‘e hia , ,? Nit Am I
pluk,titt,!! lui lII\ 11,ttIll to \ ()lc' ) No, I have
that III(1 (1)) \Cit . ! \C It. What (10 I h;iv'c to
ti ht lilt a II 2.0 \ Car-(111.1 it:111;11C N(tthitig.
I m.•e it.
I ct Inc ()tiff In\ clNclminei now 13y
no means do I helievc that women should
reciess to the old ways of being the only ones
in the house taking GAR' of Ihe children spite
the men work.lO -hour 11( )11r Vs - Cek to earn enough
to feed six screaming brats. I hope we never
relapse into a situation whew women are not
allowed to advance again. Now, women are
allowed io he CEOs, lawyers, and doctors.
They do not have to take care of the children
lull time, or even push aside a career to give
birth. Then why does the feminist movement
still exist?
'Prue, as I have teamed in my Business
Administration class. the glass ceiling does still
exist. Women limy receive less than a man for
someiohs itt sonic Neanderthal companies. We
have yet to see a female president. hut I
wouldn't he surprised to see Hillary Clinton
on the ballot to 200-1. Problems do exist, such
-01 W
it ."
• ,L et me tell va a
woo. •
ir y little somethm
Jason Snyder
____
it was supposed to. The
REDC building was funded less than a year ago,
so we can anticipate the construction to he com
pleted in another five or six years if we're lucky.
So where do we put our respected professors
until then? I think it would be a shame to leave
them in toiletless trailers while Erie Hall just
sits there, barren.
Behrend has had some prominent people
speak on this campus throughout the years. I
can remember when James Carville debated An
gela "Bay" Buchanan to an audience straining
to make out the words due to the poor acoustics
in the Reed Commons (now McGarvey).
And while these speakers' echoes radiate
through Reed, Erie Hall sits.
Currently, the most troubling issue regarding
space at Behrend is the lack of room for the
constantly growing list of student organizations
that are confined to doing their everyday husi-
that guy who sang 'lnformer'
This may be the easiest thing I have ever had to write for the Beacon! Do we need snow
right now? The answer to that: NO! Does anyone else besides me remember the five feet of
snow that fell right as everyone was leaving for Thanksgiving break last year? Oh yeah, that
storm! The one where it took me five and a half hours to get home instead of two and a half!
We do not need another repeat of that that year! Spare us Mother Nature!
Also, does anyone else remember that Erie is the city that gets massive amounts of snowfall
well into April? And that starting in about a month it is goin , g, to he snowing here non-stop
until the month of April? Come on, the need to see a couple Of flakes or two does not outweigh
the fact that there are going to be about 5 billion flakes on the ground when we come back for
the spring semester!
Please don't whine about the fact that you need it to snow to make it "feel like winter or
Christmas," or Thanksgiving for that matter, (I've heard them all.) I'll give you the Christmas
one, but NOT the winter or Thanksgiving one. When the temperature drops below 30 degrees
(as it already has this year,) that is when you are in the fine season called winter. Seriously, the
people at Peek 'n Peak don't care if they are making fake snow for you to ski on, they are just
happy that the roads are clear enough for you to get there!
Please, do not call this white menace upon Erie too early, because I can guarantee that in the
end, you, too, will be whining (in late January at the latest) that .you want it to be summer so
you can see the ground again. Viva la summer!
-1,. Haves
,V1:11 Ide(lV to behrrell12@(101.00,11
^nr - r~~P tit
as rape. unplanned pregnancy. and abuse. and
theretOre I do respect modern-day feminists for
trying to solve those. However, I don't agree
with the advancement of women over men.
Essentially, it is all about equality. All we
ask for, as humans, is to he treated as the same
as our next-door neighbor, regardless of color,
race, religion, gender, etc. Bra-burners wanted
nothing more then to he equal to their male
counter-parts. It seems to me that we, as
females, have reached that equality fairly well.
And if so, then why do some "feminists" still
push?
find no point in attempting to make females
the dominant race. I don't care if men still are
the dominant race. As long as I can still make
great money as an executive for a high-power
company, I will be happy. At Behrend, as with
every college, men and women are in
competition with each other, just as women are
against women and men are against men. Every
single one of us is working our butts oft so in a
few years we can have a great job. How many
women at Penn State, or any college, claim they
don't want to have a job, but would rather be a
baby-maker? Not many. If we are at this level
ness in their dorm rooms
We have diversity-focused organizations
coming out the wazoo. We have event-planning
groups forming and current organizations grow
ing. Organizations try to recruit members, yet
when they do, there's no room for them. The
Student Activity Fee allocates organizations
money for more equipment, but there's no where
for it to go.
Meanwhile, even with this growth of student
involvement on campus, office space remains
the same. The Multi-Cultural Suite houses al
most a dozen diversity-focused groups in four
offices. Commuter Council is asked to repre
sent over half the students on campus in a room
the size of my closet. The Beacon is respon
sible for putting out a weekly newspaper in two
small rooms, weaving between file cabinets and
staff members, computers and bookcases. while
trying to write articles to the repetitive beat of
bouncing ping-pong balls radiating from the
Backroom.
kvt2r 2 r
to build than
Sooner or later, some people are going to start
kicking walls over just to make more room for
themselves.
Erie Hall presents a perfect opportunity to
solve the office space issue. The newly reno
vated downstairs is a perfect example. Offices
that once occupied entire houses on campus,
now have offices in a more accessible place.
But fixing the downstairs solves only half of
A
is for Apathy
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and negative,
to the editor!
1 ( -
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The Behrend Beacon
of intelligence and understanding that women
can make it to the top, then why do people try
to make women better than men?
Hey, guess what women of America—we
are no longer a minority or "special interest
group." We do not need coalitions to help us
progress. And why can't we have "Take Your
Son to Work Day?" Girls, we have far
exceeded what the bra burners ever imagined
possible. Stop whining that we are
discriminated against. We have just as much
right to submit a resume as the next man does,
but have we worked hard enough to make the
resume worth something? So women, be
proud of your bras and short skirts, but be more
proud that you obtained what you have or will
have because you deserve it, not because you
protested and cried for it. Women bash men
just as much, if not more, as men bash women.
My solution? Hold your head up high, stop
your crying, and get over it. It's the new
millennium, for heaven's sake.
Miles' column appears
every three weeks.
the problem.
I agree that it's nice to have an extra gym on
campus, which is what Erie Hall houses in its
upstairs right now. But sometimes, we have to
weigh our priorities. The Junker Center provides
ample opportunities for students to use the gyms.
I would assume that intramurals were taken into
account when building the multi-million dollar
facility. Therefore, Erie Hall should no longer
need to serve recreational requirements.
Office space issues are currently being evalu
ated by Behrend's Student Government Asso
ciation with guidance by administrators. With
the space provided right now, only short-term
solutions can be reached.
But Erie Hall provides an opportunity to look
long term. Student organizations aren't going
to stop being formed. There are two more orga
nizations waiting to have their constitutions ap
proved by SGA right now. And as long as stu
dent involvement on campus continues to in
crease, so should the space in which they have
to work.
The solution is right under our noses. It's the
inner beauty of Erie Hall that can make all the
difference. And it didn't take a genius to figure
that one out
Snyder's column ap
-Katie Galley